


Chance Encounters

by Squibbles94



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel is adorable, Dead Family, Dean actually talks things out, Dubious Constent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Have No Idea Where This Will End Up, I'm a dirty liar, I'm bad at smut so I just don't write it, Interesting Backstory, Mark of Cain, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Reader Insert, Slow Burn, Torture, he tries, its only one scene, reader is a badass, self-care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-06-09 16:20:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 56,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15271440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squibbles94/pseuds/Squibbles94
Summary: You are running. As a hunter, it seems like you are always running. Whether it be toward an enemy or away. You find yourself in a bar and are saved by Sam and Dean. As Dean gets curious about you, you start to fall for him. With all that is going on with the boys, you offer to help.*Set in Season 9





	1. Just Your Luck

You walked into the bar with aching feet and $50 to your name. You had a backpack strapped to you that was big enough to hold a couple changes of clothes, some toiletries, an extra pair of shoes, and a knife. Truth be told, you should probably have the knife on you, but it made you nervous walking into places armed. You thought it might make you a target for people to mess with, which didn’t make sense but that’s what you were going with.

Looking around the place, you noticed some people playing pool and a few people at the bar. But the place was relatively empty. You decided to sit at a table in the back corner, so no one would notice you. The sun had gone down a few hours before and you were freezing from the cold night air. Looking at the menu that was on the table, you decided to get the cheese sticks because they were the cheapest thing on the menu. When the waitress came around, she looked annoyed that you ordered water and a $4 appetizer, but you couldn’t care about that. You didn’t have much money left and you had to make sure it lasted. You gave her a timid smile before she walked away.

You leaned your head back against the wall, closing your eyes, and taking a moment to rest. You didn’t know how long you had been walking but you were tired. You left when the sun was high in the sky and all you could do was pick a direction and walk. The door opened, and you could feel the cold seep through your jeans and thin jacket. You pulled your arms closer to your body to keep from shivering.

The people who came in were loud as they ventured over to the pool tables. There were three of them, dressed in what can only be described as prep rich boy. They stuck out in the bar full of leather jackets and flannel. You listened in to their conversation as you kept your eyes glued to the table. When your food slid under your nose, you lifted your head to thank the waitress and took a peek at the men at the pool table. They were drinking heavily and playing each other, but you decided they wouldn’t be a problem in the long run.

You rolled your eyes and picked at your food. It tasted so good and you wanted to make it last because you didn’t know when you would eat next. You were swaying to the music that was playing through the bar when a shadow fell over your table. You looked up to see one of the men from the loud group. He had jet black hair with a hard jaw line. What threw you off was the pastel polo shirt that he had on with his khaki shorts. He was so out of his league in this bar.

“Hi sugar. I’m Ted, what’s your name?” He flashed a brilliant smile at you.

“Um…Y/N.” You said turning back to your food.

“So.” He sat down at your table, uninvited. “Can I buy you a drink? Or food or something?”

You smiled at him. “Thanks, but I’m good. Got everything I need already.”

“Yeah. I doubt that. Well see, because you don’t have me.” He said trying to be smooth.

You chuckled. “Wow. That was the worst line I have ever heard. Sorry, I’m not looking to party tonight. I just want to eat my food. So, it was nice to meet you, Ted. Have a good night.”

“Come on, one drink. Let me prove to you that I’m worth talking to.” He scanned your body before flicking his eyes to your face.

“I don’t think so. Again, have a good night.” You said. He needed to get the hint, or you were going to have to get mean and you didn’t like being mean.

“Look, why don’t you stop being ungrateful and let me buy you a drink and we can talk about tonight.” He said as he put his hand on your leg.

You jumped a bit and started to give him a piece of your mind, but a hand clapped down on his shoulder, making him turn. There was a man with sandy blond short hair wearing flannel over a black shirt. He was looking at you with the most beautiful green eyes you had ever seen. He was smiling at you, making his eyes crinkle at the corners.

“Hey, Sweetheart. This guy bothering you?” He asked.

“Um.” You said as you pulled your leg out from under the guy. You looked between the men not sure what to do. “I…”

“What’s it to you buddy? I’m just trying to buy her a drink and she’s being a bitch.” Before you could do anything, the man in flannel grabbed Ted’s head and shoved it into the table making you jump.

“Wrong choice of words, pal. Apologize to the lady for being a dick.” He told Ted.

You could see Ted struggle against the man, trying to get free but when that failed he huffed and said “Sorry.”

“For?” The man gripped him harder, making him wince.

“Being a dick.”

“Right. That’s better. Now why don’t you pay for the lady’s meal and beat it?” The man suggested. Well, more like told. He let go of Ted and waited until he slapped down $10 and went back to his friends, falling in a deep conversation.

“Thank you.” You told the man as he started to turn away.

“Don’t mention it. He was being a dick and you looked like you didn’t want anything to do with him. Enjoy your meal.” He said walking away.

You stared at him as he joined a man at a table. The man he joined was scowling at him and you knew he was probably going to scold the man who helped you. Somehow you didn’t think he would care all that much.

One good thing about the man who hit on you was that he paid for your meal and the tip. Once you finished your meal, you hopped up and gave the two men sitting at the table near you a smile before wrapping your jacket around yourself and heading out the door. You could get a few more hours of walking in before needing to sleep. The sooner you got to a bus station the better, but those were few and far between.

You always thought that hitchhikers were stupid, until you were that person that needed a ride. Unfortunately, desperate times made you do things that you had always considered to be stupid. Every time a car whizzed by with their lights passing you, you couldn't help but think about sticking out your thumb and hoping for a ride. As the night got colder, you wrap yourself in your jacket to keep as much heat in as possible, but it wasn't doing much good.

You saw your surroundings light up a bit and looked back to see a car coming towards you. With a sigh, you jabbed out your thumb and hoped that whoever was in the car wasn't a murderer or a psychopath. Your heart started to race as the car slowed down. Loud rap music was blaring out of the open windows, and you heard men's voices singing along.

When the car pulled up you were able to see the faces of the men in the car. Your shoulders slumped slightly when you caught sight of a familiar black-haired man. Of course, Ted and his friends would be the ones to find you out here all alone. The car stopped next to you and Ted hung out the window with a sneer on his face.

“Well, look who we found. You ready to rethink my offer?” He asked looking your body up and down.

One of his friends peeked out of the window and said, “Hey, if you need a ride you can always ride one of us.” He actually wiggled his eyebrows as he said it.

“Thanks, but I’ll wait for the next car. Goodnight gentlemen.” You said as you started walking again.

Your heart almost stopped when you heard a car door shut. You turned around to see Ted walking towards you. With how tall he was, he would reach you quickly, so you sped up your pace. It didn’t take long for a hand to clasp around your wrist and turn you around.

“Hey, stop being a bitch. Let us give you a ride and we can have a lot of fun.” He was slurring his words and you knew he was drunk.

“Let go of me.” You said reaching back with your other hand to feel for your knife. Shit. You had to stop keeping it in your backpack.

“Not a chance, baby.” He said as he started to pull you toward the car.

You yanked at your wrist, trying to get it loose but it did no good. He was just too strong. Trying to think fast, you dropped to the ground. If this motherfucker was going to take you, he was going to have to work for it. As much as you wished that move would work, he huffed and reached down with his other hand and grabbed your shirt to pull you up. When he leaned down, you brought your leg up and it connected with his gut.

He promptly let you go and you scrambled to your feet, starting to run away from the car with the drunk men. Maybe he wouldn’t chase you. But of course, your luck was just shit. You felt a hand grab your shoulder and spin you around before a fist collided with your face sending you tumbling to the ground.

Feeling your lip, you could tell it was split open. He was standing over you when you looked up, rage filling his eyes. “You’re coming with us. Now, you can do that standing or you can do it unconscious. Your choice.”

Well, fuck.

Thinking on your feet, you agreed to go with them, so he would let you stand up at least. You looked past him and saw there was a car coming towards you. When it got close enough that they would be able to see the car, you called Ted’s name, making him turn around. Before he could do anything, you brought your leg up and kicked him between the legs. It wasn’t the best situation for him, but it worked and that’s all you cared about.

You started running toward the car waving your hands in the air as wildly as you could. You didn’t care who was in that car as long as they could get you away from these guys. The car skidded to a stop and two men got out of the car.

It was the guy who helped you at the bar. Oh, there is a God, you thought. “Hey! Please, I need help.”

“You okay?” The tall one asked.

“Not really. I could use a ride.” You said, catching your breath.

“Y/N!!!” You heard a voice yell from behind you. It was Ted. Why didn’t the asshole just give up?

You ran up to the man who helped you. As you reached him, he grabbed you and pushed you behind him. “Seriously? Does this guy ever quit?”

“That’s what I was thinking.” You said looking up at the man.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked looking down at you, stopping when he saw the blood on your lip. “Son of a bitch.” He growled pushing away from the car. “Sam. Stay with her. I got this.”

“You sure Dean?” The tall guy, Sam, asked.

“Oh, yeah. I need this.” He said as he walked up to Ted and punched him in the face.

You sat stunned as he made short work of Ted. It didn’t take long at all for him to be on the ground covered in bruises and a little blood. His friends didn’t even have time to assess the situation and run to him before Dean was heading back to the car shaking out his hand.

“You need a ride, right?” He asked.

You shook your head and he motioned for you to get in the backseat, which you did willingly, wanting to be off the road.

They drove past Ted and his boys, who were freaking out over the scene, and you couldn’t help but smirk.


	2. Really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Sorry it's been so long. It has been a crazy few days but I am glad that I am able to get chapter two out there. 
> 
> Remember, comments, concerns, or suggestions are always welcome.

Sitting in the back of the Impala, you looked out the window and held your bag to your side. You could feel the cut on your lip dry up and you felt a cold spot on your shoulder. Looking down, you saw part of your shirt is ripped. Perfect. At least it’s in a place that you can just cut the shirt to modify it, or hell, just wear it with the hole. You weren’t trying to impress anyone.

“So, what’s your name Sweetheart?” Dean looked in the rearview mirror at you.

“Y/N.” You told him, and he simply nods. “Did I hear your names were Sam and Dean?”

“Yep, Winchester.” Dean told you.

Wait. You knew that name. It didn’t click in your head before but looking at them again you realized you were in the presence of royalty. Or corruption, depending on who you ask.

“Wait. Winchester. Sam and Dean…Winchester. You’ve gotta be shitting me.” You told them, sitting up to lean over the front seat.

“You heard of us?” Sam asked, with a slightly sheepish expression.

“Who in the hunting community hasn’t heard of you? The two who constantly save the world and who have literally gone to Hell for each other. Holy shit, dude. I can’t believe I’m meeting you guys.” You paused trying to wrap your head around the fact that you ran into them. “Of course, when I get into trouble the freaking Winchesters will be the ones to see me fail.” You scoffed.

“Fail? You kicked that guys ass.” Dean said, looking back at you.

“That’s sweet, but you don’t need to try to make me feel better. I should have been able to handle them. I’ve just been off my game since I quit hunting.” You told them.

“Really? You got out?” Sam turned in his seat to ask you.

You nodded your head. “Yep. I just recently got back in the game. Actually, I have been back in it for about 8 hours.”

“What happened?” Sam asked, his eyebrows pulled together.

You avoided his gaze and sat back. You weren’t ready to tell them how weak you became in the past couple of years. Too much happened, and it was going to take you some time to get back into the swing of being able to take down anything that came at you. Your instincts were way off after what happened this morning but there was no way you were going to spill your guts to the Winchesters.

Getting the feeling you didn’t want to talk about what happened, Dean tried another approach. “So, is that bag all you have?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah, actually.” You gave him that. He couldn’t read into that too much.

“What, no car or home or anything?” Sam asked.

“Nope. Just me. I mean, I did have all those things, but…” You stopped. You scoffed lightly and looked out the window. Not wanting to give anymore away.

“I gotta ask. What are you running from?” He looked at you in the mirror when he asked, trying to gage your response.

“It’s not important.” You almost whispered. You avoided looking at the mirror but could feel the eyes boring into your face.

“Hey, do you have anywhere to stay?” Sam asked you. You glanced up to see Dean give him a look.

“Oh yeah. Of course. I was on my way there when you guys found me.” You lied, hoping they would drop it.

“Alright, where is it? We can drop you off.” Dean offered, giving you a smirk. He knew you had nowhere to go but he wasn’t going to call you out. He was just going to back you into a corner until you told them the truth.

You thought about where you were and how you were going to get out of this situation. Maybe you could ditch them at a motel and hitchhike. Knowing they were waiting on an answer, you thought of a random city and went for it. “It’s just outside of Orlando.”

“Florida?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yep. Sunshine state. That’s where I’m headed.” You told them, trying to think where the hell that came from. “But, if you can’t go that far then you can just drop me somewhere and I’ll find my own way.”

“Nah. We can take you there. It’s not a problem, Sam has always wanted to go to Disneyland.” Dean told you.

“Dude, that’s Disney World. Disneyland is in California.” You could almost feel Sam rolling his eyes at his brother.

“Whatever.” Dean snapped. “So, Y/N, why don’t you get some sleep. You have to be exhausted. Don’t worry, I’ll try not to run off the road.”

Panicking, you suggested staying at a motel using the excuse that you needed a shower. The brothers gave each other a shrug and soon you found yourself in a room that had a connecting door to the Winchesters. You had insisted on your own room, but they wanted to make sure you were okay, so they insisted on the connecting door, much to the clerk’s annoyance.

When you get into your room, you decide that a shower does sound nice. In any case, you have to wait until the boys go to sleep to make a run for it, so you might as well get cleaned up. Most people say that hot showers are bad for your skin, but you think that if it doesn’t feel like your skin has the potential to sizzle off, it’s not hot enough.

Stepping into the heated water, you vowed to take full advantage of what hot water you have. You feel your tense muscles begin to relax as you stood under the faucet. You looked down at your body and couldn’t help but think about that first shower you had after freeing yourself.

You were covered in blood and you could still feel your hands around his neck. You could feel your teeth sinking into her skin and being covered in the blood that spurted out from her neck. You felt all the death that your hands caused, and it didn’t matter that it wasn’t you who did it. It was still your body. You can still hear the cruel laugh echoing in your head, asking you if you liked it.

Having a moment alone meant you could feel their loss and the loss of your family. You could cry. No one was there to make you feel weak for your grief, so you stood under the water letting it coax you through your sobs.

~

Dean POV

Dean sat on his bed not really looking at anything. He knew better than to talk to Sam after the case they closed up a couple days ago. Seeing Harry and Ed split because of Ed’s stupidity was hitting him closer than he wanted to admit. Sam was still on his “if we work together, we are partners but not brothers” thing and it was making the job a bit harder.

Dean didn’t know what his brother wanted from him and now they had this girl to deliver. She was hot, he couldn’t ignore that, but she was hiding something from them. It irked Dean that he couldn’t get information out of her. It irritated him even more that he actually cared why she was running away from whatever happened. She was a random chick that they would never see again, and he didn’t know why it peaked his interest. Maybe it was because it could be a problem he could fix.

Shaking his head, Dean went to go shower before heading to bed. He knew he needed his rest if he was going to be driving all the way to Florida. As he walked into the bathroom, he stopped. It’s sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse that the walls in the hotels were so thin. He heard what could only be crying from next door.

“Sam. Come here and listen for a second.” He called to his brother. “You hear that?”

Sam stopped next to the doorway and listened. Dean knew when he heard it because the sides of his mouth turned downward, and his eyebrows knitted together. “Is she…crying?” He asked.

“Dude, what did we walk into?” Dean sighed.

~

You checked that you had all your things in your bag and that your knife was secured in your belt. There was no way you were making that mistake again. It had been a few hours since you heard anything from the room next door and the clock announced that it was 3 in the morning. It seemed as good a time as any to start your journey.

As quietly as you could, you opened the door to the room and stepped out making sure the door didn’t slam behind you. You decided that you didn’t need to walk in front of the Winchester’s window just in case they looked out of it, so you went the other way. As you stepped around the corner of the building, you ran into a hard chest, stopping you in your tracks.

“Sorry.” You mumbled to the stranger. You tried to move around him, but he moved to cut you off.

“We’ve been looking for you.” You heard him say. Looking up, you saw that his eyes were black, and he had a sneer on his face. The poor bastard the demon was riding could be your dad, with how normal he looked but that didn’t make you feel better at all.

As subtly as you could, you reached for the knife at your belt. You knew it would not do much, but it would hopefully slow him down. You were not going to go down without a fight. “Ah. It took you assholes long enough to find me.” You baited him as you swung up your knife, hitting him in the neck.

Of course, it did nothing except piss him off. You felt a fist connect with your face, sending you tumbling to the ground. Before you could hit, he flicked his hand and sent you flying. You landed on something hard and it felt like your head hit the corner of something, making you slightly dizzy. You tried to stand up, but you found yourself flying against the wall of the motel. Even though you knew that struggling was useless, you tried anyway as the demon walked up to you.

“Do you have any idea who is looking for you right now? I do have to say, the way you took out Mary was inventive, and I must say, I like all that rage.” He looked over your face like you were an animal he was trying to figure out what to do with. He came close to you, wrapping his fingers around your neck and putting his lips next to your ear. “I could use someone like you, so what do you say we take a trip down to the pit and start your training. I could have a lot of fun with you and bonus, I won’t turn you in. What do you say?”

“Fuck you.” You spit at him.

“Oh, trust me. There will be time for that.” He smirked. He tightened his grip on your neck and you lost the ability to breathe. As you started to see black spots, he started screaming and you dropped to the ground.

You vaguely heard other voices around you, but you were gulping in as much air as you could, sending you into a coughing fit. Holding your throat, you knew there was going to be a bruise there later. You didn’t miss this part of hunting. At all.

Feeling a hand on your shoulder, you flinched away trying to get as far away from the person as possible. You looked up to see Dean staring at you with concerned eyes and Sam standing over the body that was the demon.

“Y/N, you okay?” Dean asked you.

You tried to speak but it came out raspy, “Yeah.”

“Okay. What the hell was that? Why was a demon after you?” He asked you with what sounded like concern mixed with irritation. Probably because you had not told them from the beginning.

You knew this might happen, but you didn’t know it would happen when there were people to help you. Honestly, you thought you were just going to die and that was it. Maybe these guys could help you. In any case, they were in it now that the demon saw who you were hanging with. “We should probably talk.”


	3. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> Here is the next chapter! Information is given about the reader's past and it's kind of a doozy.

You sat at the table with Sam standing behind you. He was taking care of a gash in the back of your head from where you hit the ground during the demon attack. Dean kept glancing at your neck, where you were sure bruises would appear soon. Not knowing quite where to start, you stayed quiet.

“Alright, I think I got most of the wound clean. You should be fine.” Sam told you going to sit on the bed next to Dean. “What happened? Why were you outside?”

You looked at them for a minute, deciding how much you should tell them. “I was leaving. Look, I appreciate your help, but I can take care of it from here.”

“Clearly.” Dean told you sarcastically.

“You don’t know anything about me, Winchester. So, screw you.” You told him.

“Hey, I call it like I see it Sweetheart. From what I see, that demon knew who you were, and it was gunning for you. So, the question is, why?”

“I killed one of his friends.” You said. There was no beating around the bush. “Demon jumped me and burned off my anti-possession tattoo and climbed in for a ride. I was like that for a week before I took control and killed it. Now it’s friends want me dead. Questions?”

“Yeah.” Sam said. “How did you take over? I’ve only seen a handful of people be able to take back control. Normally there has to be a strong emotional reason.”

“Um, it killed some people that I loved. I wasn’t strong enough to break myself free before it… Look, bottom line is, if you stay with me, you’re dead. I don’t have much time left and I’m okay with that but I’m not bringing down other people with me. Not again.” You tried to make yourself sound braver than you were. Truth was, you were terrified of dying and of being on your own, but you needed to have a brave face.

Dean looked at you for a minute before chuckling. “Well, that’s not something I can stand by and watch happen. We can help you, we just need you to be straight with us.” You saw him glance at Sam and they nodded to each other, agreeing to a silent conversation.

“I can’t ask you to do that. No one else can die because of me.” You told them. “So thanks for the save, again. But, there’s no need to climb into my mess.” You stood and started to walk to the door but were stopped by Sam.

“Actually, it’s partially our fault.” He said.

“Sam.” Dean warned.

“No. This is on us. Look,” he said turning back to you, “we had a chance to lock away the demons forever, but we messed up. Let us fix this. Let us help you. Please.”

You stood there, stunned. Again, the Winchesters broke the world and were on a mission to fix it. You shook your head and sat down. You took in the look on their faces, a mix of shame and concern. “So, this isn’t because you think I’m too weak to fend for myself or some kind of ‘save the damsel in distress’ thing? It’s purely self-cleanup on your part?”

Sam nodded to you and you considered your options. If there was any way you could make it out of this mess and possibly kill the bastards that were after you, you needed to take help where you could get it. Part of you wanted to tell them no and just give yourself up to the demon but you promised Lilly that you would fight. Sighing, you agreed to let them help you. “But I’m not a charity case. I would do this by myself if I wanted to. So really, I’m helping you with your guilt and all that.”

Dean smirked at you. “Got it, Sweetheart. By the way, you don’t really have a place in Florida, do you?”

You gave him a sheepish look. “No. I just said that, so you would freak out about the distance and drop me off somewhere.” Dean shook his head in mock disappointment.

“So, wait. Do you have anywhere to go or a place to stay?” Sam asked you.

“Not really. The night we met, was my first night away from my old home. I haven’t gotten into the swing of things yet. After I buried my brother and sister, I got the hell out of dodge, so I didn’t have time to get a proper vehicle together.” You didn’t realize what you had let slip until you saw the way Sam and Dean looked at you. Their eyebrows knitted together making their faces the picture of sympathy. “Shit.” You whispered.

“I’m sorry.” Sam told you. “Were they the ones-”

“Yeah.” You cut him off before he could say anymore. “Like I said. I wasn’t strong enough.” You said as you stood up and headed to the door to your room.

You laid down on the bed once the door shut and let yourself feel the weariness that had plagued you over the past couple of days. You had gotten maybe three hours of sleep in the past few days and it was starting to creep up on you. It didn’t take long for you to be fast asleep once your head hit the pillow.

~

_Lilly was screaming at you to stop hurting them. She was pinned to a wall and Adam was underneath your body. You had his neck in such a strong grip he couldn’t breathe. You tried to release your fingers from around Adam’s neck but however hard you tried, your fingers dug into his skin even more. You heard your voice speaking, “You can thank your sister for this. It’s all her fault that your little family is broken. All that time away from you, she realized something. She never loved you. Actually, she thinks you’re nothing more than a burden and she’s thanking me right now for taking care of you.”_

_“No!” You tried to scream but nothing came out. It was the weirdest thing to feel two different emotions and to think about doing something only to find your body doing something else. You tried again to release your brother when his face started to turn red. “Stop this, please! I will do anything for you, please just leave them alone.” You thought, knowing the demon could hear you._

_“That’s not how this works, baby cakes. You will do what I want anyway, and I am going to make you feel the breath leave your baby brother’s lungs and you are going to feel your baby sister’s blood all over you. Trust me, it’s going to be fun.” It told you._

_You could feel Adam’s struggles weakening and you wanted so bad to hold him and tell him it would be okay, but you didn’t. His Y/E/C eyes bore into yours, pleading for you to stop. You could feel his pulse weakening under your fingertips until you felt nothing. His eyes dulled ever so slightly, and you knew he was gone._

_Your head turned to face Lilly, who was crying. When you saw the tears in her eyes, you wanted to scream and run to her. Knowing you couldn’t made your chest constrict and you felt your heart breaking. You had to protect Lilly any way you could, even if it meant killing yourself._

_Your body looked at your sister and smirked. “You know, you were the reason I had to stop hunting. I loved it and I was good at it, but little Lilly couldn’t cope with mommy’s death. So, I had to drag my ass out here and take care of you two little shits. If you two had never been born, my life would be so much easier.”_

_“I know that’s not you, Y/N. I know you’re in there somewhere. You have to fight.” She was looking through the demon’s eyes to you. You tried to tell her she was going to be okay, but silence was all that fell out of your mouth._

_The demon looked Lilly up and down, thinking about what to do first. Finally, it decided to get right to the fun and you felt your fingers dig into her scalp, drawing blood. With your other hand, it caressed her cheek and told her, “I can’t wait until I get to play with your intestines.” When her eyes got wide with fear, it lunged at her and tore a hunk of flesh out of her neck, severing the artery._

_Lilly fell to the ground and tried to hold her neck, but there was too much blood seeping through her fingers. You concentrated as hard as you could on Lilly and trying to move your fingers to help her. Suddenly, your hand did what you wanted it to do. It moved. It almost felt like coming out of a cold bath, when you could move your body again._

_You collapsed next to Lilly and held her as she looked up at you. “It’s me. It’s me. It’s going to be okay. You’re gonna be okay, I promise. I can fix this. I’m gonna take care of you.”_

_“Fight.” She whispered to you._

_“Yes, you have to fight.” You sobbed._

_She shook her head slightly and pointed at you. “Fight.”_

_You nodded fiercely. “I will. I promise, I’ll fight. I will.” You held her in your arms feeling the blood seep into your clothes. You reached to grab her hand and held on as if your life depended on it. At first her grip was strong, and you thought she was going to make it. It didn’t take long for your temporary relief to turn to horror. Her fingers slowly stopped putting pressure on yours and you knew she was gone. You let out a broken sob and almost forgot that you had a demon in you, until you felt yourself starting to go back under the cold water._

_“No!” You screamed and ran to the kitchen. You grabbed the canister of salt that you kept and, knowing it was going to suck, poured it down your mouth. You felt like you were going to be sick and you saw a black cloud of smoke billow out of your mouth. You kept upright for a couple of seconds before collapsing to the ground, coughing up salt and saliva._

_Over the past week, the demon that rode you had collected many artifacts and information using your body. One of the best things it collected was a blade that could kill demons that it kept on it at all times. “Just in case.” It said. You reached for it then, getting ready to defend yourself while you choked up the salt that was burning your throat._

_You were still on the floor, when you heard walking in the next room._

_“Oh, Y/N? That wasn’t very nice. You hurt my feelings, but that’s okay. I found a nice little meat suit that will get me in with all the girls.” You heard your brother’s voice call to you._

_Shit. Shit. Shit. It had Adam’s body. You ran to the doorway and hid behind it. There was no way it knew you had the blade, so you waited. His footsteps came closer to the door and you could almost feel him there. Without thinking about what you were doing, you jumped out from the doorway and swung the blade._

_How it connected, you had no idea. You should have died, truth be told. Instead, the blade entered the body smoothly and you could hear the squish as it went through the tissue. Suddenly, there were sparks coming from Adam’s body and the demon fell to the floor dead. You pulled the blade out of the body, wanting to keep yourself armed._

_You collapsed soaked in blood, grasping the blade to your chest, sobbing. Everyone was dead._

~

You woke up covered in sweat with tears running down your face. You looked at the clock and saw that you had gotten about six hours of sleep, which was amazing for a hunter. Looking up at the ceiling, you took a deep breath and wiped away your tears. There was no need for there to be any evidence of your dream.

There was a light knock at the door and before you thought about it, you told them to come in. Dean poked his head through the door and asked if he could come in. You told him yes and he shuffled in, kind of awkwardly as you sat up.

“You okay?” He asked, taking in your disheveled appearance.

“Super. What’s up Dean?” You asked.

He walked over and sat down on the bed next to you. “I just wanted to say that I was thinking about what you said. About it being your fault. You know it’s not, right?” His eyes full of sincerity. When you didn’t say anything, he continued. “You know, I know what it’s like to feel responsible for someone. Sammy has always been my responsibility and I can’t even tell you how many times I let him down because of my choices. But the thing is, they were _my_ choices. What you did wasn’t your choice.”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes and you tried to keep them there, but they fell down your cheeks without your permission. You wiped furiously at them and cleared your throat. “Maybe one day, I will think that. But all I can see when I look into the mirror is the girl who let down my little sister and little brother. I failed them.”

“You’re not going to always feel that way. Something that helps is killing as many of those sons of bitches as you can.” Dean reached his hand over and grasped your arm, giving it a squeeze. “So, um, we are going to head out soon. So, clean up and get packed. 30 minutes.” He told you before heading back to his room.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

He just smiled at you and said. “It’s a surprise.” Then he shut the door behind him before you could ask anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just a note. I started work this week (Yay new school year!) so my updates are going to slow down a bit. No promises as to a timeline but I will try to do one a week at the slowest if I can. Please hang in there with me. <3


	4. The Suprise

The drive lasted three days and it was filled with classic rock music and bad diner food. You liked to watch Sam and Dean fight with each other. It was familiar banter that you expected between siblings, and it was something you missed. When Dean would smack Sam’s hand away from the volume, you couldn’t stop thinking about Lilly and how she liked her music so loud it could be heard from across the house. You would go into her room to tell her to turn it down and she would be standing on her bed dancing to the music with a hairbrush, acting like it was a microphone. At the time it was annoying, but now you would give anything to see it.

Dean didn’t tell you where you were going even though you asked a million times. When you asked Sam, he just shrugged. You figured they were waiting to tell you for dramatic purposes. Hopefully the anticipation was worth it in the end. The ride was also filled with general conversation about hunting, such as what you had hunted, what was your favorite thing to hunt, and special tips that you had come across on your travels.

It had been a long trip and when you reached the Lebanon Kansas boarder Sam told you it wouldn’t be long before you were there. You wracked your brain to figure out what was in Lebanon and came up blank. Turns out it was a smaller town nestled between miles of farmland. Dean drove past the small town filled with tiny businesses and turned onto a hidden dirt road.

You vaguely wondered if this was where you were going to be killed but you chuckled and remembered that you were with the Winchester’s. Then again, people tended to die around them, you remembered.

Pulling up to an old looking factory, Dean motioned to the building and said, “Home sweet home.” He looked back at you and his smile made the skin around his eyes crinkled.

“You live here?” You asked, taking in the scene. There was rust everywhere and it looked like the entrance was leading underground. It was the perfect place to bring someone when you didn’t want them found. Far enough away from civilization but close enough to make regular food runs.

“Yeah. We inherited it, you just wait until you see the inside.” Dean told you.

When Dean pulled into the garage, you could see an array of old cars and a motorcycle. There had to be at least a dozen cars housed in the massive garage and you couldn’t help but say “wow” as Dean parked the car and got out. Sam and you followed him and you carried your bag on your shoulder, following the boys into the main house.

There were, what seemed like, miles of hallways with doors covering both sides. It looked like it was meant to house multiple people, kind of like a frat house, only creepier. They led you through the passageways and Sam pointed to a door that had a 21 on it. He told you that it was his room and Dean’s room was down the hall in 11. Before they got there, Dean stopped in front of door 13 and turned to look at you. “You can put your stuff in here. It’s not much but it’s one of the rooms we cleaned up a bit just in case someone needed it. Sheets are decent, and you have a place to lay your head.”

He opened the door for you and you slid past him looking around the space. It was a bit small, but you didn’t have anything worth unpacking so that didn’t matter. There was a bed covered with sheets and a dresser off to the side. To your surprise, there was a sink in the room with a medicine cabinet for personal storage. There was a lamp on the side of the room next to the bed, that had been pushed to the center of the room with the headboard against the wall. There were two bedside tables, you were guessing for when two people slept there, and a coat hanger mounted on the wall. It was simple in design, but it was more than enough for a few days.

“Bathroom and showers are down the hall. I will warn you, they are locker room showers so if you are looking for privacy, you should probably put a note on the door or something letting us know you’re in there.” Sam told you, making you blush a little at the thought of one of them walking in on your while you were naked. All you said was, “good to know.”

They gave you a tour of the entire bunker and you could honestly say the library was your favorite part. There were so many books and you wanted to dig through all of them, but you were not going to be there long enough to get through one, so you pushed that thought aside. The firing range was something that you had little interest in, because you were a crap shot. Though, that should make you want to make use of it, but it didn’t.

“Do you guys mind if I get some sleep? It’s been a rough few days and I need to recharge.” You asked them after they got done with the tour.

“You want some dinner, or, I mean, Dean can run to get some takeout if you want.” Sam told you.

“No. It’s okay, I’m pretty tired. I think I’m going to just skip dinner tonight.” You told him. He opened his mouth to protest but before anything came out, he shut his mouth into a disapproving line and nodded to you. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to eat, it was just the need for unconsciousness was greater than stuffing your face. “Night, Sam. Dean.” You smiled at them before making your way to your room.

~

You had not gotten much sleep between the nightmares and being in a new place. Normally, you were fine sleeping anywhere, but after taking a couple years off from hunting, you got used to being in your own bed every night. When you finally did get to sleep, you were awoken by your nightmares. You glanced in the mirror before heading out to find coffee. Your skin was paler than normal, and you had dark circles under your eyes. Honestly, you looked like shit. Not being able to fix that, you headed out to the kitchen.

Sam was sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal and his laptop. You figured he was searching for cases. “Morning.” You mumbled to him.

He gave you a smile and said, “Morning. Sleep okay?” Which instantly made you feel guilty, so you lied and told him you slept great. “Good. Breakfast?” He asked you.

Picking up the coffee you made, you held it up to him. “This is all I need.” You told him, earning you a disapproving look from him. Before he could say anything, Dean shuffled in looking haggard. His hair was sticking up in different directions and he was in a robe that made him look like he was used to being comfortable in the bunker. “Morning.” You called to him.

He grunted in acknowledgement and made himself busy around the kitchen. You sat with Sam and he cleared his throat. “Hey, so I found us a case.”

“Really, Sam? I just woke up.” Dean huffed.

“A couple was found murdered in their bedroom and get this. No signs of forced entry and all the windows and doors were locked from the inside.” Sam continued, acting like he hadn’t heard Dean.

“So, ghost.” You chimed in.

“More than likely. Dean, what do you say?” Sam called.

“Man, what about Crowley? Have you heard from him?” Dean asked his brother.

“Crowley? Like the King of Hell, Crowley?” You asked, astonished. “You guys have him on speed dial or something?”

“Well. Not speed dial. He’s a dick but he’s a useful dick right now.” Sam answered you before calling to Dean. “And no, I haven’t heard from him. Still no sign of … it.” He caught himself before his eyes flicked to yours and back to his brother.

“Ugh. Fine. Let’s get packed. I’ll deal with Crowley when we get back.” Dean grumbled.

“Hey, do you guys mind if I join you? I haven’t been hunting in a while and I really need to get back in the swing of things. Maybe a salt and burn is just what I need.” You ask. It was true that you were rusty. The business with the frat boys was a testament to that and it wouldn’t hurt to have some backup, especially if it was Sam and Dean.

“Uh, you really think you’re up for it?” Sam asked, sounding doubtful.

“Come on man, course she is. We could use an extra pair of hands.” Dean stated and that was the end of it. You made your way to the room with your things and grabbed your bag. You really needed to get some supplies and a bigger bag. Shrugging, you slung the bag over your shoulder and headed to the garage. Walking up to the door, you heard voices.

“Are you sure she should be coming with us?” Sam asked. You stopped. You knew you should announce yourself, but there was an overwhelming part of you that wanted to know what they were saying about you. So you listened.

“Why shouldn’t she? She’s a hunter.” Dean asked, his voice almost sounding defensive. For a moment, you thought it was defensive of you, but Sam’s words made you realize they weren’t.

“Yeah. And you have the Mark of freaking Cain on your arm. You haven’t been acting 100% like yourself, and we don’t need someone we don’t know mixed up in all this. What if Crowley shows up with the blade and scares her?” Sam asked. The Mark of Cain? What was he talking about?

“We’ll deal with it. I’m not saying trust the chick. I’m saying, it wouldn’t hurt for her to stay with us, at least until we figure out if we can trust her in the bunker by herself or not. Also, there are demons after her and I would feel better if she was with us… plus, she’s kinda hot.” Dean admitted. That took you aback and you had to fight hard not to laugh out loud. It was ridiculous that Dean would find you attractive. It didn’t matter anyway, he was probably just saying that to his brother.

Not wanting to hear anymore, you stepped out from the hallway hoping your face was blank. “Hey, do you guys mind if we make a stop so I can get some clothes. All mine are kind of ripped and I only have a few things anyway. I just want to make sure I have an FBI suit just in case I need it for the hunt.” You asked, pretending you didn’t hear anything.

“Sure thing, Sweetheart.” Dean said climbing into the Impala.

Sam looked at you for a second longer than necessary before closing the trunk and climbing in the passenger seat. You took a deep breath and tried to forget about what you heard but vowed to find out what they were talking about and prove to them that they could trust you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies!
> 
> Sorry it took so long to update. I had a training all week and I didn't have a lot of time to write. I am hoping to do some writing tomorrow and maybe Tuesday. Other than that my week is going to be hella full. 
> 
> Criticisms, suggestions, and ideas are always welcome!


	5. Salt and Burn

You sat in the back of the Impala wearing your new FBI suit and shoes. Thankfully, the store you went to had heels that had built in inserts, so you would not kill your feet. You wanted to feel tall, especially with how tall the Winchesters were, and it gave you an edge in looking more professional. They were necessary torture devices and they actually made your ass look good, so you weren’t going to complain too much.

You thanked Dean again for going to the store with you. They still didn’t want you going anywhere on your own and Sam went to interview witnesses, which left Dean with you. You tried to keep everything as non-awkward as you could, but when you stepped into the undergarment section, Dean took one look around and cleared his throat before telling you he would wait in the other isle for you.

Sam climbed into the Impala and started going over the facts of the case. The couple, Jen and Tom Nunes, were found by their 14-year-old daughter, Katy. They were covered in blood with multiple slashes to their abdomen. He said that Katy was taken to the station to answer more questions. She told Sam, she had been experiencing cold spots in the house and the lights had been flickering over the past few days.

“Any EMF?” You asked.

“All over the parent’s room. So, let’s dig into the history of the house. See if anyone died bloody.” Sam answered.

“Does the girl have any family to take her in?” You asked. You could tell by the look Sam gave you that she didn’t. Slowly, you closed your eyes and shook your head. Another one for the system. That was the hardest part of the job. Not the constant danger and the long hours, but the innocents that got caught in the crossfire, especially when they were children. “Let’s get this bastard.” You said with determination. You looked into the rearview mirror to see Dean staring at you with eyes that said he was deep in thought. Ignoring him, you looked out the window thinking about how good it was going to feel burning this ghost.

~

Research was a slow process. So far you dug up a few deaths in the house, but nothing screamed “violent spirit”. You sighed in frustration and looked away from the computer to find Dean staring at you. “I know I’m interesting to look at, but is there something in particular that you need?” You asked him, smirking slightly.

“What?” He asked, not realizing he was staring at you. “Oh. Uh, nothing. I was just going to tell you I found something. There was an auction that the Nunes’ went to a few days before their deaths and they bought a set of vintage china. Like the painted cups and whatnot that people don’t wash and only use for certain occasions. Previous owner died. Want to guess how?”

“Murdered?” You asked, walking to stand next to his chair. You leaned with your right hand grasping the back of his chair and your left hand braced on the table, so you could see the computer screen. You were close enough to him to smell the whiskey and old spice coming from him. You had to admit he smelled wonderful and the way he looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself with you boxing him in was intriguing.

“Uh, yeah. Her name was Edna Gill. Native to South Carolina and according to her obituary, she was cremated. So I’m thinking she is tied to the china.” He was gazing up at you when he said this.

“Okay, when Sam gets back we can go take care of it. No one is in the house anymore so it’s safe to say we can eat our dinner before we go tackle Edna.” You told him, backing away from the table going to sit on your bed. Thankfully the motel you were staying at had a room with a couch. It made you laugh thinking about the way the boys settled the disagreement about who got the other bed. They did a game of rock-paper-scissors and Dean lost spectacularly. You didn’t realize you were smiling until Dean asked you what was so funny.

“Nothing. Just remembering something.” You told him. He nodded and returned to what he was doing as Sam came in. You and Dean got him up to speed on the house and he demanded that you all leave right then. Confused, you asked what the rush was and almost had a heart attack when he said that the daughter was going back to the house to grab her belongings for her new home. Without a second thought, the three of you grabbed everything needed to get the job done and raced to the Impala, hoping you were not too late.

~

When the three of you pulled up to the house, the sun was setting. There was a car in the driveway that you suspected was the Family Services vehicle. That meant Katy was in the house, but there was no way to know if there was trouble from where the three of you sat. It didn’t take much convincing for Dean and Sam to follow your lead up the path to the house. You had a shotgun with salt rounds in your hands and Dean made sure to bring salt and lighter fluid to get rid of Edna.

You were almost to the door when you heard screaming. Without hesitating, you threw yourself against the door but fell to the ground when you merely bounced off. Sam tried to get the door open, but it was sealed. Cursing, you ran to the window and tried to open it while Dean was picking the lock to the deadbolt on the door. You peered through to see Katy being flung at the wall and the woman from Family Services being torn to shreds. “Dean! Hurry up!” You yelled.

“I’m working on it!” He screamed back. It didn’t take long for the door to fly open after that and the three of you burst into the front room. A gunshot rang as you neared the entrance. Katy crashed to the floor when the invisible force let her go. She was screaming and looking around wildly in confusion. When she caught sight of you, she clambered up and ran into your arms. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to get you out of here, just follow me.” You comforted her as you led her toward the door, desperate to get her to safety.

Sam was checking the Social Services worker, and you saw him slightly shake his head at Dean who grunted in frustration. As you neared the door, it slammed shut and you ran to it pulling as hard as you could trying to get it open long enough for Katy to get out. You didn’t care about getting out yourself, you just needed her to be safe. She didn’t ask for this and you were damned if she was going to die there. “Guys! Burn the china! We’re stuck!” You yelled, grabbing Katy’s shaking form and leading her to the main room where the boys were. You took the salt from Dean and put a circle on the ground. “Stay in the circle, no matter what you see or hear.” You said pushing Katy into the center. She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep it together.

You saw her eyes grow wide with fear and you spun around, knowing there was someone behind you. Edna stood behind you and she was pissed. She was wearing an old fashioned night gown and her white hair were in rollers, making her look like a typical housewife. The thing that made her terrifying was the grimace that adorned her features and the slash marks across her stomach. She ran at you but before she could do anything, you heard a gunshot and she disappeared.

“Get in the circle Y/N. Sam and I got this.” Dean told you as Sam was running into the next room, trying to find the china. You started to protest, but Dean sent a glare in your direction that made your words die in your throat. Quickly, you stepped back into the circle with Katy. She needed someone to stay with her anyway, and you were the best person for that. She held your hand and you tried to comfort her as much as you could, considering the situation.

As you were telling her, once again, that it was going to be okay, your breath became visible. You looked around and saw Edna standing just outside the circle. She stood for a few seconds before she lit up in flames and the room was filled with her screams. You sighed in relief as Dean and Sam ran around the corner looking out of breath, but with looks of satisfaction on their faces.

“Took you long enough.” You joked, making Sam chuckle. Dean just looked at you like you had told him the worst joke in all creation and shook his head.

~

“So, did they find a home for Katy?” Sam asked you. You were laying in the back of the Impala as the three of you headed back to the bunker.

“Yeah. They got her into a girl’s home. Kid’s gonna need a lot of therapy but at least she’ll be alive.” You told him. It was so hard for you to walk away from her, knowing the questions she was going to have that no one would be able to answer. It was bad enough she was alone, but it wasn’t right that she was alone with no one to help her get answers. “I wish I could have helped her more.” You told them.

“I mean, we saved her life. What more could she need?” Dean asked you.

“I don’t know, maybe an explanation or just some kind of answers. I feel bad just leaving her with no explanation.” You mused.

“We can’t always give answers, Y/N. It’s just part of the job.” Dean told you, as if you didn’t know that already.

“I know. I just wish it were different.” You hesitated. “Hey, can I ask you guys something?”

“Sure.” Sam said.

“You guys didn’t need me on this one. So, why did you agree to let me come?” You remembered the conversation that you overheard about them not trusting you and you wondered if they would tell it to you straight or if they would lie to you.

There was a long pause before Sam answered. “There were a lot of reasons. One being, we didn’t think it was safe for you to stay alone. Another was that you were right when you said you were rusty. What better way to get back in the game than coming with us on an easy hunt?”

“Thanks for letting me crash the party.” You said, genuinely appreciative about that fact. You knew there was more to them letting you tag along, but you figured trust would take time. It always did in your line of work. You sat back and closed your eyes letting the subject drop, as you did, you missed the look of apprehension that Sam and Dean gave each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this. It was something I made up, hopefully it was okay. As always thank you for reading my work and suggestions and comments are always appreciated.


	6. Truth

_The blood was everywhere. You felt it on your hands as is cascaded to your clothes, staining them a bright red. Numbness spread through your body as you fought to take control. It only ended in misery when your hands started working through the corpses looking for the right one. The demon in your body wanted to find someone specific and it wanted your hands to be the ones to find it._

_Your hands became scratched as the skin was tugged by loose jewelry that adorned the corpses and the belt buckles that came unhinged. Your fingers brushed against coarse hair and slimy skin as you dug through the pile. The smell that hit your nose was what you could only consider death. It was putrid and made you want to throw up as your stomach knotted from knowing what the cause was. Every now and again you could hear the sobbing and terrified screams of the prisoners in this dank world and it made you want to reach for them and save them from the torture. But then again, that was what the demon wanted. For you to feel like you were weak, and damn if it wasn’t working._

_There was a child in the pile of death that lay limp, bloody, and beaten. You tried to scream but all that came out was a laugh. It was high pitched and was only a sound you had heard when someone was overjoyed, and it made your hate flare. “Why are you even doing this? What are you looking for?” You asked it._

_The demon made you realize, yet again that you were in your personal brand of Hell by whispering in your mind, “Maybe next, I will let you torture someone who’s innocent, so you can feel them die. It will be so much fun! …But first let’s find your daddy.”_

~

The darkness that greeted you when you opened your eyes made you jump in a panic. You had never been good with too much dark and after the demon got ahold of you, it was almost unbearable. You reached to flick on the light, to make sure that you were completely alone. Darkness always made you feel like there was someone hiding in the shadows and it was something you needed to work though. When you found nothing more than the borrowed furniture, you sighed in relief knowing it was just a dream. You took a deep breath, letting the in the air until your lungs felt like they would burst. It grounded you and calmed you down but the peace lasted only for a second before you jumped at the sudden knocking on your door.

“Who is it?” You called to the intruder.

“Dean. Can I come in?” He asked, sounding uncertain.

“Yeah.” You called. “Come on in.” You sat up and made sure you were clothed. There was no reason for things to be awkward because of a tank top strap.

He opened the door slowly and poked his head in. “You okay?” He asked, stepping in the room hesitantly. You saw that he was wearing the robe that he liked to walk around in and his hair was matted to his head on one side. He had been woken up by something.

“Yeah. Why? What’s wrong?” You asked. He stood and took in your appearance and by the look on his face you knew you must look terrible. Self-consciously, you ran your fingers through your hair, swiping the hair backwards out of your face. Hopefully it looked natural and not that you were trying to fix it.

“Well, I thought I heard…never mind. I just wanted to make sure you were good.” He inched closer to your bed and his green eyes appraised you with worry. You just nodded to him, trying to make yourself smile in a way that was convincing, so he wouldn’t ask you what was wrong. There was a small part of you that wanted to unload everything on him and hope he could pick up the pieces, but there was a bigger part of you that needed to be tough because breaking, even a little, meant you were weak.

His eyes softened a bit and he drug his bottom lip into his teeth with his tongue, looking like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to say it. Seeming to make up his mind, he padded to your bed and sat down on the edge, far enough away to give you room, but close enough that you could see the dark circles under his eyes. Your hand twitched, wanting to run your fingers over his face to wipe away the stress, but you caught yourself before it was obvious. “Look Y/N. We all have bad dreams and out of anyone, I am the last person to harp on someone because they don’t wanna talk about their feelings. But, I want you to know that if you ever do want to talk, about anything, that you can come to me. Believe it or not, I care about more people than my brother.” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

You felt the small smile on your lips and was genuinely thankful for Dean offering to be someone to listen. “Can I ask you something?” Deciding to change the subject. It was a wonderful offer, but not something you were ready for.

“Sure.” He hesitated.

“What’s the Mark of Cain?” You asked, trying hard not to look guilty.

“How’d you know…” He started to say, but you cut him off.

“I overheard you and Sam in the garage before the hunt for the ghost. I didn’t mean to, it just kind of happened… I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure you guys weren’t crazy or something, but I have been wondering what Sam meant about the Mark of Cain. I know the story from the Bible but there’s no way that it’s the same thing you guys were talking about. I mean that would be insane.” You stopped yourself from rambling any longer and watched Dean take in your explanation.

Dean looked at you with suspicion, eyes growing hard as his body tensed. Immediately, you realized that you messed up asking the question. “It’s not your business. Forget you heard anything about it and move on.” His words were so intense that you swallowed hard and found it hard to look at him.

“Got it.” You spoke quickly. “Sorry. I just…I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, this is between you and Sam. I get it.”

You wrung your hands together, looking anywhere but at Dean for a bit. You didn’t really know where to go with the conversation from there, so you just stayed silent.

“Trust me, Sweetheart. You don’t wanna know.” Dean’s voice came out soft, which surprised you. Looking over at him, you noticed his body had relaxed and his shoulders were slightly slumped. His gaze on you wasn’t angry or accusing, but rather almost apologetic.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” You told him. It was true, you were genuinely curious about the term they used but you also knew there were things they wouldn’t be comfortable sharing. “I just want to help.”

“Why does it matter so much Y/N? You don’t know us, and we haven’t given you anything to make you trust or care about what happens to us. What’s in it for you?” He asked, showing the concerns that you knew had been building between him and Sam.

You thought about it for a second. Why did you care so much? You didn’t really know them and you had no idea they have done in the past. But you knew people. You knew that they were some of the good guys and they helped people. You started talking slowly, trying to say the words right. “When I was possessed, the thing that killed me the most was not being able to help people. I couldn’t stop the demon from killing people or using my body to have sex with whoever it wanted. I couldn’t do anything when it decided to kill my family or make a girl cut out her own eyes with a butter knife. I couldn’t help.” You paused, trying to gather your thoughts. “When I got free, all I wanted to do was hide. I didn’t want to deal with anything but then I realized that what I do is go out into the world and help people. It’s what I’m here for. That’s why. I need something to remind me that I’m not a shit person and there’s gotta be some way for me to help people.”

Dean’s face went though many emotions as he listened to your explanation. When you were done, he stared at you with consideration. His lips pursed slightly, like he was thinking about something. You let him take as much time as he needed because you did just dump a lot on him. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he nodded slightly.

Looking down, he reached for the sleeve of his right arm and pulled it up revealing an angry looking scar in the shape of a backwards F. “This is the Mark. And yeah, it came from the dude in the Bible. He gave it to me so I can get a job done, it’s the only way to kill the thing I’m after.”

Your hand reached out and touched the skin that looked angry. You expected to feel some kind of power coming from it or something, but it just felt like a regular scar. It was soft, you noted. Looking up at Dean, you caught him watching you with worried eyes. It was almost like he was worried that he scared you or that you would think he was a monster. “Okay.” You said as you nodded. “How can I help?”

“You gonna ask about who I’m ganking before you ask to help? Could be dangerous.” He challenged.

“Who are you gunning for?” You give in, actually curious.

“Knight of Hell. Name’s Abaddon. She’s a real son of a bitch and she killed my grandfather. She’s dangerous and this is the only thing we know that can take her down.” He said, not beating around the bush, which you didn’t expect.

You took this in, and you had to admit the news scared you. It wasn’t what you were expecting, and it was honestly bigger than you thought it was going to be. You had never heard of Knights of Hell, but they sounded awful if the only thing that could kill them was a mark given to Cain by God. As bad as Abaddon sounded, and how terrified you should have been, you couldn’t feel it. You didn’t want to hide or walk away from helping the Winchesters, in fact it was the opposite.

“How can I help?” You asked again, not backing down from redeeming yourself any way you could. These men helped you when you needed it, and they took you in. You had a lot to atone for and this was the best way you knew how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> Again, I just want to remind you all that work has started and I am super busy. I am so happy to get this chapter out before I head in today. As always, comments are always appreciated.


	7. Well That Was ... Different

The days had been spent researching the Mark of Cain and where the blade could be. So far they had come up with nothing. Dean’s mood had been souring quicker with each passing day. There were times when you came into the library and he would be surrounded by heavy volumes of books, holding a beer in his hand. Other times he would have his phone plastered to his ear trying to get in contact with Crowley. So far he had no luck with contacting the demon that was supposed to be looking for the blade, and that is what set his teeth on edge the most. 

Every now and again, you would try to distract the hunter when he was in his particularly foul moods. Tonight was no different as you strode into the library, eyeing the room. Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop trying to find any information they did not know and Dean was on his phone for the millionth time. He was mumbling about people not picking up phones when you caught Sam’s eye. 

“Hey, Y/N. What’s up?” He asked you.

“Nothin’. Just seeing how research was coming.” You tried to sound optimistic even though you knew they had nothing.

“”Well, we really haven't found anything yet. And Crowley is still M.I.A. So that's a bust.” 

Dean’s gaze landed on you then and you saw his eyes dart over your body for the smallest of seconds before landing on your face. “How many places does this dick have to check? He should have it by now.” His tone betrayed his annoyance.

“Maybe he got caught up with something.” You offered, knowing that was not a possibility with what was at stake. 

“I don't know. He needs to figure it out though.” Dean said, tossing his phone down on the table. He drug his hand over his face, trying to wipe away the stress but you could see it was still weighing heavily on him.

“True. But in the meantime, I have a surprise for you in the kitchen.” You told him with a smile. 

“What is it?” He asked.

“Dude, just go look. Stop asking dumb questions.” Sam chimed in. He had been part of the plan to cheer Dean up a bit. He helped you get some of the ingredients down from the impossibly high shelves. It was inconvenient to say the least when you opened a cabinet and found things to be near the roof.

After some additional prodding, Dean finally relented and went to the kitchen. You tried to see his face when he saw it on the table but you weren't fast enough. You did, however hear his intake of breath as he saw the pie.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world, Y/N. Don't ever let me tell you different. Did you make this?” He asked you as his body slightly shifted towards you, his eyes never leaving the pie. 

“Yep. It’s a recipe that I made for my family that was passed down from my granny. I hope it’s okay. I just figured you could use something good with all the stuff that’s been going on.” You told him, grinning.

“I could kiss you right now. Seriously. This is awesome.” He said as he sat in front of the pie and picked up a fork. He glanced at the small plates you had placed next to the pie and pushed them away slightly with his arm. With a look of anticipation, Dean licked his lips and drove the fork into the middle of the pie. His eyes closed and he moaned in appreciation when he took a bite. 

“Well, that figures. I knew we wouldn't get any.” Sam’s voice came from behind you. You turned to look at him and saw that he was smirking at his brother. He leaned down and whispered into your ear, “it was a good idea. Thanks for doing this for him.” 

All you did was smile in response, glad to at least help in some minor way. 

Recently you had been feeling useless because you hadn't found anything that could help with the case. You tried finding some hunting cases but everything seemed so insignificant compared to the task of killing Abaddon, so you just let them go. There was nothing else the three of you could do until Crowley found the First Blade and it was starting to make all of you go stir crazy. Hopefully you guys would get some good news soon, because if not, you weren’t sure how long pie would keep Dean calm.

~

It had been a strange couple of days. You were caught in between researching and baking pies when tempers flared. You and Dean had been spending a lot of time together since he told you about the Mark of Cain. When you were in the kitchen, he would sit at the table and talk with you about everything. Mostly he asked about your past and about how you grew up. It was nice to talk about your family and the good memories you had of them, rather than the horrific details of their deaths. 

He told you about his family and how his mom died. He tried to explain to you about the apocalypse and all the people they had lost. When he told you about Bobby, you could tell by his expression that he loved him and it was hard on Dean when Bobby died. You had spoken to Bobby a few times but you weren't close to him like the Winchesters were.

It was nice getting to know the Winchesters as you spent a few weeks with them. You and Sam ended up binge watching Netflix in his room whenever research got you so frustrated that you needed something to calm you down. Sam was nice and you started to think about what it would be like to have him as a friend without all the hunting and craziness that you lived with. He reminded you of an overgrown puppy that tried to make himself look smaller than he was, while Dean always made himself try to appear taller around you. At first it was subtle, how Dean’s body shifted when you entered the room but you eventually picked up on it more and more. Especially when the three of you went out to the bar to blow off some steam. 

From what you heard, Dean was a ladies man and it was known that to get with him was only for one night, but since you had been with the brothers you had not seen Dean go home with anyone and you were starting to wonder if the stories were true.  One thing you missed the most about being at home was the radio in the house. You could play all your music and dance to your heart’s content, but you left it behind with everything else when you decided to go back to hunting. It didn't take long for Dean to catch on to that part when the two of you were talking one night and the next day he poked his head into your room. 

“Hey, I got you something.” He told you with a smirk on his face. 

“What?” You asked suspiciously, looking down at his hands, wondering what the gift could be. 

Dean stepped inside your room with his hands behind his back so you couldn't see what he was holding. “First, I want to hear how amazing I am.” He coaxed with a cocky grin, that hid his excitement. 

“Hmm. Well, how amazing you are depends on what is in your hands.” You joked with him. When his smirk faltered the slightest bit, you changed gears. “However, I will admit that you are generally amazing.” 

“Good to hear you say that, Half Pint. Here ya go.” He brought out a box from behind his back that had newspaper wrapped around as makeshift wrapping paper. You shook your head at the nickname he had given you and took the box from his hands. It wasn't very big and it was pretty light for the most part. You smiled at the gift that Dean had cared enough about to try to wrap, and brought it to your bed. Tearing into it, you brought out a small box that contained a speaker that would sync to your phone so you could control the music wherever you were. It even lit up if you wanted it to. Holding the small speaker in your hands, you felt yourself grinning and you launched yourself into Dean’s arms. 

From the grunt that escaped Dean’s lips, he was just as surprised as you were that you jumped into his arms. He wasn't a big hugger and it was the first time either of you offered physical contact that was not stitching each other up. Your arms wrapped around his waist and you let your head rest on his chest, giving you the ability to hear his heart. You could tell that it was beating fast, but that could just be because you scared him. As you clung to him, you whispered, “thank you. I love it.” Slowly, his arms wrapped around your body and he pressed you to him. He gave you a light kiss on the top of your head before releasing you. 

“Yeah, well I remember you said you had a speaker so you could listen to your music but you had to leave it. You get this on one condition. No crap music in the bunker, alright?” 

“Of course not.” You agreed, knowing full well that the first thing you would play would be your favorite song, whether he liked it or not. 

“Oh, by the way. Sam and I are heading out for a bit. We think we might have a way to find Crowley.” He told you.

“I can come with if you want.” You offered.

His jaw tensed ever so slightly and his eyes hardened a fraction before he pulled himself together. “Nah, that’s okay. Sammy and I can handle it. You just stay here and relax a bit. Use the speaker while we are gone, go nuts.” He suggested.

After Dean left, you sat and connected the speaker to your phone. You knew that you had to update your playlists if they were going to be Dean approved music, and it would give you a chance to relax.

~

The Winchesters had been gone for a few hours and when they got back, you were merrily dancing in the kitchen to “Cherry Pie”. You didn’t know why, but you always liked the song even though it wasn’t really for women in general. You swung your hips back and forth, rocking to the beat while you made dinner. You didn’t notice that Dean had come into the kitchen and was standing by the entrance with his mouth hanging slightly open. You sang along to the song, oblivious to the fact that Dean couldn’t take his eyes off you. That was until you did a spin and caught sight of him. You stopped in your tracks, and reached for your phone turning off the music. Biting down on your lower lip, you could feel the heat begin to rise into your face from embarrassment and you kept your eyes down. 

“Hey, sorry. I didn’t meant to... “ You chuckled self consciously. “You weren't supposed to see that. I was just…” You started but Dean cut you off.

“Being awesome?” He said not taking his eyes from yours. There was a hint of humor in his eyes but it was overshadowed by an emotion that you couldn't pinpoint. Was it affection? 

“I don’t know about that.” You chuckled, turning back to your task in an effort to avoid Dean’s face. “How was the info gathering?” You asked trying to change the subject. 

It took Dean a second to answer. “Yeah, uh, he’s somewhere in the pacific. No actual details yet but you’ll never guess who we met.” He baited.

“Who?” You asked, genuinely curious.

“Snooki.” He said.

You turned around to see if he was joking, but when his eyes were completely serious, you raised your eyebrows. “Wow. So, is she really that short?” You asked.

“Oh yeah. And get this, she’s a demon.” He told you with a glint in his eye. “Don’t worry, we exorcised her.” 

You took a second to process what he had said and shook your head at the mere absurdity of the situation. “The things we see on this job.” you chuckled as you put the lasagna in the oven. “So what’s the next game plan?” You asked, straightening up and looking at the oldest Winchester.

“Well, Sammy is researching what the deepest part of the ocean is to try to find Crowley faster, if we can. Wanna come with and help?” He asked before smirking. “Or I can watch you dance some more.” 

“Nope. We can… we can go see if Sam needs help. Yep.” You said swiftly moving through the doorway, hearing Dean chuckle at your reaction.

~

You were sitting in the back of the Impala as the three of you pulled up to a nice looking hotel. Crowley had called Dean and said he was “in a jam” so you packed a bag and headed out. It took some convincing, but you managed to tag along with the boys. Honestly, you couldn’t stand being in the bunker for another day. You would go crazy. Apparently, Crowley had been killing while he was looking for the First Blade because when the three of you broke into his hotel, there were bodies laying all over the place. Sam tried to step in front of you when you came in, presumably to keep the bodies out of your sight, but you were no strangers to dead things. You pushed passed him and softly cursed to yourself. “What the Hell did he do to them?” You asked, not expecting an answer.

“Let’s find out. He’s gonna come back, so we wait for him.” Dean suggested and they tucked in for the demon to return. 

When Crowley came through the door, he was not what you were expecting. His face was pale and he was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. His suit looked like it had not been washed in days and he smelled terrible. He obviously wasn’t taking care of himself. 

Crowley stopped when he saw the three of you standing there. “Hello, boys. And… other.” He said glancing at you.   


Dean kicked the foot of the body closest to him. “And what do you call this?”   


“Refreshments?” Crowley answered, making your stomach churn.    


Sam nodded to the demon. “What's in the bag, Crowley?”   


“Nothing.” He said quickly. He looked guilty, as if he was going to get in trouble. It wasn’t until Sam said something that you noticed Crowley holding a brown paper bag in his hand. You wondered idly what was in the bag.    


Sam snatched the bag out of Crowley’s hands and opened it. He took out a bag of AB Negative blood and asked, “What, are you knocking over blood banks?” 

You stood a bit away, observing the situation while Sam and Dean got Crowley into a chair and handcuffed him so he couldn’t get away.    


“Come on, guys.” The demon protested. “Buttercup, can you get these brutes to stop pestering me?” He turned his attention to you.   


“Hey, don’t talk to her. Man, look at you. You're a mess. You know, we were counting on you. You let us down.” You had never heard Dean’s tone so abrasive before.    


“Your slimy followers were counting on you to kill Abaddon, and you let them down.” Sam added.    


“The man with all the mojo -- Captain Evil.”   


“Oh, it's pathetic.”   


The boys were going back and forth speaking to Crowley as if they were his parents and he had been caught sneaking in after curfew.   


“What is this? An intervention?” Crowley asked, trying to defend himself.   


“You need to focus, Crowley. Get a grip!” Sam practically yelled.   


“What, you just gonna let Hell go to Hell?” Dean chimed in.   


Having enough, Crowley snarled, “You don't know what it's like to be human!”   


It took you a second to understand what had just been said. Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and he looked at the King of Hell with an expression that told you Dean thought the demon had lost it.   


“It's your DNA. It's my addiction, my cross, my burden!” Crowley yelled. You had to admit, it was a strange thing to see a demon addict. You were thoroughly confused by the topic of conversation and thankfully Dean tried to change the subject.   


“All right, take it easy.” He almost scoffed.   


“I see the darkness of it now, the Anthony Weiner of it. It makes you needy. I needed her. Lola used me. She reported everything I did back to Abaddon.” He glanced at the body of a woman in a black dress that was by the bed.

“Oh shit.” You whispered under your breath, making Crowley turn to you. He opened his mouth to say something but Sam cut him off.    


“Crowley... Did you tell her about the First Blade?”

 

Crowley hung his head and admitted, “I don't know. Things get a trifle blurry when I'm medicated.”   


“Great. If he told Lola, she definitely told Abaddon.” Sam’s voice was growing louder as he spoke.    


Putting it all together, Dean sighed. “Which means that Abaddon's in the hunt for this thing, too. All right, you know what? This crap ends now. You're cut off. Okay? Kicking it. Cold turkey.”

The boys put Crowley in the back seat, making sure he was handcuffed so he couldn’t try anything. “Can you stay here with him? Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid while we are gone.” Dean asked you. You agreed and he handed you a knife that you recognised at a demon killing blade. “Just in case someone comes and tried anything.” He told you before turning back to the hotel. Sam and Dean cleaned up the hotel room as best they could to erase the fact that the three of you were there and met you at the Impala. 

While you were waiting, Crowley didn’t say much to you that you understood. Most of it was babbling about blood and needing to find another helper. When the Winchesters got back, you started to slide into the backseat but Dean shook his head and put a hand on your shoulder stopping you. 

“Let Sam sit back there with him. You can ride shotgun with me. Safer that way.” He insisted.

You never thought you would be able to sit in the front of the Impala and you were not going to say no to the opportunity.

~

You had been in the car for a few hours before Crowley woke up from his nap. He groaned when he realized that he was still handcuffed and captured by the Winchesters. “Boys, this isn’t necessary. Honestly, I’m fine.” He tried to bargain.

“Yeah, I don’t think so. Shut up.” Dean snapped. 

Crowley sat back for a minute before you felt eyes on you. “So, isn’t anyone going to introduce me to this lovely lady you gents have brought with you?” He asked. 

“It doesn’t matter who she is.” Sam tried to hedge, but you didn’t care if he had your name.

“Y/N.” You said, earning a small glare from Dean.

“Well, well. What is a lovely thing like you doing with these neandertals?” He asked.

“None of your business.” You fired at him, trying to show that you were not scared of him.

He laughed. “Well. I see you’re a spitfire. I like that, darling.” 

You turned your head slightly to see him lean forward and smell your hair, like an absolute creep. Sam grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back into the seat with a look of disgust. “Seriously, Crowley? Stop being an asshole.” Sam chastised him.

You turned to look at Dean, and saw his knuckles white from grabbing the wheel so tightly. His jaw was tense and it looked like he was trying hard to keep himself together. He glanced at you and you saw worry in his eyes. You tried your best to smile at him to let him know you weren’t bothered by Crowley’s antics.

The rest of the ride was quiet with the occasional complaint from Crowley. Dean looked over at you a few times to make sure you were okay before staring at the road, lost in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Hope you are enjoying this so far. I'm so excited to finally finish this chapter! It was a little touch and go there for a bit and it took way too long to get this to you, and for that I'm sorry. 
> 
> Please please let me know if you have any suggestions. <3


	8. Albert Magnus

You got back to the bunker and stepped inside the library. Sam and Dean heaved Crowley toward the back of the bunker, supposedly to keep him in one central location. Being curious, you decided to follow them to see where the King of Hell was going to call home in the next few decades. You hoped it was something good enough to keep him in check because from the stories you heard, he was not someone to underestimate.

Walking through a doorway, you were faced with file cabinets. There were hundreds of files from ground to floor. It wouldn’t surprise you if there were somewhere up to a thousand files in the little dark room. As impressive as the room was, you were left confused. Why were they bringing Crowley in here?

“Uh. Guys? Don’t you think somewhere not near a ton of information might be better? I mean, it’s your place and all but that just seems pretty stupid.” You voiced your concerns, making the boys stop walking and turn to you.

Instead of answering, Sam and Dean turned to look at each other with knowing glances. Dean turned back to you with a smirk adorning his lips but didn’t say anything. Instead, they reached for one of the metal shelves and pulled it to reveal a room. 

You were impressed but it didn’t prepare you for what you would see when they turned on the lights. There was a devils trap that took up most of the room and there was a chair waiting for Crowley to be dumped in with what looked like manacles attached to the arms. There were chains positioned around the room for additional prisoners and you found yourself slowly walking to one, gently picking it up. There was spell work etched into the cuffs and you let out a low whistle. 

“Damn.” You spoke to no one in particular.

“I know. It’s awesome.” Dean told you, smiling like a proud father watching his child see Star Wars for the first time. 

“Little help here.” Sam grunted, trying to get Dean to help him. 

“Ah, Moose. What do you say you and I stop with the theatrics. If you want to see me in chains, all you have to do is ask. Although, the little bird over there would look better in them than I would.” Crowley smirked in your direction.

The boys pushed Crowley into the chair roughly and chained his hands to the chair so he wouldn’t be able to get out. Dean cocked his arm back and let it fly through the air, making Crowley’s head snap to the side when it connected. “Ow!” He yelled indignantly.

“Sam. You got this?” Dean asked his brother. Sam nodded and Dean walked over to you, grasping your arm lightly. He led you out of the dungeon and didn’t stop until you were in the kitchen. 

“Dean, what the hell is going on?” You asked him. 

He stood for a second looking like he was trying to gather his thoughts. His eyes scanned your face before he sighed. “I don’t want you in there.” He said simply.

“Is this because you still don’t trust me?” You asked, crossing your arms in defiance. The thought stung that the older Winchester still didn’t trust you. It had been weeks since you basically moved in with them and you thought you proved yourself to them. You had answered every question thrown your way and saved their asses on multiple occasions. They even felt good enough to leave you in the bunker by yourself from time to time.

“What? No. That’s not what I meant. I don’t trust  _ him _ . I just think it’s better if you stay as far away from Crowley as possible if you can help it.” He defended himself.

The fight that was building up in you died immediately and turned into disbelief. You studied his face for any sign that he thought you were weak, or that you couldn’t be trusted and he was lying about trusting you. But you saw nothing but concern in his eyes. This realization was amplified when you noticed he was standing between you and the door, his stance defensive of you, just in case someone or something came through the door. You took all of this in in a matter of seconds and you relaxed your position.

“I can do that. But I am not sitting this one out. I’m coming with you guys.” You told him. 

He was shaking his head. “It’s too dangerous. You’re gonna stay here and wait for us to deal with this.”

You placed your hands on your hips, “not a chance Winchester.” You didn’t break eye contact as he tried to stare you down. “I’m in this. 100%.” 

“Alright, Half Pint. Whatever you say.” He muttered. You knew the discussion wasn’t over yet and honestly, you didn’t care. You were going to help whether they liked it or not.

~

The Winchesters were out with Crowley trying to find the First Blade. Crowley told Sam that it had been found by an unmanned submarine and ended up, after many transactions, in the hands of a man who bought it from pirates. You tried to go with them but Dean put his foot down and you were left behind. They took Crowley because they didn’t want him there with you alone, but also, he was handy when it came to getting information that they may need. 

You let the brothers go without too much of a fuss, but when they got back, you were going to tear them a new one. 

Unfortunately, they had been gone for quite some time and you were starting to get worried. Just as you were dialing Dean’s number, they walked through the door with Crowley. 

“Did you get it?” You asked, walking up to the three men.

“Not exactly, but we know where it is.” Dean told you, shoving Crowley forward. 

“So, why don’t we have it? What’s the hold up?” You asked. 

With a loud sigh, Crowley told you, “it’s me, pet. They don’t trust me to go with them. Maybe I could just stay here with you. Wouldn’t be all bad.” He told you. 

“Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m coming with you guys.” You told the Winchesters. 

Dean glared at you while Sam was the one who spoke. “I don’t actually think that’s a good idea, Y/N. We don’t know what we’re up against.”

“No. I don’t think you heard me. I said i’m coming with you.” 

“You didn’t hear us. No you’re not.” Dea told you, raising his voice a little. 

He glared at you, keeping his hold on Crowley so he couldn’t go anywhere. 

You couldn’t help but smirk. “Fine. I’ll just stay here with Crowley, all on my own. We might even have a nice long chat about life in general. Who knows, we could become besties.” You didn’t want to make that threat, but there was nothing else you could do. You had to go with them on this. You had to help, so you wouldn’t feel like you were useless and if threatening the Winchesters with your safety was the way to do it, then so be it.

“Oh, I like her Moose. You should keep this one.” Crowley tossed at Sam.

Dean glared at Crowley, and then glared at you. You could see the wheels spinning in his head, trying to come up wit a way around this, but you knew he wouldn’t be able to.

“It’s not happening.” He said firmly.

~

You were walking away from one of the detectives wearing one of your new suits and a cocky expression. You had found out a few things but you knew the Winchesters would find out the same information. You were posing as a rookie and their trainee. The Winchesters were behind you talking to another detective, trying to get some information about what happened. As you walked up, the boys turned to you. Dean still had a look of disapproval on his face as he looked at you.

“I can’t believe I let you come with us.” He growled. The sound sent a shiver up your spine and you had to remind yourself that you were in a public place and now was not the time to get feelings. 

“Oh sweetie, no one lets me do anything.” You smirk. You know you shouldn’t be enjoying this so much, but you can’t help it. You convinced Dean to see things your way. It was actually easy when you got Sam on your side. He was much better at convincing his brother than you were that you deserved to be with them when they found out information about the blade.

They found out about what you knew but the curator was coming in and the three of you wanted to talk to her. When she finally got there, you could tell she was interested in the boys, because she hardly glanced at you. She was an older woman, maybe in her 50s, but she was still pretty and she exuded confidence. 

“So, the First Blade was never on display?” Sam asked when Dr. McElroy introduced herself.

“No authenticated item by that name was ever on these premises.” She hedged the question.

“‘Authenticated.’ Dr. McElroy, this Blade was stolen and smuggled into the U.S. in violation of treaties with several governments. We can compel you to speak.” You smirked at his easy lie and authoritative voice. 

“‘Compel’? And what might that involve?” Dr. McElroy asked. Her voice hinted at a deeper innuendo and you glared at her. That is just unprofessional. When no one answered her and Dean looked like he couldn’t form a complete thought, she answered the question. “All right, look, I did acquire the so-called First Blade. And carbon dating did peg it to biblical times, but the authentication proved unreliable.”

“So it was in the vault.” You tried to confirm. She glanced at Sam before turning her focus back on Dean.

“I removed it myself. The guards didn't know.”

“And where is it now?” Sam asked.

“Several weeks ago, a confidential offer was made to purchase it. I was afraid we would never authenticate the thing, so --”

You interrupted her, “Who was the buyer?” You just wanted to get on with this. 

She turned to you and scowled in a professional way that made you feel a little impressed at the skill. “Sorry. The buyer insisted on absolute secrecy.”

Dean decided to jump in. “Well...federal statutes trump your little deal. So...the buyer?”

“And you'll get it out of me one way or another, won't you, Agent?” She asked, her voice becoming dangerously low and flirtatious.

You looked at Dean and saw that he was smirking and making eyes at Dr. McElroy. You cleared your throat loudly and pretended to cough a couple of times. “Sorry about that. My throat has been bothering me lately.” You announced making Sam look at you. He saw the expression on your face and his eyes lit up.

“Hmm. I never did know his real identity. He called himself "Magnus." Don't ask me where he lives. I have no idea. But I do have a meeting. So, here is my number, should you need anything else.” Sam tried to grab the number from her, but she took it away and looked pointedly at Dean. He took her number with a smile while you and Sam just stared at him. When the curator left, Dean looked at Sam like he scored something big. It wasn’t until he looked at you that his smile fell a little. He cleared his throat and pocketed the curator’s number but not before crushing it in his palm. 

Sam motioned to start walking away from listening ears. “Did you catch that? "Magnus"? "Albert Magnus"? The name the Men of Letters used when they want to be incognito?”

“Didn’t you say that all the Men of Letters were dead?” You asked Dean. You remember him telling you about meeting his grandfather and the fact that the secret organization that owned the building you were in were wiped out by Abaddon in the fifties.

“Yeah, I did. Because they are.” Dean told you.

“Do we know that though?” Sam asked. “This can’t just be a coincidence.”

“Well, what about Crowley? Would he know?” You asked, trying to find a solution. 

“Maybe. Good thing we have him in chains.” Dean paused. “I never thought I would actually say that in a non kinky way.”

Your mind betrayed you, because all you could think about was what it would be like for Dean to have you in chains. Shaking your head, you pushed the thoughts away. Turning to Dean, you couldn’t help yourself. “You ready Casanova?” You asked sarcastically, ready to get back to the bunker. 

~

You found yourself in the library surrounded by tons of files. The boys talked to Crowley and he gave them the idea that your mystery “Albert Magnus” could be a member that was kicked out of the Men of Letters before the massacre of the entire club. Sam was almost too eager to do the researching while you and Dean looked at the amount of files you had to dig through and sighed. It wasn’t that you didn’t like researching, it was just this was not what you wanted to do at that moment. You wanted to be out kicking something’s ass, but for now this would have to do.

Eventually Dean found someone who fit the profile. He was a real piece of work. His name was Cuthbert Sinclair, which of course you found yourself giggling at. Poor guy probably had it rough growing up. According to the file, he was the one behind most of the warding on the bunker but most of his spells were deemed too dangerous for the Men of Letters and were rejected. 

“Okay. He sounds like our guy, but how do we find him?” You asked the obvious.

Turns out the answer, as it so often seemed to be in recent days, was Crowley. He tracked Sinclair to a field but his demons never actually found the elusive magician. After much debate and prodding, Crowley convinced the Winchesters to take him along to find Sinclair, which is how you ended up standing in a clearing with the three men. 

The theory was that because the Winchesters were Legacies, Cuthbert would let them in and talk to them.

“Okay, so how do we get him to open the door? Just talk to him and he will let us in?” You asked, thinking it had to be more complicated than that. 

“There’s no ‘we’ in this. Sam and I are gonna go in and talk to him, but you are staying here.” Dean informed you.

“What? No. I’m coming with you guys. You need backup.” You said, taking a step closer to him and standing up straight. There was no way they were leaving you. 

“We need you to stay here with Crowley. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” Sam agreed with his brother. 

“Screw that, what if something happens to you guys? I am just as capable of going in there as you guys are.” You fumed.

Dean grabbed your elbow lightly and led you off to the side so he could talk to you. “Look, Y/N. You’re staying here and that’s final. I can’t have you in there because if something goes wrong, I can’t have you to worry about. You are not getting hurt because of us.”

“That’s bullshit. You know I can handle myself.” You were hurt a little more than you let on. Did he really think you wouldn’t be able to protect yourself? You thought you had proven yourself to the Winchesters already but apparently not. 

Dean reached up to put his hand on your cheek. The gesture shocked you a bit but you didn’t pull away. You felt the warmth from his hand spread into your skin and you found yourself leaning into it. “I can’t be worried about you in there. If you want to help us, stay with Crowley. If he tries to do anything, stab him with this.” He hands you the demon killing blade, but you push it back to him while you pull out your own.

“Thanks, but I’m covered. Anyway, he’s in those nifty demon cuffs, so he can’t do too much damage.” You paused watching the gold flecks dance in his eyes. “You better come back out. And make sure Sam comes back too.” 

Dean nods to you before turning away and heading back to Sam. He gestures that it is time for them to try getting Cuthbert to show himself. 

“Cuthbert Sinclair -- uh, Magnus -- whatever. We're Sam and Dean Winchester, Henry Winchester's grandsons.” Sam spoke into the air. If you didn’t know what they were doing, you would have thought they were crazy.

  
“And Men of Letters, ourselves.” Dean joined in.

  
“We know what happened back in the day. We don 't necessarily agree with it. We figured...Maybe you want to tell your side of the story.” It was a lie that easily rolled off Sam’s tongue and you couldn’t believe that it worked. 

A doorway filled the space in front of them. Sam and Dean glanced at each other for a second before turning back to look at you. Sam gave you a small smile and Dean winked at you before they walked through the archway and disappeared.

“Holy shit.” You mumbled. 

“Well, darling. Looks like it’s just you and I. What shall we do to pass the time?” Crowley’s voice comes from behind you.

Turning around, you let your fist fly and connect with the side of his face. He stumbled back a bit and shook his head, clearing the pain. “How about you sit down and not talk.” You snapped at him. The boys couldn’t be gone too long and that gave you some comfort.

~

The boys were only gone for a few minutes before Sam appeared in the clearing alone. Your head snapped up and took in his disheveled appearance before you bounded to your feet and rushed over to him. You checked him over, making sure there were no wounds and sighed when you found none.

“Magnus has Dean.” He told you in a rushed panic. 

“Shit!” You huff. “We have to get him back.”

Sam hurried to the impala and opened the trunk. He sifted through some of the contents before threatening Crowley, who had gotten a bit too close for comfort to the trunk.

“Who would have thunk it, eh, moose -- you and me, same team, in the trenches. When this is over, we can get matching tattoos. Maybe Kitten can take the picture for our Christmas card.” Crowley taunted Sam. 

  
Sam found a box that he was looking for and sat down in the Impala to look in it. “Just to be clear, Crowley, we are not on the same anything. By the way, since the place is warded, your powers are useless, which means you are useless, even more so than usual.”

You had to admit, that was cold but you knew the demon deserved it. 

  
Crowley smirked. “You're gonna need another set of hands when you get in there.” 

“What am I, chopped liver?” You asked, stepping up to Crowley. “If anyone is going in there with Sam, it’s me.”

  
Crowley ignored you and turned back to Sam. “If memory serves me, I'm the one who helped your brother find Cain so that we could find the Blade, so that Dean could receive the Mark. I'm the one who flushed that lout Gadreel out of your noggin. So, lately, big boy, I've seen more playing time than you.” 

You knew that hit Sam hard. “Crowley. Shut the hell up. You’re not helping.” You turned to Sam. “What can I do?” 

“Look through these for anything that we can use to get into the mansion.” He said, handing you a couple of files. 

Sitting down in the back of the impala, you read through the files that never seemed to end. There were so many different spells and inventions that Cuthbert made and were rejected that you didn’t think you were going to be able to get through everything. It was dark before you found something worth reporting.

“Sam. Look at this.” You said handing him the file. “Magnus wanted to make the Men of Letters bunker invisible. They said he was crazy and it was rejected but, he wanted the only way into the bunker to be with a spell.” 

“We need some ingredients.” Sam looked at Crowley. “Go get these and I swear if you don’t come back, I will kill you.” Without saying a word, Sam took the cuffs off Crowley and let him get the ingredients. While the two of you waited, Sam gathered all the materials that you would need. You helped him gather the materials and when there was nothing left to do, you sat with him.

“Do you think Dean is okay?” You asked the question that had been roaming in your head.

“Yeah. He’s okay.” Sam told you in a clipped voice. You knew he was worried and you didn’t blame him. You were scared for Dean, even though you knew he could take care of himself, you couldn’t think about losing him. You reached for Sam and grasped his arm, giving it a squeeze. You hoped he would know it was going to be okay and by the small smile he gave you, you knew he appreciated the gesture.

A throat cleared behind the two of you and you turned to see Crowley, arms full of ingredients. 

Sam worked quickly to complete the spell. As he was doing his work, he spoke to you and Crowley. “I need both of you in there with me. Nothing matters except getting Dean out of there. So stay close and do what I say.” 

“I’m growing on you, aren’t I?” Crowley asked him.

Ignoring Crowley, Sam completed the spell and the doorway appeared. It was brighter than you remembered and as you walked up to it, you had to close your eyes so you wouldn’t be blinded.

It was the strangest feeling going through the portal. You felt almost weightless for a second before your surrounding became dark again. You opened your eyes to the most beautiful house you had ever been in. It was something you always pictured movie stars living in. 

Sam was on high alert, and motioned for you and Crowley to follow him. Rounding the corner, you heard footsteps and Sam motioned for you to stay behind him. “Stay here.” He mouthed to you before disappearing. 

“Y/N. Come out, I got him.” Sam called. You moved to join Sam and told Crowley to stay hidden just in case you needed him. 

Sam had a man at knifepoint. He was not what you expected. You imagined someone old but this man had to be no older than his mid thirties. The bowtie made him look younger as well, but it was his eyes that showed his age. “Take us to Dean.” You growled at him.

Walking down the hallway, the three of you rounded the corner. You saw Dean tied up to a post, his right sleeve pushed all the way up past his elbow. Something about him didn’t look right, but you ignored it and moved to meet him.

“Sam! Y/N! No!” He called as you reached him. You turned to look at Sam just as the man turned into someone else. You cursed yourself for not thinking about doing the normal tests as you realized it was a shapeshifter. The shifter tried to get out of Sam’s arms and pushed the knife away from him. Sam, being the expert with weapons that he is, made short work of the shifter, bringing the knife into his chest. 

You were too busy looking at Sam to see the man that was walking up behind you. “Y/N!” You heard Dean yell. Before you could react, you felt a gun touch the back of your head. Instantly, you froze, not wanting the person to misinterpret your movement and fire.

“Shape-shifter. You see? There are benefits to keeping a zoo.” You hear the voice next to your ear, making you shiver. 

Catching Dean’s eye, he shakes his head at you, knowing what you want to do. You smile apologetically and move quickly, trying to get the gun away from the man holding the three of you. You turn and knock the gun away from your head before he can fire it but you underestimated him. Before you could do anything else, his other arm came up and grabbed your arm. You tried to punch at him with your right arm but the butt of the gun came across your face, sending you tumbling to the ground. 

Your head felt like it was breaking in two as you opened your eyes and looked at the man who was smirking. “Well hello there, beautiful. I must admit, that was fun.” His gun was pointed at you as he turned to look at Sam. “Come any closer and I will shoot her.” He warned. 

You looked over to see the rage filling Sam’s eyes as he glared at Cuthbert. “Don’t hurt her.” You hear Dean say. 

“Alright, Sam. Tie her up to the post.” Magnus calls to Sam. You know there is no way Sam will be able to do anything other than what is asked because he doesn’t want you hurt. You should have stayed behind and you could have saved the day, but it was too late for that now.

~

After Sam tied you to the post, your arms pulled awkwardly behind you, Sam was tied to another post in the room. The situation went from bad to worse, when Magnus started talking. He grabbed a knife from his collection, and unsheathed it. 

“You know, I discarded you far too quickly, Sam. You're way more valuable than I thought you were. And Y/N, what a sweet addition you turned out to be.” He paused, turning to Dean. “Why would I knock myself out trying to sap your will? I think Sam and Y/N  here will get you to see things my way.”

  
Dean’s eyes go to yours and you try to stay calm. You know he sees the momentary panic in your eyes. Then he turned his eyes to Sam, seeing Magnus walk closer to the younger Winchester. “Magnus, I swear to God…” His voice thick and full of venom.

  
“What? What are you gonna do?” He asked Dean. In a patronizing tone, he turned to Sam. “What is he gonna do? Huh?”

  
Slowly, Magnus drug the knife against Sam’s cheek making a gash in his skin. Sam controlled himself and only let out a grunt from the pain.

“Sam!” You yelled, trying to get free from your ropes, but the more you fought against them, the more they bit into your skin and burned. You heard the chains from Dean trying to get out of his bonds and you prayed that he would be able to.

  
“Yeah, look, look, Sam, I'm not gonna kill you. Of course not.” Magnus crooned before walking away from him. To your horror, you saw Magnus heading right for you, knife raised. You fought against your bonds and tried to get away from him, but it was no use.

“Leave her alone, you dick.” Dean warned Magnus. “She’s got nothing to do with this.”

“See,I know that isn’t true because  I heard you talking outside my house. It was really sweet how you care for this one Dean. It’s almost like you love her and I can’t think of a better person to make you talk than a sweet, innocent little thing like this. Call me old fashioned but a girl is the best motivation.”

His left hand reached up to caress your cheek. As he got close, you turned your head and you felt your teeth tearing through his flesh. Your mouth filled with the copper taste of his blood and you heard him cry out. You knew you messed up when his hand flew against the side of your face, making your head snap to the side. You cried out in pain when it felt like your eye was on fire. There was nothing that could prepare you for the pain that came next. 

“Stop!” You heard Sam yell, but it didn’t faze Magnus at all. 

You felt the edge of the knife dig into the skin above your breast and as Magnus drug it down, you felt the blood trickle down your body. You didn’t want to scream but a grunt burst through your lips before you could stop it. 

“I am gonna make this one suffer unimaginably, all right?”

He brought the tip of the knife to your neck and started making a shallow cut, avoiding the arteries and major vessels. Of course this freak would know how to cut into someone without killing them. This time, you couldn’t stop the scream that burst from your throat. 

You barely noticed when the sound of chains dropping the ground floated through the air. You looked over to see Dean gone. You heard a sickening squelch and turned to see Magnus’s head off his shoulders with Dean standing behind him. Gasping in relief, you expected Dean to get you and Sam out of there but he just stood still, panting.   
Dean was still holding the Blade in his right hand and you saw that it was shaking. He turned to stare at Crowley, who you expected let Dean out of his chains.   
“Dean? Dean. Hey, it's over. He's dead.” Sam called out to his brother.

  
Dean looked down at the blade and you followed his gaze. The mark was glowing an orange color and the knife in Dean’s hand was something that looked like a jaw bone. 

“Dean?” You asked quietly.

Dean looked like he was thinking about something and he was pissed. His top lip turned into a snarl, almost like he was going to growl at it. The intensity rolling off him started to worry Sam.   
“Drop the Blade, Dean.” Sam tried to tell his brother in a soothing voice but Dean wasn’t paying attention. “Dean!!” Sam tried again. 

This time you could see Dean’s eyes blink rapidly as he realizes the scene in front of him.    
“Drop the Blade.” Sam tells him again, with a look of concern.

Something must have clicked in Dean’s head because he dropped the blade, almost as if it burned him. You could see his arm still shaking and the look of confusion on his face, making you want to wrap your arms around him and tell him it was going to be okay. 

As it was, you couldn’t because you were still tied up. When Dean calmed down enough, he untied his brother, who in turn got you free. Sam looked at the cuts on your body and deemed them to not be too bad. You knew there would be a nasty bruise on your face later and the cuts would take a while to heal. He did give you a cloth to put on your neck because it was still bleeding quite heavily. 

Holding the cloth to your neck, you asked the obvious question. “So, how do we get out of here?” 

~

Walking out of the woods, Crowley would not stop talking. “Brilliant, I must say. I'm speaking of myself, of course. All you three managed to do was get trussed up. Combine a little derring-do on my part, a little dumb muscle from squirrel, a little bleeding from moose and Kitten… Happy ending. Roll credits.”

  
You stepped through the last off the trees to see the Impala sitting with the doors wide open, and the things from the bags scattered everywhere. 

  
“No, no! Come on. What the hell?” Dean cursed as the three of you ran to the car. Dean desperately searched the car to make sure it was okay.

  
“That's sulfur -- demons.” You said, noticing the smell right away.

  
“Abaddon's. Well, she's just one jump behind us. Guess she couldn't find Magnus' joint, either. What about the trunk?” Dean called from the back of the car.

  
Sam went to unlock the trunk to see if you still had access to all the weapons. “Safe. Warding kept them out.”

  
You went to the front seat to see if they messed with anything up there. You saw the glove compartment open and papers were scattered around.

 

“Demon mitts all over my baby.” Dean seethed as he shut the back door. “Oh, come on!! Oh, now they're keying cars?!”

  
You got out of the front seat and went around the car to see what he was talking about. There was definitely a message left of the side of the car, and you knew Dean was going to kill whoever did it. He was on his knees, trying to get the scratches off his car. “What language is that?” You asked.

  
“It's Enochian.” Crowley offered. “The message isn't for you. It's for me. "Be afraid. Your Queen." Abaddon's getting more brazen. She thinks I'm losing my grip.”   
“Dean.” When Sam realized his brother wasn’t paying attention, he tried again. “Dean.”

  
Dean put his head up to the car in despair before getting up to listen to Sam.

  
“Listen, you said Crowley was only useful till we got the Blade. We got the Blade.”   


Before you could take his comment in, you found yourself being lifted off the ground and colliding with the impala with a thud. You realized that Crowley had flung all three of you after he realized what was going on. The force of the fling made the Blade fall from Sam’s hands and onto the ground near Crowley’s feet.   


“You know, boys, I'm in debt to you. You forced sobriety on me, and now I can see the situation for what it is. Dean, you are quite the killing machine. And it occurs to me that Abaddon is not the only name on your list. My name must be up there, as well.”  With a flick of his wrist, the blade flew to Crowley’s hand. 

“It's no good to you without me.” Dean tried to bargain with the demon.   


As if it was the most obvious answer in the world, Crowley said “Yes, but as long as I have it, it's no good to you. Now, this is the way it's going to go -- I'll hang on to old donkey teeth here until such time as you locate Abaddon. Then you'll destroy her. You're right, moose. You can't trust me. But, sadly, I can't trust you, either. By the way, Kitten.” He said as he turned to you. “If I were you, I would run far and fast from these two. People tend to die around them and I would hate to see you face the same fate.” 

“I think I’ll take my chances.” You spat at him. 

“Hmmm.” He mumbled before disappearing.

As soon as he was gone, you felt your feet hit the ground. You looked over to see the boys looking devastated. Dean turned back to his car and huffed when he saw the damage still there. Sam slumped against the car, hanging his head. You knew there was a lot of work to do, but you also knew you would stay with the Winchesters no matter what happened. There was no way in hell, you were going to let Crowley scare you away.    
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> Thanks for hanging in there with me. This chapter took longer than I thought it would but I finally finished it! woohoo!!!


	9. Just Do It, You Coward

You walked into the bunker, following Sam and Dean. You were a bit relieved when you stepped out of the Impala and into a space that you could be alone. The car ride back was tense and it seemed like Dean was thinking intently about something, while Sam glanced at his brother every few seconds, attempting to make sure he was okay. You sat in the back, not saying anything because your mind was racing. So much had happened in the past few hours and you had no idea what any of it meant.

Over the past few months, you knew that Dean hung around you more than he would hang around other people. You knew that you liked the way he smelled and the way he often brought is bottom lip into his teeth with his tongue. He always had that damn smirk on his face when he made a good point or a suggestive comment, and as much as it should annoy you, you found it charming. He had a good heart and you saw that through the small things he did for you and Sam. There was a tenderness in him that he didn’t want anyone else to see, but you could see it from the moment he helped you all those months ago. 

If you were a braver person, you would have made your move a long time ago. As it was, you thought if he was interested in you, he would pursue you. After all, that was what Dean was known for. There were a few times that you thought he was going to approach you, but it never happened. After a while, you figured he didn’t care about you the way you cared about him, so you let it go for the most part.

That was until you found Albert Magnus. He made comments while you were tied up in his mansion that Dean had feelings for you. At first, you didn’t think anything of it because that seemed impossible. Also, it was just Magnus saying that to get a rise out of Dean. But thinking back to the way Dean caressed your cheek and the way he showed his concern for you, you realized that he was making his move. It was in subtle ways that you were not expecting, but it was still there. The way he talked to you, being patient through all your questions, the way he let you cook him awful concoctions that he actually ate, and the speaker that he bought you, were just small things that showed he actually cared about you.

Before you could think about what you were doing, you were standing in front of Dean’s room. In all of your musings, you hadn’t realized how late it was. You didn’t remember hearing Sam or Dean go to their rooms, or any discussions about what happened at the mansion. You were so focused on what was going on in your mind that you didn’t even know if anything was said to you before you shut the door to your room. 

You stared at the number on Dean’s door. There was light pooling from underneath the door and you could see shadows moving telling you that he was awake. You took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm your nerves. Maybe you shouldn’t do this. No. You needed to. You had to know. “Just do it, you coward.” You whispered to yourself. 

You gave Dean’s door two swift knocks and waited, your bottom lip firmly captured between your teeth. When the door cracked open, you could see Dean’s confused, yet alert, expression. You tried to keep your fidgeting to a minimum when he glanced down at your hands, which were entangled together. “Y/N, you okay? What’s wrong? Is it Sam?” Dean’s voice grew more concerned with every question.

“No. No. God no, he is fine. I just, uh, can I come in for a second?” You asked finding your voice a bit higher and more rushed than it normally would be. 

Dean nodded and opened the door wider, letting you step past him. The close proximity was making you lose your nerve, so you decided to jump right into it when he closed the door. 

“How are you feeling?” You asked him. 

“Better. You doing okay, Half Pint?” He asked you, looking at your face where the bruises already formed. His eyes travelled to your neck where you had a bandage covering the deep wound Magnus gave you.

“I’m good. Always.” You tried to keep the conversation light. “I’ve had worse than a few cuts.”

Dean nodded and then looked down. “I’m sorry.” He muttered. 

Confused, you stepped closer to him. “For what?”

“For getting you hurt.” It looked like the breath had been sucked from his body, making his shoulders drop and his head hang slightly. 

“You didn’t do this to me, that asshole did.” 

“Yeah, but I should have stopped him. You were there and I was supposed to protect you and I couldn’t.” He swallowed thickly. 

“It’s not your job to protect me. I went in there, knowing that I might not come out. That’s the job, Dean and no one expects you to protect everyone all the time.” You knew he thought he was the reason that you were hurt but he needed to get over that.

“Yeah, well I do.” He said. There was a long pause before he continued. “Maybe… maybe Crowley was right.” He shook his head slightly. 

“About?” You questioned tentatively.

“You being around us. It’s going to get you killed. Maybe it’s best that you leave. Just run. Run away from us and try to find a normal life.” He told you, making you take a step back.

“Fuck that.” There was no way you were going to abandon them, especially with Dean dealing with the Mark. Not now, that you have come to terms with your feelings for the older Winchester. There was no way.

“I mean it Y/N, I’m not good for you. We aren’t good for you. Leave.”

“No.” You challenged.

“I’m not kidding. Get your stuff and get out. I don’t care where you go, just get away from me.” He said, his tone hardening. 

“What are you doing to do if I don’t?” You stepped toward him. 

“I’ll make you leave.” He said taking a step forward. There was fire in his eyes, and you knew he would try.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You stood your ground. “I’m not leaving you. I care about you too damn much to just walk away.” Your voice was getting louder as you felt the courage to say what you have wanted to say all along. “And you know what? I think Magnus was right about you. You care about me too, and there’s nothing you can say to me that will make me walk away from you. And dammit, I won’t let you think that you are a failure, because you aren’t.” With each sentence, you took a step closer to him until you were breathing heavily in frustration and anxiety. You continued until you werestanding almost against him. “I love you too much for you to think …” 

Your words were cut off by the pressure of his lips crashing against yours. You didn’t respond for a second, from sheer surprise but then you let yourself lean into the kiss. It was almost primal and needy, leaving you little time to breathe and you were okay with that. His lips were soft and they molded around yours perfectly. You flung your arms around his neck as he reached down to grab you behind the knees. He lifted you up and you hooked your legs around his waist letting him carry you. 

He put you on the bed gently as you started to unbutton his flannel. He made sure never to break the kiss as you tore the flannel from his body. Running your hands down his chest, you could feel the muscle underneath your fingertips that you had admired for so long. He was pressed so close against you that you could feel his arousal, making you moan into his mouth. Dean broke the kiss long enough to get you shirt over your head letting him take in your form. You felt his eyes rake over your body, eyes lighting up with excitement and his mouth twisting into that damn smirk. You knew that there wouldn’t be anymore talking about you leaving. Hell, there wouldn’t be any talking for the rest of the night. When he didn’t move, you threatened, “I swear, if you don’t start touching me and I have to finish this myself, I’m going to kill you.”

“Not a chance Sweetheart.” He said before taking your lips in his again.

~

You were wrapped in Dean’s arms, head laying on his chest, listening to him breathe. You had to admit, he was everything that you expected him to be and more. His fingers were tracing circles against the skin on your hip and you could hear him humming a tune. “What is that?” You whispered.

You felt him chuckle beneath you. “It’s a song my mom would sing me when I was little. Hey Jude.” 

“It’s nice.” You sighed, closing your eyes. You felt his lips press against the top of your head.

“I’m glad you said something when you did. Sorry I was gonna kick you out.” He told you.

You turned your head to look at him. His eyes were searching your face for any indication of anger and you could see the slight sheepish look on his face. “I know why you said it. You don’t want me to get hurt, but like I said, I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“I think you made that clear when you yelled at me. I gotta say, that was super hot though.” He smiled at you as you stuck your tongue out at him.

You heard footsteps outside the door and you immediately felt all the blood drain out of your face. “Shit. What are we going to tell Sam?” You asked in a quiet voice. Dean just shrugged as there was a knock at the door and Sam’s voice came from the other side.

“Hey Dean, get dressed and stop moping around in there. Come on man. And tell Y/N that she owes me breakfast.” His voice sounded like he was trying hard not to smile.

“Yeah, yeah. Got it, Sammy.” Dean called back.

You groaned as Dean started to move out from under you. “I can’t believe he knew I was in here.” 

“Well, you were a little loud.” Dean smirked while putting on his jeans. 

“Ugh, just kill me now. Take that blade of yours and just kill me so I don’t have to go out there and see Sam’s face.” You said dramatically.

You looked up to find that Dean had stopped his movements. He had a far off look on his face and he was absentmindedly grabbing his right arm where the mark was. His expression that was lighthearted a second ago fell into darkness. “Dean?” You asked.

He didn’t move. He didn’t focus on you at all so you got out of bed and walked over to him. You reached up to cup his face in your hand. When you felt his rough skin under your fingers, Dean finally looked down at you as you said his name again. “Dean, it’s gonna be okay.” 

Slightly shaking his head, he stared at you. “No. It’s not. Not until I find Abaddon and end this.” Without saying anything else, he turned and walked out of the bedroom, leaving you to question everything that was happening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies!   
> I am so sorry for the short chapter! I have not updated in a couple of weeks, so I wanted to get something out to yall. I was originally going to have this within the next chapter, but I felt that it needed to happen before the next few things. 
> 
> Comments, suggestions, spelling and grammar error comments are always welcome. If you see something is misspelled or said wrong, please tell me so I can make this better!


	10. What the Fuck Just Happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> I am super excited about this chapter. It isn't as long as I would like, but moving on from here didn't feel right. Also, SMUT ahead!

You found yourself sitting at the table surrounded by books about religion and curses. For the thousandth time, you glanced over at Dean only to see the same sight. He was holding his head in his hands looking at a page he had been staring at for half an hour, like he could magically find an answer. He sighed and stood up, grabbing his empty glass. He headed over to the whiskey and poured a generous helping. He had been drinking quite a bit lately and you understood why, you were just becoming concerned about what he was doing to himself. 

Sam figured out what had happened between you and Dean, and relentlessly teased you about it, making your face turn red. It wasn’t until Dean glared at him that he stopped. It didn’t bother you too bad because you knew he was happy for his brother. Though, you couldn’t help glare at him when he excused himself from the room in an awkward way to let you be alone with his brother. Subtlety was not Sam’s strong suit and it was painfully obvious that he was trying to push you to Dean. When you asked him about it, he just shrugged and said he thought it was a good thing. 

After the night you let Dean know how you felt, the two of you fell into an unpredictable and undefined need to be with each other. There were moments when he would come up behind you and wrap you in his arms, making you feel the safest you have ever felt. The day would be filled with teasing and him brushing past you, just to feel your skin on his. They would end with the two of you in his bed, you wrapped in his arms like you were the most precious thing to him. But then sometimes, he would ignore you completely all day, not even answering when you asked him questions. He would stare at open books and drink excessively, making you worry. Those days were the hardest. You knew the Mark was doing something to him, but you had no idea how to help him except find Abaddon, which you were having no luck with. In the short time you had known him, you could tell he was changing and that scared you. You couldn’t even imagine what Sam was feeling, watching his brother turn into someone else.

One night, as you lay in his arms, his fingers tracing circles on your side, you asked him. “Dean, are you okay?” 

“Yeah. I would hope so, bein’ here with you.” He grunted. 

“That’s not what I mean.” You hesitated and he waited. “Are you okay...with the Mark?” His fingers stopped moving on your skin and he breathed in a long breath. 

“It’s...okay. Most of the time. It helps being near you. If I’m near you, it’s like, protecting you is more important than the way the Mark makes me feel.” He was honest, something that he didn’t normally do. Especially when it came to feelings. Honestly, he hated talking about his feelings, but he knew you worried about him and he thought if he told you a little, you wouldn’t press him on the things he wanted to keep to himself. 

“I’m here. Whenever you need. I just need you to know that I’m not giving up on you.” You told him, shifting so you could kiss him. 

“What did I do to deserve someone like you?” He asked, searching your eyes.

You chuckled. “I think you just drew the short straw.” 

His eyebrows knitted together slightly. “Come here.” He pulled you to him and pressed his lips against yours. “Trust me, no one that draws a short straw gets a woman like you.”

You laid down against his side and melted into him. It wasn’t long before you drifted to sleep.

~

_ You stood in the depths of a cavern, sweat covering your face from the scalding temperatures that engulfed you. There were the faint sounds of screaming echoing through the darkness. There was no way to know where they were coming from, but you knew whatever was happening to them wasn’t good. _

_ “Come on, Y/N! Don’t you want to know what happened?” The demon taunted you. “Don’t you want to know how I know your precious little Daddy?”  _

_ “No.” It was the third time you answered it’s questions with a simple answer. _

_ “Not even if it has something to do with your mother’s death?” It prodded.  _

_ This caught your interest and you had a hard time saying no again. ‘Demons lie’ you told yourself. It was the only thing keeping you from going insane from all the quips the demon threw at you. _

_ “Honestly, Y/N, do you believe that everything I say is a lie? I mean, I told you I was going to make you gut that whore yesterday and I did. See? I don’t lie.” You recoiled at the memory. “Now, just answer me one teensy question. Didn’t you think it was strange how your mother died?”  _

_ This threw you. You had accepted the fact that your mom died of natural causes. Although, the doctor didn’t look you in the eye when he told you that your mother died of a ruptured aneurysm. It was so sudden, that you didn’t want to believe it, so you checked her body for marks that would lead you to a monster. When it came up clean, you were stumped as to what killed her until you accepted that it was a natural death. Now, you didn’t know what to think. _

_ “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You lied. Of course you suspected it at first but you were so busy taking care of the kids that you didn’t have the time to investigate it. _

_ A high pitched laughter echoed through your skull. “Now who’s the liar?” It teased. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” _

_ “Then why don’t you enlighten me, you fucking coward.” You snarled. You knew it was not a particularly good idea, but you had held onto your self control for long enough.  _

_ “Oh, there’s that sass my father was talking about. Good to know it’s still there. Be careful, little girl. One more outburst from you like that, I’m gonna make you wish you’ve never been born.”  _

_ You recoiled slightly under the threat. You knew it would be able to follow through with the threat but you didn’t want to know how.  _

_ “I knew it wasn’t natural.” You conceded.  _

_ “Do you want to know what happened?” The demon tempted.  _

_ “Why are you telling me this? It’s not out of the goodness of your heart. So why?” Suddenly, you realized, there was a reason you were having this conversation and you didn’t really want to know why you were in a dark cave.  _

_ “Oh sweetie. You have no idea what you walked into do you? That’s okay, it will be more fun for me to show you anyway.”  _

_ Your body started walking through the cavern, avoiding the sharp dips in the ground with ease. You didn’t know what was going on but you knew that it wasn’t good. Turning the corner, the sight that graced you made a scream burst through your lips.  _

_ There was no way he could be there. _

_ “Dad?” _

_ ~ _

You were vaguely aware of a hand rubbing your arm. It was like you were caught between being awake and unconsciousness. Then you heard your name being said. It was almost like being lifted out of ice water, all of your senses came rushing back. The tank top you were wearing was wet with sweat and you realized you were panting, trying to draw in as much air as you could even though it felt as if your lungs were being constructed. 

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. Look at me. Y/N, look at me.” 

You turned to see Dean’s face near yours, eyes locked on your face. He seemed calm but you knew there was real worry underneath it. 

“Dea...I...there wa….I was…” You tried so damn hard to complete your sentences but your brain was moving so fast and your need for air took over, making your words come out in incoherent bursts. You could feel you body shaking with the aftermath of the nightmare. 

Dean reached up and brushed away the moisture that fell from your eyes. Grabbing your face between his hands, he held you so you would look at him. “You don’t have to talk about it right now. It’s okay.” 

He drug you to him and held you close while you tried to control your breathing. He purposely steadied his breath so you could match his easily and eventually you were able to breathe again. 

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. For a second you didn’t think he heard you. 

“For what?” He asked softly. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you up with all this. I thought I had it under control.” 

He didn’t speak for a while. The silence went on for so long, you didn’t think he was going to say anything at all. 

“You know, when I came back from Hell… I, uh… I had a hard time. I, uh, didn’t really know how to deal with the nightmares. Hell, I didn’t even let Sammy know I was havin a hard time… What I’m tryin to say is, we’ve seen shit that most people wouldn’t dream of. It’s bound to creep up on you at some point. But I don’t ever want you to apologize for needin me. You hear me?” You shook your head on his chest. “You and Sammy are all I’ve got left and dammit, I’m gonna protect you from everything that I can.” 

There was a conviction in his tone that simultaneously relaxed you and made you worry. You didn’t know if it was just him talking, or if the Mark was adding in heat to his words. Either way, you knew Dean had you and he wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

~

If there was anything better than sex, it would be a hot shower. You stood under the spray letting the hot water relax your muscles. For some reason you were tense and it was carried in your shoulders. You rolled your neck around, trying to get your body to ease up on the tension, making you moan. 

“Now, I thought I was the only one who could make you do that.”

You jumped a little when you heard Dean speak behind you. You hadn’t heard him come through the door and he moved so quietly that you didn’t know how long he was standing there. Turning around, you caught sight of him standing a bit away from you leaning against the wall. His eyes raked your body up and down, lust blown and hungry. 

The Men of Letters showers were the communal kind, with just a small wall between you and the next stall, giving very little privacy. In this case, you didn’t mind. 

“You’ve got some competition in that area.” You challenged him, rubbing your hand against the back of your neck, working through the muscles. 

Something flashed in his eyes and he started walking towards you. You thought he was going to take off his clothes and join you, but were surprised when he just stepped into the water clothes and all. His eyes never left yours and when he reached you his hands came up to hold your face. He backed you up until you felt the wall against your back and his lips crashed into yours. It wasn’t like it was the first time, this was hungrier and more urgent. His body pressed into yours and you felt him hard against you through his jeans, making your breath come faster in anticipation. 

You felt him grab you from behind your thighs and lift you so you could wrap your legs around his torso so you were wedged between the wall and his body. You felt the familiar heat in the pool in your belly and you found yourself grinding against him. The roughness of his jeans, making you let out a soft moan. 

“Keep making those sounds and I won’t be able to control myself much longer.” He growled as his lips traveled to your neck and down to your breasts making you moan again. He pulled back from you and quirked his eyebrow up. You smirked back, challenging him.

He set you down and undid his belt, sliding his pants down enough to get free from the fabric. Hooking your leg around him, he slammed into you, making you cry out. He didn’t give you a chance to adjust before he started moving in you, instantly making you grab his shoulders as you felt the pleasure surge through your body. 

He moved at an unforgiving pace, jolting your body against the wall as the water sprayed around the two of you. His hand around your leg tightened until it became almost uncomfortable. You felt your body building as he worked within you and you wanted that sweet release.

You looked up at Dean, wanting to see him looking at you with the love that he always did. Instead you met his eyes and saw nothing but hunger. You pulled back slightly but he didn’t relent on his pace. You instantly felt your arousal peak and you cried out as you tightened around him, sending you into spasms of pleasure. 

He didn’t stop. His pace unrelenting until he reached his climax and emptied himself inside you with a grunt. You were panting as he set you on the ground. You had your eyes closed but you popped them open when you heard his zipper go up. When you opened your eyes he was walking away from you shoulders set.

“Dean?” You called after him. 

He kept walking and didn’t look back at you. When the door shut behind him, you were left standing naked in the showers feeling confused. 

What the fuck just happened? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. This is literally the first time I have ever written smut. Like ever. So, sorry if it isn't wonderful. Honestly, I am more of a fade to black person, but I felt this needed to be written. Dean's mood swings are super harsh right now and I needed to show that. So, sorry about that. okay, byeeeeee.


	11. Conversations

Standing in your room, you had a towel wrapped around your body. You hadn’t had the energy to get dressed yet and you felt almost in a fog. You sat on the bed and closed your eyes, letting yourself take a deep breath in. You were new to being involved with Dean and it came as no surprise that things weren't entirely normal.  As hunters, there wasn’t much in the way of normal relationships, so it didn’t bother you too much, but this was different. With Dean having the Mark of Cain, there was something more intense in your relationship than with other hunters. It scared you, if you were being honest with yourself. 

This morning in the shower didn’t help your fears. You thought Dean was going to be the sweet man that he normally was with you, but it ended up feeling like he was using you for his pleasure. To be fair, you wanted it and it made you feel good. But there was the predatory look in his eye that confused you. He had been struggling with the Mark and you knew it was changing him. But he also said that when you were near, it made him feel normal and in control. Didn’t he just say that last night? 

It was your own fault. You knew going into this that he was going through a lot and you had accepted that it was going to be hard. As fast as that thought went through your mind, you shook your head, snapping yourself out of it. No matter what the circumstances were, you didn’t deserve to be treated badly. But, were you being treated badly? He didn’t do anything wrong. You egged him on, clearly wanting sex. But not like that. 

You dropped your head into your hands and groaned in frustration. You were just going around in circles. There wasn’t an answer here. Maybe all you needed to do was talk to someone about what happened. There was no way you were going to tell Sam, that was off limits. You didn’t know if Dean was in the right mindset to talk about it. So that left … no one. 

You realized with a jolt that you had no one. Suddenly, all you wanted to do was talk to your mom. For the first time since she died, you craved being able to call her and talk to her about normal things. Things that a mother and a daughter would talk about, but that wasn’t possible. You wanted her to tell you the answers and to stroke your hair and tell you that she would be behind you no matter what. You wanted to bury your head in her arms and hear her telling you that everything was okay. 

With your chest aching, tears started streaming down your face. You laid down on your side and wrap your arms around your legs, trying to make yourself as small as possible until your emotions pass. If you were being honest, you had not given yourself time to grieve anything that you had been through. There was so much that had happened and you tried to stay strong, but this was the final straw. 

A knock at your door snapped you out of your meltdown. 

“Y/N?” Sam asked through the door. “Are you okay?” 

Wiping away the tears, you pulled yourself together and hoped that your voice wouldn’t betray you. “Yeah, come in Sam.” 

The door opened and Sam poked his head in as you sat up. Immediately, you saw that you were not as put together as you thought because his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He glanced down at you and his eyes darted toward the ceiling as he avoided looking at you. 

“Uh, Y-Y/N. You’re still in, your uh, towel.” He stammered.

Looking down at yourself you realized he was right. You felt the heat rise to your face and you suddenly realized how naked and unprotected you were. 

“Sorry! Can you give me a second?” You asked. 

As Sam shut the door to give you some privacy, you stood up and raced to your dresser, pulling out a large shirt that went down to your knees. You slipped it in over your towel, making sure you were covered. For some reason you felt uncomfortable being naked even though there was a door between you and Sam. You dropped the towel and slid into some sweatpants that hung loosely from your frame. 

“You can come in Sam.” You called.

Sam cracked the door and slid inside. “What happened?” he asked, concern lining his voice.

You knew the display wasn’t normal for you. You would have told him to wait a second before letting him come in, but you honestly didn’t think about it. It was almost as if you were running on autopilot but the shock of him being embarrassed snapped you out of it.

You shook your head slightly and smiled at him, hoping to ease his concerns. “Nothing. What’s up?” 

Looking uncertain, he came farther into the room and sat down next to you. It took him a while to say anything. “I know that things have been hard for you. And I want you to know that you can tell me anything.” His eyes bore into yours with such sincerity that it made you almost start crying again. “I mean it. Anything. Even if it’s about my brother or something that you think I wouldn’t want to hear.” 

How did he know? Sometimes, you swore Sam had a way of knowing what was wrong with people before they told him. You thought for a second and decided to go with part of the truth and hope that would be enough. 

“I miss my mom.” You say in a tiny voice. “She died a few years back and I was so concerned about my brother and sister that I never got the time to focus on myself. And when they …,” you couldn’t say the words yet, so you went with the obvious, “I guess it just hit me that I’m alone.”

Sam started shaking his head. “Y/N, you’re not though. You have Dean and me. I’m not saying it’s perfect or what you would prefer, but you have something special here with us. Please, don't think you're in this alone.” 

Nodding, you took a deep breath. “Thank you.” you said softly. “Now, what did you come in here for?” You're knew he hadn't come into your room to comfort you and that there was a more pressing reason. There always was with the Winchesters. 

“I got a lead on a case.” He said. “I wanted to see if you wanted to tag along.”

This took you a back for a second. “What about Dean?” you asked. Normally Sam and Dean would be each other's first pick for a hunting partner. It wouldn't be the first time that they left you at the bunker to go chasing a case. Part of you didn't want to go if Dean was there but you knew you were being irrational, you had to talk to him about what happened eventually.

Sam's eyes didn't meet yours for a second and you could swear that he was trying to sift through the words in his brain. “He's busy.” He sighed reluctantly. 

You didn't know what to make of that. You knew that Dean had been a wee bit obsessive the past few days when he wasn't with you, but you thought that a case would snap him out of it if only for a few days. “What’s the case?”

“I'm thinking possession. It's not a lot to go on, but we've looked into cases for less.”

You took a second to think about it and then slowly said, “you know, I think I'm going to stay here. Keep an eye on Dean.” From the short amount of time that you've known the Winchesters, you knew that how Dean acted this morning wasn't normal. Despite your brain telling you you shouldn't, you were worried about him more than you were worried about a demon possessing some random person.

“Yeah, that's probably good. Just, uh, be careful and call me if you need anything.” If you didn't know any better, you could swear they was worry for you in Sam's eyes. He had to just be worried about his brother, you concluded.

 

~

After Sam left, you got dressed and headed out to the library where you knew you would find Dean. He was sitting in a chair and you noticed the bottle of scotch that was within his arms reach. He had been drinking, you realized with a sigh. 

Taking a deep breath, you walked into the room. There were books all around him and you knew he hadn’t gotten much rest recently. He was always either in here or with you with very little sleep in between. There was something in the set of his shoulders that told you he was focused. He hadn’t even heard you come in. 

“Hey.” You said softly, trying not to startle him. 

He barely acknowledged your presence. The only reason you knew he heard you was that his left hand twitched when you spoke. You sat down across from him and studied his face. He looked haggard, nothing like he did this morning. His hair had dried but he didn’t put any styling gel in it, making it hang limp and disorderly. There were bags under his eyes that you knew were from the sleepless nights, whether it was from being with you or from researching. It almost made you feel guilty. Almost.

“How’s research going?” You tried to get him to at least look at you.

“It’s going. Don’t have time to chat right now, Y/N.” He said in a clipped tone.

“You had time this morning.” You hedged.

At this he looked up and met your eyes. There was confusion in them and you swore you saw a hint of impatience. “What are you talking about?” He asked.

“In the shower. You had time for me this morning, then you just walked away.” You weren’t planning on having this conversation with him, but it needed to happen. There was no way you could ignore what happened that morning. If you did, it would happen again and then you knew it would tear you apart. 

“It was sex. We have sex. I didn’t hear you complaining about it either.” He said, moving his eyes back to his book.

It took you a second to realize what he said. When it dawned on you, you took a deep breath and tried another angle.

“So, Sam told me about the hunt. You didn’t wanna go?” It seemed like a reasonable question.

“What? Are you talking to my brother now?” Dean said, an edge to his voice.

You chuckled dryly. “Yeah. I do that on occasion.”

He didn't look up from his book and acted as though he hadn’t heard you. 

Standing up from your chair, you walked around the table. Putting your hand on his shoulder, you said his name in an attempt to make him look at you.

“What, Y/N? I’m kind of busy here!” he yelled at you, making you take a step back from him. 

“Why are you being like this?”

“Being like what? I’m trying to get things done here and you and Sam just want to whisper behind my back and go play hero. Sorry, I’m busy.”

You tried to keep your anger in check but it was becoming difficult. 

“First you come into the shower and made me feel like I was something that you just needed to use to make yourself feel better, and now you are ignoring me like I’m not worth looking at. Dammit, just talk to me for a second.” You pleaded.

“I don’t have a second! Every second I waste is a second that Abaddon is left breathing! I need to finish this!” He stood up and faced you, standing so close you could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Your anger boiled over and you said the words that you were thinking without considering the effect they would have. “Just because you have a hero complex doesn’t mean you have to be a dick! Take some responsibility for the fact that you are obsessing over killing Abaddon to the point that you can’t even see that made me feel like a cheap whore!”

Dean’s eyes darkened. “Well, maybe if you didn’t act like one…” 

Your hand collided with his face before he could say anything else. It took both of you by surprise and you could see him snap out of his anger. 

“Y/N…” He sighed. He started to reach for you but you pulled back making him stop. 

“Don’t you dare touch me.” You whispered. Without having a plan as to where you were going, you turned and walked up the stairs and out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Sorry for such a short chapter, I felt like this was a good stopping point. Plus, I wanted to get something out to you guys. Work has been insane but I’m going to try to get the new update up soon.


	12. Somebody That I Used To Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you have it lovelies. This one was hard to write. It took me a while to figure out where I wanted the story to go. I expect the next chapter to be out soon, sorry for the long time with no update.

The crunch of the gravel under your feet was all you could hear. You didn’t have a plan as to where you were walking, but you knew you couldn’t stay in the Bunker with Dean. You hadn’t meant to hit him. Honestly, your anger is normally in check but when Dean said what he did, you couldn’t control yourself. You knew he was under a lot of pressure and the mark was changing him. It should have mattered, but it didn’t. 

“Stupid son of a bitch.” You muttered.

You sighed heavily as you marched down the road toward the town. You knew where you were going, but you hadn’t taken into consideration how dark it was. The were no lights lining the back country road, and it was dark enough for you to stumble a couple of times. The air was cold around you, which wasn’t normal for this time of year. You reached in the pocket of your sweatpants for your phone but found them bare. 

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” You huffed, searching the other pocket just in case you didn’t feel it the first time.

Finding the pockets bare meant you didn’t have your wallet or money. You should have started walking back to the bunker but you were still fuming over the fight you had with Dean. You had been gone for at least an hour and the temperature was steadily dropping, making you wrap your arms around your body to keep all the warmth in that you could. 

There had been no sound around you since you left the bunker but the silence was shattered by the sound of a stick breaking to your right. You stopped, feeling yourself grow cold at the thought of being out here with no weapon. You were so stupid! It didn’t matter how mad you were at Dean, there was no reason for you to put yourself in this kind of danger. 

Not taking your eyes off of the woods, you started to back up heading toward the bunker. When nothing came out to attack you, you turned to start walking back to safety when you felt yourself run into a hard chest making you stumble.

“Hello, Y/N.” A cool deep voice greeted you.

You looked up expecting to see Dean or, hell, even Crowley. What met you were black eyes and a twisted grin. You tried to back away from the demon standing in front of you but he grabbed your arm, squeezing it until it made you cry out. There was definitely going to be a bruise there tomorrow. 

“"Exorcizamus te...” You started before the demon cut you off by grabbing your throat making you lose your breath. 

“Oh no, no, no. I can’t have that. We can’t have you messing up our reunion.” He whispered, being close enough that you could feel his breath hitting your face. 

Reunion? You had no idea who this creep was. But then again, it was possible that the demon was wearing a different meat suit the last time you met. You waited for it to continue as you tried to break his hold on your throat. Realizing you couldn’t say anything, he let go of you just a fraction, making you gasp in air that you had been deprived. 

“Who...are...you?” You gasped through your tight throat. 

He smirked at feigned hurt. “Really? Ouch, babydoll. Way to hurt your old man’s feelings.” 

You blinked at him for a moment letting the words sink in. “Fucking liar!” You screamed at him.

“I’m a liar? Okay, how about this. When you were young, I would sing the chorus to “I’ll Be There for You” when I would put you to bed. You wouldn’t go to sleep without it.” 

Your legs almost went out from under you at the mention of the lullaby you fell asleep to every night until your dad’s death. This couldn’t be happening, it wasn’t possible. It had to be a trick to  knock out off your game. Admittedly, it was working. You had not told anyone about that. The only people who knew were dead. 

“This isn’t possible. I...I saw my dad in Hell and he wasn’t a fucking demon!” You spat at him. 

He let your throat go completely, but didn’t relax his grip on your arm. There was no getting out of his hold, so you tried to fight him with your words. 

“Are you sure about that? I remember when that bitch had your body and came to me in it. You caught me in the middle of a very important questioning session and I had to make sure you thought I was human. I couldn’t have you messing up everything.”

“So why are you here now?” You asked, looking into the eyes of a stranger that was claiming to be your dad. The same man who fought to protect you when you were growing up was standing in front of you, grasping your arm hard enough for bruises to form.

“I heard what you did to Mary, and I gotta say, that was good. I figured maybe I was too quick to sell you out.” He answered. It was not what you were expecting.

“Sold me out? Sold me out to who?” You asked, fearing the answer.

The man in front of you smiled and it chilled you to the bone. “To Mary of course. She needed a strong meat suit and I suggested you. Well, after I suggested your mother first. That didn’t go so well.” He said indifferently.

The ground around you seemed to tilt at this unexpected news. You knew your mom’s death wasn’t natural but you never expected that your dad would be behind her demise. You felt the bile slowly start to rise in your throat and it took all you had to keep from throwing up.

“Adam. Lilly. You’re the reason they are dead.” You finally put the dots together and the realization made your knees give out as you tumbled to the ground. You didn’t care what happened anymore. It felt like all the life had been drained from you as you knelt in front of the man you knew was your father, twisted soul as he was. There were tears running down your face and you had a hard time caring about looking weak in front of this creature.

“I had no more use for them. It was the price I paid for the help that Mary and her clan extended to me.” He said remorselessly. “Now, I need you to tell me everything that happened since you were rescued by the Winchesters. They are becoming a problem to my new employer and we need details.” 

You surprised yourself when you started laughing hysterically. In between your fits of laughter, you were able to speak. “Oh...that’s rich. Well, keep needing because i’m not giving you shit.” 

“I was afraid you would say that.” He looked almost … mournful.

Before you could say anything else, the world around you shifted and you found yourself in a church. At least, you thought it was a church. There were shackles lining the walls and there was a table in the center of the room that had cuffs on it. You were drug there by two men you had not noticed before. You tried to fight them off but it was no use. You soon found yourself laying on the table, hands and feet bound. The more you tugged against them, the tighter they felt so you just stopped struggling.

“You know, this can be over quickly if you just tell me what you have been doing with the Winchesters.” Your dad crooned over you.

“Fuck you.” You said, not looking at him.

He chuckled. “Now, I know i’m a demon, but that is even out of my league. Trevor over there, on the other hand, might be inclined to indulge you, if I give him permission that is.”

You looked at the demon standing in the corner. He was staring at you with a smirk and his eyes raked over your body, making you shiver.

“If you tell me what I want to know, I will let you go. No harm, no foul.” Your dad told you. 

“Fuck… you.” You growled out. There was no way you were going to give up Sam and Dean. Dean may be acting like a dick right now, but that wasn’t his fault. You still cared deeply for the man and could take whatever this monster threw at you.

Your dad sighed and clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner. “Have it your way.” He said before picking up a blade on a nearby table. 

You watched him eye the blade like someone looking at something he cherished. It was sickening that this man was the same person who vowed to protect you. Except. It wasn’t the same man, you realized. Your dad was dead and this creature that took his place was nothing to you. His lips formed a small smile as he brought the blade down on your abdomen. At first you felt the coldness from the blade, but then you felt your stomach growing hot as he sliced into you. You bit your bottom lip to keep from screaming, not giving this asshole ammunition. 

“You bleed so beautifully.” He crooned. “So, let’s try this again. What have you been doing with Sam and Dean?” 

Letting go of your bottom lip, you spat in his face as a response. You knew that there would be pain coming and you braced yourself for it. His eyes flashed black and his fist came down against your face. He didn’t stop at just one blow. Pretty soon, you felt your face on fire from the various cuts lining your lip and cheeks. You were sure your nose was broken and you spat out blood from where a tooth had cut your inner lip. 

He hadn’t even broken a sweat with the pounding he gave you, which pissed you off. There was nothing he could do to you that would make you turn on Sam and Dean. So you just laid there through the questions and the beatings. 

“Where are they? What have you been doing with them? What has Dean Winchester been doing?” He asked you again, for the millionth time. 

Smirking the best you could through your broken face, you said “he’s been fucking your daughter.” 

The demon’s face faltered just a millimeter. He sent his arm down toward your leg and you heard a sickening snap and heard a voice screaming. It took you a second to register that it was you and that the pain had settled in, making you writhe in agony. You were on the verge of passing out when a bucket of cold water was thrown on you, waking you up instantly.

“Can’t have the whore falling asleep. We have more questions for you.” He said icily. 

“Well...good for you. I’m not... saying anything.” You told him again, your voice shivering. Your body was in agony, you could feel the broken bones in your leg, face and a few ribs. Everything was swollen or cut and you had no hope of getting out of there.

There was no way that you were going to get help. Sam didn’t even know you were gone and Dean thought you left him. No one knew where you were and no one was looking for you. Dejected, you let your body relax and you turned away from the man you used to know.

Your dad looked at you for a moment before turning to a demon that was standing guard in the corner. “Take her to the cells and send a message to Metatron. Tell him, we couldn’t break her.” 


	13. Captured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> As always it was wonderful writing this chapter. Let me know if you have any suggestions or questions or something you would like to see.

The metal creaked as it was opened by the demon that was caring you. There was no way that you were going to be able to make it on your own, so begrudgingly, he had to support most of your weight because of your broken leg. When you were inside the tiny cell he dropped you hard on the ground and you bit your lip to keep from groaning.

“This would be a good time for me to tell you that you should just go ahead and tell him what he wants to know. There is something much worse in store for you if you don’t.” He told you. 

It sounded like he was trying to intimidate you but you just lay in a heap on the ground and ignored him. Nothing they did would be worse than what you did to yourself or worth turning on Dean and Sam. 

You jumped when you heard the door slam and the lock turn. There was nothing to do now but wait for whatever was going to happen. You waited for a long time until a thought popped into your head.

You remembered that Dean told you about Castiel and that when he prayed for help, the angel came. Well, most of the time anyway. You didn’t know if it would work but you figured you had nothing to lose.

“Um… Castiel? I know you don’t know me, but my name is Y/N. I’m a friend of Dean Winchester and I need your help. Please.” You whispered in the darkness.

You weren’t sure how he would contact you, so you waited. After a while you started to count the seconds, just to give you something to do. When you reached the 10 minute mark, you stopped. Of course he didn’t come. He didn’t know you and he had nothing to tell him that this random person calling him was a person that actually needed help or was not working as a spy. 

Sighing, you prayed again. “Castiel? Can you just make sure Dean knows that I love him? Please.”

 

~

 

Winchester POV

 

Y/N had been gone for two days before Dean became worried. He thought she was clearing he head because truth be told he blew it. He said things that he didn’t mean and when he calmed down enough to think about it, he realized it was the mark twisting his fears into words.

Sam was back from the hunt where Abaddon’s forces were mining souls. Sam looked around a bit before agreeing they needed to find Abaddon, which made Dean feel slightly superior because he said as much two days before. It wasn’t until Sam asked where you were that Dean realized how long it had actually been.

He told Sam that you had fought and that you left but you would be back because you didn’t even bring your wallet or a knife, which you would never leave without long term.

Dean tried to call your phone but it went straight to voicemail. “Come on, baby where are you?” He muttered when his call went to voicemail for a fourth time in a row.

“Dean, I’m worried about her.” Sam admitted.

“Me too. Any of your contacts seen her or anything on Abaddon?” Dean asked.

“Looks like Abaddon vanished but there were a few more sightings of demon-related cases.”

“Yeah well that don’t help us. What about Y/N?” Dean asked pensively.

“Still nothing. It’s like she dropped off the face of the Earth.”

Dean hung his head and ran his hand down his face. He knew he was to blame for you leaving. He could try to rationalize it all he wanted but there was nothing that could make up for how he treated you. All he wanted to do was wrap you in his arms. He was imagining you walking through the door and punching him for being a dick and then running into his arms when he felt an ache of pain in his right arm. 

He grasped at his arm to dull the pain. This mark was the reason you left, the mark and what it was doing to him. There  were times the mark tried to get a hold on him but you snapped him out of it and he thought the mark knew you were gone. 

“You okay?” Sam asked, noticing the way Dean was holding his arm. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s get to work and find Y/N.”

“Alright” Sam said, knowing they needed to find you but also knowing that there was something Dean wasn’t telling him.

 

~

 

It had been days. Wait, had it been more than a week? You didn’t know. There was no sunlight and there was no way to tell how much time had passed. They brought you food to make sure you stayed alive but it was meager amounts. A piece of bread or a bowl of broth. Eventually you were brought back to the room that you spoke to your dad … no, where you spoke to Ian. He wasn’t your dad anymore. He was Ian. Again you were strapped down and asked questions. This happened two more times before you realized they were getting desperate.

What you thought was going to be a routine torture session turned out to be much worse. When you came into the room, there was a man standing by the table that you had never seen before. He was tall with dark brown hair. He looked serious but there was also a hint of regret in his eyes when he took in your form. You tucked that knowledge away for later as you were pushed into the chair that replaced the bed in the middle of the room. 

“So, you’re my questioner today?” You asked with a sneer. “Sorry to say buddy, but you don’t look like your up to the challenge.” 

You had not realized how out of breath you were until you were trying hard to keep your voice steady. You were fighting hard to keep your head up. At least when you were on the table, it was easier to keep looking fierce when you didn’t have to spend the extra energy keeping your head from sagging.

“I know what you have endured. I am sorry but believe me when I say it was necessary.” The person told you. His voice was kind of deep and he talked very proper. It wasn’t like the crass vocabulary that you had associated with demons.

“Well good for you. I think it will be necessary for me to kick your ass, so I guess we’re even” you say looking him straight in the eye.

He chuckled. “I can see why Dean Winchester loves you. You have his fighting spirit. I am sorry it will not be enough for you to save him or yourself. You have done well keeping your silence, but that ends now.”

He stepped up to you and put two fingers against your forehead and you tried to flinch away. When his skin made contact with yours, pain erupted from your forehead and travels down to your toes. Your body was in agony and you heard yourself screaming and you realized your body was tense as though an electric current was passing through it. 

Images started flashing through your mind. Your entire past whizzed through your brain and you felt an unwelcome presence through each of the memories. It was the man that you were just talking to. He was shifting through your memories you realized in horror. He was going to see all the things that you had been through and all the moments between you and the Winchester’s. There was nothing you could do to stop it and you were infuriated. 

“Stop!” You screamed at the man. You couldn’t live through the memories again. 

When you saw the face of your sister stricken with fear, you felt the gasp of the man. He didn’t realize the sheer horror you went through as the puppet of the demons. All of it flashed by. The murders you committed, the pain and torture, the stolen moments with Dean, the Mark, the fight. 

Eventually, you just stopped fighting his intrusion. When he had searched through your memories and knew everything, he stepped away. It felt like an hour but it had only been a few seconds. 

You looked up into his face, breathing hard. He looked like he was in pain. Good. Maybe the connection took a lot out of him and that is something you were okay with. Dick.

“I am sorry for the pain you have gone through. If it makes you feel better, your siblings are in heaven.” He told you with a soft voice that sounded so sincere. 

You didn’t know what to say to that, so you just looked at him. “Why didn’t you guys just do this in the first place?” You stupidly asked him. 

He hesitated for a few seconds before deciding it would not hurt to tell you. “It depletes my grace significantly. I did not want to chance being hurt for something that could have been done with your cooperation.”

“You knew that wasn’t going to happen. So now you know everything, what happens now?” You ask, waiting for the death you knew was coming.

“You will be kept here. We may have use for you.” He turned away and started for the door. “I will make sure you have proper accommodations until I return.”

This took you by surprise.

“Wait! What’s your name?” You asked, wanting to know the name of the man who shows an ounce of kindness.

“Gadreel.” He said before leaving you alone.

 

~

 

Winchester POV

 

Gadreel was tied to a chair and Dean tried to get information out of him. It came to their attention that Gadreel had been working with Metatron so their search for you came to a halt.

“Word around the campfire is, you let the snake into the garden, ruined it for all humanity.” Dean accused, wiping the blood from his blade.

“I set them free. I loved humanity!”   
“Well, you sure got got a funny way of showing it, asshat. Now, look, you tell me about this "getting back into heaven" crap and I'll end this quick. Otherwise, you can sit here and rot in those chains forever. Up to you.”   
“All your talk, all your bluster... you think you are invincible. The three of you against the world, right? Oh, I’m sorry, two.” Gadreel smirked   
“Damn straight. The THREE of us against the world.” Dean made sure to emphasize the three, because you would be back. You had to be.

“You really think Sam would do anything for you?”   
“Oh, I know he would.” Dean replied confidently.   
“I have been in your brother's body, Dean. He would not trade his life for yours.”   
“Well, thanks for the rerun, pal. Sam's already told me all that crap. Hell, he's told me worse.” Dean tried to keep up his brave face but Gadreel was getting to him.   
”Y/N would not give her life for yours either.” Gadreel glared.   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean hedged.

“Yes. Well I have also been inside your mate’s head. You hurt her beyond words Dean, and she thinks you are just a scared little boy who's afraid to be on his own because daddy never loved him enough. She thinks you just want to use her for carnal relations. And she is right, isn't she? Right to think you are a coward, a sad, clingy, needy, abusive…”

Dean cut off his words by a punch to the jaw, making blood splatter from Gadreel’s mouth.

“What do you mean you were in her head?!” Dean yelled at him.

“How do you think I found where you were? Where do you think she has been this entire time?”

Dean’s mouth went dry. He knew you had not just taken off. You were taken somewhere and were probably hurt.

“Where is she?” Dean growled.

“Safe. For now. I am the only thing keeping her from being torn to shreds.”

“Tell me where she is.” Dean growled.

“Why? So you may abuse her more? Bend her over on a table this time to defile her? I saw it, Dean. Her real feelings about you and what you did to her in the shower.”

Dean’s fist flew into Gadreel’s jaw again.

“Keep it up!”   
“You are a pathetic bottom-feeder who cannot even take care of himself, who would rather drag everyone through the mud than be alone, who would let everyone around him die! Who would let his mate get captured and not look for her for days!”

Dean heard enough and gripped the blade in his hand tighter. He almost stabbed Gadreel when he mentioned you but he stopped at the last second, realizing Gadreel’s play. Without him he had no leads to you.

“No. Do it. Do it! Kill me!”   
“Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? That's what that whole speech was about? You're not afraid to die, are you? You're afraid to be left in these chains forever. Well, you can sit here and rot, you son of bitch.”

 

~

 

The worst thing about the cell was the constant dripping from somewhere behind you. It was driving you crazy, the constant tap, tap, tap. You hadn’t slept in who knows how long and you could feel your stomach eating away at itself from lack of food. You had to get out of there or you would go insane.

After Gadreel left, you were thrown into the cell without a word. It had been a long time since anyone had come to your cell and it wouldn’t surprise you if they left you to starve to death. If only it wasn’t for what Gadreel said. What had Gadreel meant when he said they had use for you? What could you possibly do for them?

You were just about asleep when the cell door creaked open. You couldn’t see the figure but you knew it was someone who had power. It radiates off the man. You heard shuffling and then you felt a hand on your face, which you jerked away from.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty one? I can see why Dean Winchester likes you.” A nasally voice sneered.

“Fuck you.” You spat.

“Oh. Fire. I like that. Too bad it’s being wasted on someone like Dean. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, but now you are going to be leaving.” the man said.

“What, get tired of me already?”

“Oh, you misunderstand me. I have use for you. Dean has something I want and you are a bargaining chip for me. Also, who doesn’t like a good damsel in distress story?”

“Just wait until I get my strength back and I will show you a damsel in distress.” You growl.

The man just chuckled. “Ah, that’s good. Now this won’t hurt too much. When you see Dean, tell him it was all his fault. Make sure he knows.”

You felt fingers on your forehead and you went into a panic trying to twist away from the hands. 

You felt yourself settle on a hard surface and you couldn’t move your hands. They were tied together around a pole. You tried to stand up but your broken leg brought you tumbling down to the ground. There was a blindfold over your eyes so you couldn’t see anything and there was a burning on your stomach that wasn’t there before. You tried to hear something, anything, to tell you where you were but there was nothing.

You grasped the bar and attempted to shift into a more comfortable position but every movement sent pain radiating through your body so you just stopped. With your arms above your head, there was no use in trying to get out of the bindings. At least you were sitting down. Once your arms went numb, you laid your head against the hard surface and for the first time in days, you slept. 


	14. Share the Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!  
> Thank you guys so much for all the kudos and comments! It really makes my day! I genuinely love all you guys and please enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Sorry it took so long I had a lot of stuff I was doing and I wanted to get this one right, so it took a bit longer than I wanted. 
> 
> Please let me know if there are any suggestions that you have or if you notice any grammar mistakes or just anything in general that can make this fic better! 
> 
> Shout out to my amazing Beta, grumpyprincess07. She makes me fics readable and she lets me bounce ideas off of her. She also write and has an amazing story going right now that y’all should check out.

You awoke to the sound of footsteps. They were heavy and quick so whoever they belonged to was pissed and that scared you. You put up quite a show about being tough when you needed to, but it was just that, a show. The last few… however long it was, left you a shaking mess. You didn’t have any show left in you. You were terrified of the pain about to come and it would come, because you knew it wouldn’t end. You didn’t want to feel your skin being torn apart or your head invaded again. There was nothing to tell them, so they might as well kill you. If they did, at least it would be over.

Hearing the footsteps come near, you decided that today was the day. “Round three asshole? I don’t think so. Just kill me you bastard because I’m not telling you shit.” When you tried to open your eyes or hell, lift your head for that matter, you felt how heavy they were and just stopped because in the end it didn’t matter who was coming up to you. You were going to hurt and it took too much energy to try fighting. Whatever they did would just mix in with the pain radiating throughout your limbs and the intense burning on your stomach. 

The person didn’t say anything so you whispered, “please. Just kill me.” As tears started streaming down your cheeks you felt rage bubble up in you at their lack of response. “Just fucking kill me!” You screamed.

Hands grabbed your face gently and you jerked your head away, whimpering. You jerked too much because you felt the back of your head collide with the wall that you were propped up against. The action making the person in front of you curse. Slowly, their words started making sense to you.

“...sorry baby. What the fuck did they do to you?”

Dean.

You felt him take the blindfold off as gently as he could. You fought against the heaviness of your eyes and opened them. Dean was kneeling in front of you, face full of anguish, fear, and rage. He was checking over your body, making note of all the injuries that were visible, knowing there were far worse wounds he would soon discover. 

“Dean?” You whispered. This had to be a trick. Right?

“Don’t worry sweetheart, I’m gonna getcha out of here.” He told you, reaching up to untie your hands.

They were numb to the point that you couldn’t feel his fingers brushing your skin. You knew your hands were free when they fell to your side and the blood started painfully pumping through them. Without the bonds holding you up, you slumped to the side. Before you could hit the concrete, you felt Dean catch you. 

“I ain’t gonna lie, this is gonna hurt like a bitch.” He told you, hooking his arm around your waist and under your knees.

Before you could ask what he meant, you felt yourself rising into the air and at the same time, excruciating pain tore through your abdomen. You felt a wet sensation pooling on your belly but before you could think about that too much you felt the pain of the several cuts you had where his arms were holding you. You cried out, unable to keep the pain in.

“I know sweetheart. We don’t have far to go.” Dean reassured you.

You hadn’t noticed where you were before, but you heard a heavy door opening and you recognized it as the metal door of the bunker. Did that bastard actually put you outside the bunker? What an asshole.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper. If you hadn’t gotten into that fight, you would never have gotten into this situation.

“Shh, baby. Don’t you dare apologize for anything. Hold on.” Dean answered you. 

Your face was tucked securely between his neck and shoulder so you couldn’t see his face. You wanted to see his eyes. You needed to see the green in them that made you feel safe and told you that this was really him. 

“Sammy!” Dean yelled when you got into the main part of the bunker and he was guiding you down the stairs.

Sam came running from the library and you wondered what the scene looked like, you knew you were covered in blood and had to look terribly weak.

“Holy shit. I’ll go get a bed ready in the med room.” 

You felt Dean’s erratic heartbeat under your fingertips, which started to have some feeling. He was scared.

“Dean?” You whispered.

“Don’t talk, okay? I’m gonna take care of you. You’re gonna be okay.”

He laid you on the bed in the middle of the medical room and took your face in his hands. “Sweetheart, I need you to open your eyes, don’t go to sleep.”

You groaned and tried to open your eyes, they were too heavy and no sooner you got them open, they started to drift closed again. You felt Sam, at least you thought it was Sam, putting pressure on your left arm. You knew he was trying to clean up the blood so they could see what they were working with.

“Dean, maybe we should let her sleep while we work on fixing her up. Some of these injuries are pretty bad. I think her leg is broken and we are gonna have to reset it.” Sam told his brother in a calm voice. 

“Dammit Sam, she hit her head on the wall outside. I think she has a concussion. Baby, I need you to open your eyes. Stay with me. Please.”

You were able to open them for a couple of seconds before they drifted closed again.

You felt Sam try to test where the break in your leg was and it sent pain spiraling through you, making your eyes snap open and a cry fall from your lips. You felt yourself jerking away from his touch, almost falling off the bed. You grabbed at the closest thing you could, which ended up being Dean’s arm. You felt your nails dig into his arm, making him grit his teeth.

“Be careful!” Dean snapped at Sam.

“Sorry. At least she’s awake.” Sam offered, though you could tell he didn’t like the fact that pain was the reason you stayed awake.

As the pain ebbed away to a dull ache, you were able to concentrate a little better. You realized Dean was looking at your abdomen. The clothes you had on were dirty, and you knew you smelled terrible. You could also feel the coolness on your skin, which told you your clothes were not intact. Dean cut off the rest of your shirt, and you didn’t have time to be embarrassed by your semi naked state because his next words scared you.

“What the fuck?” He sounded taken aback and angry.

“What does that say?” Sam asked, his tone full of revulsion.

“I don’t...is that enochian?” 

“Metatron.” You whispered.

“What?” Dean asked you trying to keep calm.

“It was Metatron. He...he employed my...a demon to take me to try to get information. When it didn’t work, he sent some angel to get it. He…” You choked back a sob. “He came to me, after. He said I still had use to him and that I needed to give you a message.”

“What was the message?” Sam whispered.

You looked at Dean. “He said that it was your fault. I don’t know what he was talking about. I don’t…”

Dean blew a harsh breath out of his nose and closed his eyes. His arm was shaking and you knew you should have kept your mouth shut. Shit. You weren’t going to tell him but it all just started coming out of you and you couldn’t stop. You were crying and you could feel a sob wrack through your body, making your ribs hurt.

“Dean. We gotta call Cas. This is too much for us.” Sam told his brother. “Besides we need him to read the message.”

“Cas! We need you. Now!” Dean didn’t even hesitate.

There as a flutter that sounded like wings and then you heard a deep voice. “Dean. What’s wrong?”

You knew about Castiel. Dean told you. But you thought something must have happened to him because he didn’t answer your prayers. He was fine. He just didn’t answer you, you realized.

Dean explained the situation and Castiel came up to you. “Y/N. My name is Castiel.”

You just stared at him. “I prayed to you.” You whispered accusingly.

“I know. I heard you.” He looked like he felt guilty about it.

“What? She prayed to you and you didn’t answer her?” Dean sounded pissed.

“I did not know if it was a trap. It is of no consequence anyway. I was soon captured by Metatron.” He told Dean, as if it explained everything. 

“I don’t care if it was a trap! You could have told us where she was! Do you know what they did to her?!” Dean fumed.

“Do you?” The angel challenged. “I did not tell you because you would have gotten hurt.”

“Dammit Cas. I don’t care! Who cares if I get hurt? You should have known better man! When she calls for you, you need to answer her! Especially if some freak has her tied to a fucking table using her as a cutting board!”

You flinched as he started to yell.

“So get your head outta your ass and read the damn message!” Dean finished his rant.

“I am sorry Dean. I did what I thought was best.”

“Yeah, you always do, don’t ya? Well you need to start figuring her into your plans.”

Castiel looked like he was going to say something but thought better of it. Instead he came over to you and avoided your eyes. Maybe it was the guilt, maybe he was embarrassed for not answering your prayers. He looked at the message and then his eyes met yours. There was pity in them.

“I am sorry.” He told you. He lifted two fingers to your forehead and you felt warmth spread through. 

“What the hell?” You asked as you looked down at yourself. All your cuts were healed and you didn’t feel any pain. You even felt rested, which was different; you didn’t remember the last time you had a good night’s rest.

“Th-thank you.” You told Castiel.

He nodded at you and turned to Sam and Dean.

“Cas, what about the message?” Sam asked.

Castiel hesitated and avoided Dean’s gaze. “It says, ‘Stand down, or next time we won’t be so nice.’”

Dean’s eyes snapped to yours and you felt the blood run out of your face. Your breathing became staggered, and you were having a hard time seeing because of the tears you couldn’t hold back. “What? Wh-what does that mean?”

Dean was by your side almost instantly. “It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m around nothing bad is gonna happen to you.” He reached up and wiped a tear away from your face.

“We aren’t going to let anything happen.” Sam agreed.

You looked over at him to see he was grinding his teeth together in irritation.

“Cas, go see what you can find out. Sam, hit the books. We need something to ward Y/N.” Dean instructed.

“Here. This will help.” Castiel said coming close to you. He put his hand on your chest and you felt like your chest was on fire. 

“What the fuck was that?!” You growled at him. 

“I gave you markings that will hide you from angels. I don’t know if it will work against Metatron but it is better than nothing.” He nodded to you and Dean before disappearing. “Well that’s just creepy.” You muttered.

“You get used to it after a while.” Sam said. “Get some rest, you need it.”

Sam retreated back to the library, supposedly to find something they could use.

You were suddenly aware that you and Dean were alone. Was he going to yell at you? Was he angry that you left? Did he mean all the things that he said to you before? You couldn’t ask him these things. Somehow after what you went through, you knew you loved him even if the answers to the questions were not what you hoped.

“Come on baby, let's get you to your room.” He said before helping you stand.

You expected pain, but there was none. Damn, it was good to have Castiel around. You would have to remember that for later, that is, if he decides to answer you next time. 

You got to your room and opened the door. Everything looked the same as you had left it. Your green shirt was thrown hastily on the bed where you discarded it. Your wallet was on the nightstand next to your keys. A picture of you and your family was in a frame next to your bed. It was the only thing left of them you had. You looked at the smiling man that had his arms around you and tried not to think about those same hands cutting into your flesh.

“Can I get you anything?” Dean asked. You looked to see he was shifting from one foot to the other, looking uncomfortable.

“Can you just...stay with me for a while? I don’t wanna be alone.” You told him. You were alone for so long that it almost hurt you to think about being in your own again.

“Are you sure that’s the best thing? Maybe we should take it slow.” He started to walk away but before he left you stopped him. 

You put your hand on his arm, and he didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry about the things I said. Please. I can’t be alone right now. Please.”

He sighed deeply and shut the door. You guided him to the bed and laid down with him. He pulled you as close to him as he could and wrapped you securely in his arms. You were enjoying the feel of safety, wrapped in his arms as he started to speak.

“We need to talk about what happened the night you left.” He said in a quiet tone. 

“Dean, we both said things we didn’t mean. Can we just forget it?”

“No. I was an asshole. I can blame the mark all I want, but in the end I said those things to you. I don’t want you to ever think that I’m using you because I’m not. It’s never been like that with you. And I know you and Sam aren’t like that. Don’t let my stupid ass ruin what we have. Please.”

He sounded so broken. You knew the apology was genuine and you knew how much it hurt him to admit that he was wrong. There was something deep in you that knew what happened was not normal, but then again, you were just tortured by angels and demons only to get healed in a microsecond. Your life was far from normal, so it made sense that the man you loved was not normal either.

“I’m gonna make this right, Y/N. I promise.”

“I love you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Well, I do. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Are you tired?” He asked suddenly.

“No, but I just want to lay here with you for a while.”

You let the silence stretch between you while you listened to his heartbeat. You thought about the message that Metatron left. “We” it said “we”. Did he mean him and your dad? Did he mean that he was going to kill you? What would be worse than that?  _ A lot _ , your mind whispered to you.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think Metatron meant by ‘we won’t be so nice’?”

You felt him stiffen under you slightly. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s gonna happen to you.”

“How do you know? They got me once. Dean, you don’t know what they did. I-it wasn’t just Metatron…”

He was silent for a while, waiting on you to continue. When you didn’t, he asked you what you meant.

“Remember when I told you about seeing my dad in Hell?”

“Yeah.”

“He...well, he…”

“He what?”

You took a deep breath before answering. “He was the one who took me.”

Dean’s arms tightened around you. “You said a demon took you. Wait, does that mean…?”

You nodded against his chest. 

“What the hell is a demon doing working with an angel?” Dean wondered. 

“I don’t know. He wasn’t the man I remember. He was cruel and he was the one who hurt me the most. To be honest he scares the hell out of me.” Your voice faded out.

Dean was rubbing his hand up and down your arm in comforting motions. 

“What did they want?”

You didn’t want to tell him everything but you knew you had to. “Information, mostly. What we had been doing. They wanted anything that could stop you guys. They wanted to know what you were planning on doing to Abaddon.”

“What did you tell them?”

You were silent.

“Y/N? Did you tell them anything?”

“I didn’t mean to. There was this man who came, I think his name was Gadreel, and he read my mind, and they got everything. I tried to fight him but I could hardly move and he just took… he took it all. And then this other guy came and said I was just a bargaining chip and that you had something he needed. And he said to tell you that it was your fault. After that, I landed where you found me. I don’t know who he was, but he had power. I know he grossed me out when he touched me. I know I have never felt so much pain in my life and everything is broken and my dad is the reason my mom and brother and sister are dead and…”

You stopped being able to speak. You were sobbing into Dean’s chest and you felt his body coil around yours, pressing you into his chest. You clung to his shirt like your life depended on it. It was the only thing keeping you grounded. Dean didn’t say anything, he just let you cry and shake in his arms until you quieted down.

“I’m gonna kill all of them. I promise.” He growled in your ear.

You knew he wasn’t lying. There was something almost animalistic in the way he said it. You looked up to meet his eyes. He was staring at you with a hard face that had a flash of love tucked behind his eyes. It made you want to cling to him because you knew there was a hard road ahead. But you were Y/N Y/L/N and you were in love with Dean Winchester and together, you could get through anything.


	15. Adventures in Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> I was able to get another chapter done. I am on break from work so I MIGHT be able to squeeze another one out soon. Remember, comments are my life's blood. Thank you for all who are keeping up with this story and those who are enjoying it. I have a LOT of good things coming.

The next few days saw you healing from your days of capture. You found out that you had been missing for over a week and that knowledge hit you harder than you thought it would. Because Castiel had healed your physical wounds, you could go around and do what you wanted, unlike the many times before that called for weeks of recovery time. You sent up a silent prayer of thanks to him when you were able to get out of bed the next morning to use the bathroom on your own. 

 

The thing that you had not anticipated was the mental healing that needed to happen. Your first brush with the reality that you were not okay was the first night after you had been returned. You slept in Dean’s arms after making him promise not to leave you alone. You saw the reluctance in his eyes, and you knew it was because he wanted to get the drop on Abaddon, but you couldn’t stand to be alone. 

 

Your night was filled with dreams woven in blood. The following morning you woke up in a panic, but Dean was there to soothe you. You thought it was only going to take a couple of days for you to get back on track but you soon realized that you were overestimating your ability to bounce back. Knowing it was going to be a hard road, Dean made sure he was there every morning, even though you were certain his patience was going to run out and he would go back to obsessing over Abaddon. But every night you fell asleep in his arms without fail. 

 

You and Dean used the days to do research and for you to get comfortable enough to leave the bunker. Sam would drill you about what each of your torturers looked like as you sat around the tables in the library. He would have his laptop, putting everything in a document so the information could be stored in the Men of Letters Archives. It made you feel like a science experiment, if you were honest. It just reminded you that you were a victim and that you betrayed the brothers, even if you didn’t have a choice in the matter. 

 

As Sam was gathering even more details from you, which seemed like the thousandth time, you were in the chair opposite him. You had your knees up against your chest with your arms firmly around your legs. The soft cotton brushed against your skin as you fidgeted with the fabric in an effort to keep calm. You wanted Dean there to hold your hand if you had to go through this again, but it had been clear the first time Sam tried to get information out of you that Dean could not handle it. His fists would tighten and his eyes would go dark and he began to snarl. It made you feel protected, but it also scared you. When you tried to get him to snap out of it, he knocked your hand away. When he realized what he did, he stood, grabbing a pile of books to take back to his room to find more information on Abaddon. 

 

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice shattered your thoughts. 

 

“Yeah? Oh, uh. Right. So the guy who talked to me last had salt and pepper curly hair and blue eyes. He was short and his voice sounded kind of like when you have the flu and your nose is all stuffed up. Kind of scratchy and nasally. His teeth were yellow and crooked and he smelled like pancakes.” You described. Thinking back, you had no idea why that last detail stood out to you.

 

Sam’s hands stopped typing and he glanced at you, his eyes squinting slightly. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yep. I mean, he had my undivided attention and it’s gonna be awhile before I can forget the things that happened to me there.” You said, not meeting his eyes. Instead you focused on the unicorn that was on your pant leg. You had been in these pajamas for the past couple of days and they probably needed to be washed, but you didn’t care. You loved the Chibi style unicorn with the knife taped to it’s horn. It made you smile every time you thought about it.

 

“Y/N, I think I know who that was.” Sam said carefully.

 

“Yeah? Who was it? Castiel’s long lost cousin?” You joked.

 

“Uh, actually, maybe. I don’t know how that works. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. That man was Metatron. The one who hired the demon to kidnap you.” Sam said, his eyes lighting up. “I gotta tell Cas that he was there.” 

 

“Hey, Sam, it’s getting late. I think i’m gonna crash.” You said, standing up, your knee popping as you did. 

 

“Okay, we can finish this tomorrow. Get some rest.” Sam called after you, putting his phone up to his ear. 

 

You trudged down the hallway toward Dean’s bedroom, hoping to find him in a good mood. Getting to his door, you stopped in the doorway. He was sitting on the floor surrounded by books of all shapes and sizes. You thought you even saw one that looked like it was made of leather or some kind of skin. From what you could tell, he didn’t know you were there because he didn’t react when you leaned against the doorframe. His red flannel was wrinkled and had various unknown stains on it. His hair hung down over his forehead and there were dark circles under his eyes. He took a deep breath and huffed when he read something you assumed he didn’t like and moved on to another book. 

 

“Hey.” You whispered, trying not to startle him.

 

He didn’t look up. “Hey, Sweetheart.”

 

“What are you doing? Looking for Abaddon?” You asked carefully.

 

“Yeah. I’ve been through these books a thousand times but I can’t find anything.”

 

“Maybe you should take a break. I’m getting kind of tired, you wanna go to bed?” You asked in a measured tone. 

 

He stopped reading and looked up at you. His eyes were not unkind, but they held a hint of annoyance. “Yeah, why don’t you go ahead. I need to do some research. You have to get used to sleeping on your own and I just can’t afford to drop the ball on this one. I need to find her.” After a second, he seemed to make a decision. “Why don’t you sleep in your room tonight? I’m right down the hall and I will check on you. I just don’t see myself sleeping tonight and I feel like I will be wasting my time if I just lay there.” 

 

You knew this was going to happen. You knew there was eventually going to come a day when you needed to sleep on your own, but you didn’t think it would be so soon. You didn’t want Dean to feel like a babysitter and you didn’t want to come across as weak, so you agreed. You walked over to Dean and pulled his face up so you could bend down  and kiss him. His lips were soft against yours and you wanted to stay there with him forever, but too soon, he pulled away. You left the room without glancing back.

 

It had been a long time since you had been alone in your room. The sheets seemed foreign and the temperature was too cold without Dean laying next to you. You curled into a ball and tried to fight off the the images of Metatron or your father, no, Ian, busting through the door looking for you again. You wondered if you could ever stop thinking about Ian as your father. He wasn’t the same man, that was for sure, but it was hard to see him in any other way. Your mind reeled thinking about how he turned into a demon and how he couldn’t be the same man. Every time you closed your eyes, you were back on the table writhing in agony under his hands.

 

You thought about Dean and how he wasn’t there with you. Had you made him mad? Did he finally realize that you overstepped your bounds when you hit him? You hadn’t talked about your fight yet, not really. Maybe he was waiting on you to bring it up and he finally got tired of it but didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Your anxiety was on high alert now. What if he didn’t want to be with you anymore because you couldn’t control your temper?  With these thoughts circling, it took a while of tossing and turning, but eventually you were tired enough to pass out, worry gnawing into your subconscious as you slept.

 

~

 

You woke up pressed into the side of someone. Their arms were around you and your face was pressed into their chest, so you couldn’t see their face. Your skin recoiled and you brought your hands up to push against the person’s chest. Your heart rate skyrocketed as your breaths came in shallow pants. Your chest felt constricted and as you pushed against the sheer mass that was enclosed around your body. You realized quickly that you were not going to move them. As you started whimpering, the arms around you tightened and you heard the faint deep voice calling your name. 

 

It was almost as if you were coming out of deep water and your senses came back to you slowly. His voice became clear and you heard Dean’s gentle words trying to calm you down.

“Shh, Sweetheart. You’re safe. They don’t have you anymore and you’re with me. It’s okay.”

You slowly stopped struggling as his words sunk in. Your body was still reacting to the jolt of your morning, but your mind was slowly calming down. 

 

“Dean?” You asked, shifting to look up at him. “What are you doing here?” 

 

He looked down at you with searching eyes. “I came in the middle of the night. I told you I would check on you.”

 

“I just thought …”

 

“What? That I was bloodthirsty enough to leave my girlfriend alone all night to track down a psychopath when she just went through hell?” His voice sounded almost defensive. 

 

“That’s not what I meant. I just… I thought after what happened that you wouldn’t want to be around me anymore. When you told me that you weren’t going to stay with me last night, I thought you finally had enough of me, especially after I hit you.” This was the first time you voiced your concerns about the night you left. There had been such a tentative peace that you didn’t want to disturb it, but it needed to be said eventually.

 

At that, he realized what you meant and his eyebrows pulled together slightly. His jaw clenched and he took a steadying breath. “I’m not going to sit here and try to justify what I did to you. I know I screwed up. And to be honest, I deserved worse than what you gave me for it. I shouldn’t have said those things to you and as soon as I realized you were missing, it kind of jolted me out of … whatever it is that the Mark is doing to me. I’m so sorry baby.” His hand reached up and cupped your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. 

 

You closed your eyes and relished the feel of his skin on yours. “I’m sorry I hit you.” You whispered, opening your eyes to peer at him.

 

He was shaking his head. “It didn’t hurt me. I’m just sorry I didn’t go after you. It was my fault, Y/N and nothing I do is gonna make up for what happened and what I said to you.”

 

Looking into his eyes, you could see the anguish. “I had a lot of time to think while I was … away.” You whispered.  “I knew what I was getting into, and I know what it’s like to have something inside you that makes you do things that you don’t wanna do. It’s scary as hell and it’s worse if you don’t have anyone who cares about you. But Dean, I do. I love you and no matter what happens, I’m not gonna leave you. I just… I need to know that you are going to try. Try to get better.” 

 

He hesitated, trying to find the words. “I need to kill Abaddon. After that, we will work on getting me better. This is just what I have to do to get the job done and I can’t risk her getting away. Too many people will die. Besides, I haven’t changed that much. I’m just a little more on edge and anyway, you help me stay grounded.” He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. 

 

There was a knock at the door, making you jump. “Hey guys! Jody called. She needs some help. You game?”

 

“What do you say, Half Pint? Ready to meet Jody and kick some ass?” Dean asked, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

 

“I don’t know, do you think I should …?”

 

“You gotta get back out there sometime baby. Might as well be now. And, you know, Jody is a real good friend and I would love for her to meet you.” He paused, his eyes expectant. When you didn’t say anything, his face turned gentle. “Come on, I’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure nothing happens.” 

 

“Promise?” You couldn’t help asking.

 

He smirked at you, leaning down to capture your lips with his and safety washed over your body.


	16. Vampires Suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> Here is the next chapter. It’s a long one because it didn’t feel right cutting out parts of Jody and chopping it up into smaller chapters. 
> 
> Also! If you see anything that could be fixed or any grammar errors please please let me know so I can fix it.

You tapped your fingers against your gray dress pants as you rode in the back of the impala. You and the Winchesters were in your FBI gear on the way to a case handed to you by Jody Mills. You had heard about Jody, and from what you could tell, she was a very good friend to the Winchesters. It felt almost like you were meeting their mom in a weird way and it made you anxious. What if she didn’t like you? What if she convinced the boys they should dump you because of your complicated past? You didn’t think that was something you could handle.

You took a deep breath as Dean pulled into the parking lot where there was a very pretty lady waiting by a police car. She had short brown hair with a kind face and was in a sheriff's uniform with a very comfortable looking brown jacket. Self-consciously, you tugged down your own tattered jacket in an effort to smooth the lines. There was slight blood stains on the hem of it that a normal person wouldn’t see, but you thought they jumped out like they were attached to a neon sign.

“You look fine.” Dean’s voice calls from the front seat. 

You looked up to see him gazing at you in the rearview mirror. “I know. I was just brushing off a piece of lint.” You insisted.

“Yeah. Okay. Come on Half Pint, let’s go meet Jody.” He said stepping out of the car.  
You took a deep breath and climbed out after him. 

“You boys are a sight.” You heard her say to the boys, her tone filled with affection. 

“Jody. How's the shoulder?” Sam greeted her.

She looked like she was remembering something terrible and rotated her shoulder as if trying to ease out some pain. “Eh, only aches when it rains. How you boys been?”

“Peachy.” “Touch and go.” 

You knew the boys wouldn’t agree on the events of the last few weeks. It made you chuckle knowing they had such different views and the fact that they talked almost in sync. You had to agree with the ‘touch and go’ view of the recent weeks, but you kept silent.

“So, who’s this?” Jody asked, turning her attention to you with a smile.

“Well,” Dean started, “she’s my … uh, well, we’ve been seeing each other for a bit.”

Jody’s eyebrows shot up at this news. 

“I’m Y/N.” You said stepping up and holding out your hand to her. “It’s so nice to meet you Ms. Mills.”

“Ms. Mills? Jeez, who am I? My mother? Nah, call me Jody.” she told you, taking your hand and giving it a slight squeeze. 

“Jody it is.” You chuckled, liking the easy way she made you laugh.

“My, my Dean. Where did you snag a girl like this? I was sure you were going to be ‘Mr. Bachelor’ forever.”

Dean cleared his throat, ears going slightly pink, “So, what you got for us?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Ah! Well, I think it’s best that I just show you.” She said, stepping up to the trunk of her police cruiser. 

She opened the trunk and you felt bile rise to your throat. There was a man’s body in the back of her trunk that looked to have been wrapped in a tarp at one point. His head was sitting firmly in his lap and you remembered that Jody said it was a possible vampire but she wasn’t sure. It was a good thing she cut off it’s head because that would kill most things anyway.

Looking around first, Sam bent down and inspected the head, confirming it was a vampire when it’s fang protruded from it’s gum when Sam pushed down on it. Of course it had to be vampires. Why not?

“Yeah, uh, that's a vamp, all right.” Sam stated the obvious.

“I don't know, Sammy. Looks like Jody might not need our help anymore.” Dean joked, sounding like a proud father. 

“Oh, they grow up too fast.” Sam said in almost a patronizing tone. 

“Don't they?” Dean smiled. 

“Dicks.” You scoffed. 

“Yeah, joke all you want. There's more where this came from.”

Your eyebrows came together in confusion, “More?”

“My men brought in a runaway last night. There's no I.D. on her – nothing on her, actually, except for a bus ticket out of Nebraska. Total Jane Doe. She won't even give me her name. Girl's basically feral. She's got zero manners, didn't even thank me for saving her. Anyhow, this thing went to plenty of trouble to get at her. And to hear him tell it, the "others" will want her at least as bad as he did.” Jody explained.

“Perfect, there’s a nest.” You offered. 

“Nest? I'm guessing that's not half as cute and cozy as it sounds.” Jody asked. 

“Oh, I'm afraid not.” Dean said.

“Picture a house full of the world’s strongest men that are addicted to crack and will stop at nothing to get it. Nests aren’t fun but if there aren’t too many it should be an easy take down.”

“Perfect! Glad I called you boys. Come on! Let’s see what you can get out of this girl.”

~

Sam and Dean grilled the girl and found out they were dealing with a child that had been kidnapped by the nest you were hunting. They found out the vamps were feeding on her and that they were considered family in some twisted way. Apparently the vampire that Jody killed and stuffed into her trunk was the girl’s brother. 

You decided to stay out of the interrogation room because you didn’t want the girl to feel overcrowded with four people asking questions. When Jody came out of the room you could tell there was something weighing on her mind. 

“Hey, you okay?” You asked as Dean and Sam emerged from the room.

“No wonder she didn't thank me. That creep was her brother.” Jody said shaking her head. “I'm fine. You know, mostly, I'm just – I'm hung up on the name. Alex and Annie – they're so close already. Why'd they change it?”

“They changed it? Well maybe they didn’t want anyone to know she was taken.” You offered. 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Jody mused. 

“Okay, so, we know from her ticket that Alex hopped a bus out of O'Neill, Nebraska, right?” Sam said. 

“Mm-hmm.” Jody hummed. 

“Obviously, it'd be better to go in with a firm location, but the town ain't that big. There are no caves or other natural hiding places. So, I worked together a short list of possible nest locations. Uh, there's an empty fire station, four or five derelict homes. Nothing we couldn't hit in a day.”

“Sounds good to me.” You said, moving toward the front door.

Getting ready to go, Jody follows the boys as they start towards you. 

Dean turns around to address Jody. “You sure you're all right to babysit? One of us could stay with you.” He said, his eyes flicking to you for a second. It was so fast you thought you imagined it. 

“Oh, well, girl's a flight risk, not exactly friendly, but I think I can handle babysitting detail. No offense.” Jody seemed unconcerned. 

“Well, the station's been made. It might be worth heading upwind for a while. I mean, vamps are trackers. Do you have anywhere you can go?”

“Well, I've got an old family cabin outside of town.” Jody considered this for a second before nodding.

“That should work.” you said. 

Looking around, Jody considered her officers milling about the place. “Okay. Well, shouldn't raise too many eyebrows, me being gone for a day.”

“Maybe, but you, uh, you should have some backup. Y/N will stay with you.”

“What?” You hissed, turning to the oldest Winchester.

“Yeah, it would be good to have a fully trained hunter there just for backup.” He continued, avoiding your eye. 

You tugged his arm, pulling him away from the other two. “Dean, can I talk to you for a second?” 

As you were pulling him away, Sam was rubbing the back of his neck in the uncomfortable situation. Jody looked a little lost at what to do or say, which was a first that you had seen. As you pulled Dean gently away you heard Sam ask her if she knew anything about Dead Man’s Blood and figured he was trying to keep her in the loop of all things having to do with vampires. 

“What do you mean, I can stay with Jody? No way. I’m going to that nest with you and Sam.” You said, looking up at Dean, not giving an inch.

He sighed and drug his hand down his face. “Can we not do this? I need you with Jody in case something goes wrong. You are the most experienced hunter here besides me or Sam and I need someone to make sure she and Alex are safe.” 

“Fine. Let Sam be on babysitting duty then. I’m going to that nest.” You glared at him. There was no way he was going to make you feel like you were not good enough for the raid. 

“Just stop being so stubborn. Go with Jody.”

“Why? Because you said to? You don’t own me Dean Winchester.” 

“Damnit Y/N!” He growled before closing his eyes calming himself down and controlling his volume. “I can’t lose you again. I just got you back and I’ll be damned if I let you be in a situation that will put you in danger again. You just got back. Take it easy for a while and let yourself fully heal… Please.” He said, all fight leaving his stance. His shoulders were slumped slightly and you could tell he was doing all he could to keep you from going to the nest. 

You considered this a moment. “Okay. But don’t you dare think that I can’t take care of myself.”

“That’s not what this is about. I just want you to be safe and this is how I can make sure you are.” He said cupping your face with his hand. You leaned into it slightly before he dropped it, remembering you were supposed to be FBI partners. 

“You owe me.” You told him, fully intending to make him pay in your own way.

“We good?” Sam asked warily when you and Dean came back to him and Jody. 

You gave Jody a smile. “Well, looks like it’s you, me, and the kid. So we should probably head out soon to avoid any trouble with the vamps if they come early.”

“Sounds like a plan. Let me just tell my guys and grab Alex. We can take my car.” She said, smiling at you. There was a question in her eyes that you knew you were going to hear about later, but thankfully she kept it to herself for the time being.

“Alright, we are gonna head out. Be careful and call us if anything happens.” Sam told you as you walked out of the building with them to grab some supplies from the car. 

“Will do, Sammy.” You said, opening the trunk to the impala. You took some vials of Dead Man’s Blood and stuck them in your pockets. You also grabbed a machete just in case you needed it. 

“Be careful out there. I want you to text me every hour with a status report.” Dean said as he watched you.

“Isn’t that overkill? I can take care of myself ya know.” You challenged. 

“Just do it, okay?” He said leaning down to press his lips against yours. You expected a peck on the lips, but what you got was much more intense. His mouth crushed yours as if he was desperate for your touch and he knew he was going to lose it very soon. As he pulled back, you felt you head spin and your breathing come in short puffs. “If you need me, you call. I don’t care what I’m doing, I will come for you.” He said, his forehead pressed against yours. 

“I will, promise. And I love you too.” You whispered. 

He pulled away and got into the Impala as Jody came up behind you. “Ready?” She asked. You nodded and took in the sight of the girl next to her.

“Hi. I’m Y/N” You introduced yourself.

“Yeah? Good for you.” She said in a bitter tone. 

“Okie dokie then. Come on, get in the car.” Jody ushered the girl forward, pushing her gently into the passenger seat of the car while you climbed into the back seat. It was going to be a long ride, so you settled in watching the trees fly by.

~

The drive was tense. Jody kept trying to pull information out of Alex, but only succeeded at making the teenager withdraw into herself even more. When you pulled up to the cabin, you realized it was one of those beautiful ones lost in a sea of green and silence. The road was miles away and nothing surrounded it but trees and a river that you could faintly hear in the back of the house. “Wow.” You sighed, taking in the scene.

“I have a lot of great memories. Used to come up here all the time – first as a kid with my parents and then with my…” Jody stopped and cleared her throat, having almost talked about the people that she lost. “Anyhow, it's a lot nicer than it looks from the outside. F.Y.I. – The woods around here – really easy to get lost in if you don't know your way around. Me – I know them like the back of my hand.”

“I got it. ‘Don't try running. You won't get far’.” Alex said with an irritated voice. 

“I’m going to go ahead and take a sweep around the place. Make sure we weren’t followed.” You told Jody. “You gonna be okay while I’m gone?” 

“Yeah we’ll be good. But seriously, don’t stray too far. It really is easy to get lost out there.” She warned before heading inside the cabin with Alex. 

You started off into the woods, making sure you could see the cabin for most of the trip. There were birds singing through the trees and it make you smile, thinking of the simplicity of a bird’s life. Sometimes you wished life were that simple but then there would be something that changed the way you saw the world. Instead of darkness, you saw light. Instead of loneliness, you saw love. Mostly it was Dean that did those things for you. Recently he was the thing that got you through the nightmares and the anxiety that had started to seep into you.  
You had circled the area three times before you deemed them safe enough to go indoors. When you got in, you saw Jody standing in the back of the house. You heard the rhythmic sound of her chopping wood while you were out and she had compiled quite the stack of firewood. She was just finishing setting a log on the pile when you walked up. 

“Place is safe. I didn’t see anyone. How’s Alex?” You asked, stopping next to the pile.

“She’s… good? A lotta rage in that girl. I just hope she realizes that we can protect her and that she won’t have to go back to those … things.” Jody said.

“She might. Although, when you’re traumatized it takes a while to get back into the swing of things. Especially when it’s someone who you consider family. It changes you.” 

“Sounds like you’re talking from personal experience.” She said, not unkind.

You nodded slightly. “Maybe. What about you? Have you been changed because of family?”

Her eyebrows shot up slightly, as if she were impressed or disbelieving that you would actually ask her that. 

“I heard what you said about this place and Dean told me about when they first met you.” You tried to explain.

“And?” She asked, sounding slightly defensive. 

“Are you okay? Being here I mean?”

“I haven’t been here since …” She started to say. 

“Since they died?” you asked and received a nod in response. 

“I know you did everything you could to save them. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way we want it to. Just be glad that you have the knowledge that you tried.” You told her.

“Yeah. I guess I did.” She said. “ So, how did you get into hunting? Couldn’t have been your first choice of career.”

“Definitely not my first choice.” You chuckled. “I actually wanted to be an elementary school teacher. It ran in my family, so I figured that’s what I would do. I went to college even, at least for a few semesters. I was on the campus when there were some disappearances every few nights. I was walking to my car one night after a night class let out and something jumped me.”

“Jesus. What was it?” Jody asked, enthralled by your story.

You chuckled. “Oddly enough, it was a vamp.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Nope. Anyway, another hunter found me before I kicked it. Rufus. Hell of a bastard and he wasn’t too friendly, but he told me what was what and I started digging after that. Dropped out of school and started looking into lore and found all the creepy crawlies out there. No one knew except my sister, Lilly. I ended up telling my mom that I was a representative for the college and that it was a traveling job.”

“So your sis didn’t want to join you?” Jody asked. 

It took you a second to collect yourself. You and Lilly had talked about it many times but she was afraid to leave mom and Adam behind without protection. In the end, she was right. You looked at Jody and gave a small smile. “No. Never got the chance to.” 

Jody gave you a sympathetic look, understanding what you were telling her. Letting the subject drop, she said, “You know. Dean’s a good man. I hope you are going to be good for him, and you know, he will be good for you. From what I can see, you’re a fighter and a good person. I just … I worry about those boys. They can get into a lot of trouble when they aren’t being watched and I guess I’m just asking that you’ll give me call if they get into something they can’t handle.” 

You hadn’t expected this from her. You definitely didn’t expect it right now. “I will.” You promised her. 

“And for you. If you need anything, I want you to call me too. From the things I know about Dean, he wouldn’t be with someone who wasn’t strong and that means you can take care of yourself. But, I’m here.” 

You were touched by her honesty and concern. You could tell why the Winchesters held her in such high esteem. Swallowing, you said “thank you.” 

“Now that that talk’s over, wanna go inside for some hot chocolate? I have some cinnamon and marshmallows we can put into it.” Jody tempted. It actually sounded really good so you nodded and helped her grab some of the firewood. 

You walked into the house and dumped the wood by the door and looked around to follow Jody into the kitchen. She stopped to look around and you realized a bit belated that Alex was nowhere to be seen. 

“Shit!” You growled. “I’ll look outside.”

“I’ve got the house.” Jody called over her shoulder. 

You ran out of the cabin and into the forest. You couldn’t see anything because it was dark so you stopped to listen. There was nothing. Not even the birds from earlier, which was strange. Risking it, you delved into the woods to see if she ran. She might just be scared enough to try it. Twigs snapped under your feet as you moved through the brush and you felt branches cut at your skin when you brushed past them too quickly. You made sure to go around the entire house just in case she was hiding out there. 

As you rounded the back of the house, you heard screaming from the house. You let your instincts kick in and you ran toward the noise, pulling the axe out of the stump where Jody had been cutting the firewood as you ran by. Sprinting around the corner, you saw a blue pickup truck idling at the end of the drive. There was a woman sitting inside but there didn’t look to be anyone else around. Crouching down, you tried to get closer the the truck. 

You hid behind a tree that was just past Jody’s car when you hear Alex calling for help. Looking up, you saw a man wearing a green jacket and baseball cap dragging her to the truck. To her credit, Alex was putting up a hell of a fight. As he got her to the truck, you slipped out from your hiding place and swung the axe at him. 

The axe collided with the side of the truck when he dodged it. The woman in the truck held onto Alex, who looked to be knocked out while the man shot out of the truck. Behind you, you heard Jody cry out in pain but there was nothing you could do. The vampire grabbed you by the arms before you could get the axe out of the truck and pushed you back. You brought your fist up and collided with the side of his face. He barely moved and you knew that you were going to have to do something more drastic.

Without thinking about it, you brought up your foot to kick him between the legs. Even vampires felt that pain, right? It was too bad your plan didn’t seem to be original because he dodged you quite easily. Before you could do anything else, his head came flying into yours. You heard a loud knocking sound and your head flew back. Your head collided with the ground when you fell. Pain radiated through your skull from the blow and it disoriented you. 

When you were able to focus slightly, you saw his fangs were out and he was staring at your left arm. Looking down, you noticed the blood from the trees from earlier. Shit. You struggled under him, trying to break free when his teeth sank into your neck. The pain was excruciating and you let out a scream. You could feel the pulling from the suction as he drank you. The pain stopped when you heard yelling from the truck and you found yourself being slammed into the ground until the world around you went black.

Your head hurt and when you tried to move, pain radiated down your neck. Groaning, you opened your eyes. You were in a house that had the windows boarded up and looked like an old fashioned house with tacky furniture. Fucking vampires. 

You were tied down to a bed and there was a gag in your mouth. You tried to move your arms but the knots were too tight. At the foot of the bed, there was the vampire from earlier, who attacked you. He was smirking at you and it made your insides twist. 

“Look who’s awake.” He mused. “I thought for sure I took too much or that I hit you too hard. Glad to see you can stick around because, you know, you sure are a pretty one.” 

“Fuck you.” You tried to say, but it came out muffled. 

“Sorry, didn’t catch that.” He said before yanking the gag out of your mouth. 

“I said. Fuck. You.” You enunciated.

“Not until later sugar. There's a few things that we have to do first.”

“Like what?” You spat.

“Now see, nobody's put up a fight like you have, and I like that. So, I talked to Mama and she said that I can turn you. Seems only fair that I turn someone those Winchester's love when they killed my brother. Actually it's damn near fitting that a hunter will become one of us.” 

You started to struggle at his words, but he just chuckled.

“Lucky for you, we need something from you first. See, Alex is going through something and we just need a bit of your blood to get the process rolling.” He told you as he took out a needle that was connected do what looks like a very large tube.

“What did you do to her?” You spat at him, trying to get as far away from the needle as you could. 

“Same thing that I’m gonna do to you.” He smiled as he plunged the needle into your skin, letting the blood flow from your body into a jar. 

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” You warned him.

“Yeah? And why is that?”

“Because those Winchester's are on their way. And I swear to you if I'm hurt they will stop at nothing until you're dead. And it won't be a quick death. It will be slow and painful. So you should stop while you’re ahead.”

The vampire chuckled at your treat as if he thought you were bluffing. What he didn’t realize was you were telling him the truth. Poor bastard was just too inflated by ego to realize it. There was a few moments of silence when you heard a floorboard creak from outside the room. Before you could make any noise, the vampire put the gag back in your mouth. You still tried to scream but it was muffled and you knew no one would hear you. You tried to start thrashing, to get anyone's attention but the vampire put a blade to your throat in warning. Deciding that it was within your best interest to play along, you stopped. 

“You just stay cozy, I'll be back in a minute. Right after I take care of those two blood bags.” He said as he moved to the door. 

When he was gone, you immediately started tugging at your restraints. When more you tugged they became tighter, so you stopped. There had to be another way for you to get out of there. Thinking quickly, you used the tips of your fingers to feel the ties. You sent a thank you to whoever was listening when you discovered that they were cloth. Looking up, you searched for the knot. If you got to the knot you would be able to get out. Hopefully Sam and Dean could handle themselves for a bit. 

After what felt like forever, you were able to loosen one of the knots. You sighed with relief when the cloth fell away from your wrist. Before you undid your other wrist, you took the needle out of your arm that had taken quite a bit of your blood. You knew that the blood loss you experienced back in the woods mixed with the blood loss now was going to make it hard for you to fight. The amount of time it took you to get out of your bonds made you nervous. It meant that if the Winchesters were there, they were in trouble. Figures.

You ripped part of the bed sheets and tied it around your arm do stop the bleeding. When that was done you quietly slipped out of the door, trying not to make much noise. Padding down the stairs you listened for any indication that someone was in trouble. Hearing none, you took the time to look around. There wasn't much left in the house that could be used as a weapon but eventually you found a machete. It was one that you saw Dean use many times. as soon as your fingers touch the hilt, you heard a loud crash from somewhere in the house.

As quietly as you could, and as fast as you could, you headed towards the noise. Rounding the corner you noticed that Sam was tied to a chair and had one of the same needles that was used in your arm in his. From the amount of blood in the jars, you guessed he was about to pass out from blood loss. One of the vampires was fighting with Dean and the other one looked like it was weak. Dean must have gotten in some dead man's blood, but not enough you incapacitate him.

The weak vampire tried you sneak up behind Dean but you wanted to make sure he wasn't going to be able to be effective. Stepping into the kitchen, you raced towards the vampire and slashed at him with your machete. His head toppled to the ground as Dean got the upper hand on the other vampire. You noticed that the vampire fighting with Dean was the same one who said he was going to turn you. Part of you wanted to kill him yourself, but you also knew that Dean was in a better position right now to get the job done.

Dean and the vampire were fighting over a machete and it looks like Dean was winning. He had the vampire pain between himself and a brick wall and it looked like the vampire was losing his strength. You couldn't see Dean's face but you heard the malice in his tone when he yelled for the vampire to look at him. As soon as the vampire laid eyes on Dean, the blade sliced through his neck with ease.

Going over to Sam, you took the needle out of his arm and started to untie his hands. “Boy am I glad to see you guys.” You managed to say as you undid the last tie.

“Dean.” Sam called.

“Yeah I know, you would have done the same for me.” Thing called back in a cocky tone.

“No. Jody.” Sam reminded his brother.

You looked at Dean, “I'll stay with Sam. You go get Jody.” Without looking at you, he disappeared in the hopes of finding Jody still alive.

~ 

You managed to carry yourselves out to the car. It was a feat because you and Sam, both weak with blood loss, had to help each other. While Jody leaned heavily on Dean. You found out that Alex was in transition to becoming a vampire and Jody took a beating. She had many cuts and a broken leg. Thankfully, the brothers knew a cure for vampirism and they would be able to help at least one of them. 

When most everyone got inside the Impala, you started to climb in. You are stopped, however, by Dean calling your name. Looking back you saw his eyes teeming with worry. He reached up and press something to your neck. It was a piece of cloth he found inside the house. You hadn’t noticed the blood seeping down your neck. Apparently moving around too much opens up recently closed wounds if you're not careful.

“Keep this on there.” He said worry in his eyes.

“Thanks.” You mumbled.

His hand cupped your cheek and he brushed his lips against yours. it was a quick and chaste kiss that lasted only a few seconds. But in that kiss, you felt the worry and the fear that radiated from his body. 

“I'm okay.” You whispered to him.

“When we came back, and we found Jody unconscious, and she didn't know where you were, I …” He stopped, his jaw ticking in frustration.

“I know. But it’s okay. I’m fine, and I will tell you everything when we get Alex and Jody out of here.”

He pulled you into his arms and you felt his lips against your head as you were pressed into his chest. 

“Guys. As happy as I am for you two, can we get going? I got a kid here who is trying not to rip our faces off.” Sam called from the front seat. 

You started to get into the back seat with Jody and Alex, but Dean stopped you. “No, I want you next to me.” he told you. 

You gave him a look of confusion and he simply shrugged. “It’s just been a long day. It would make me feel better knowing I had you next to me.”

“And not in the backseat with the vampire to be. Right?” You finished for him. 

He looked a bit sheepish as he answered with a shrug. You decided to let it go though. You nodded and slid into the front seat next to Sam. It was a tight fit, but Dean had his arm around your shoulders, keeping you firmly against his side and that was all that mattered to you as you put your head against his arm.


	17. Negotiations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Here is the next chapter. Sorry it is so short! I have the next two chapters planned and mapped out so look for those soon.

It had been a few weeks since you left Jody with a fairly sick and pissed off Alex to take care of. The sheriff wrapped you in a hug before telling you to take care of the boys and yourself and to call if you needed anything. You had a feeling that you would meet her again and decided that she was one of the few people you would actually call if you were in a jam. 

 

You sat in the library, staring at your laptop, looking for any information about your dad’s death you could find. You had not had time to process the information you found out about him since you came back but you knew you needed to make the time. After talking with Jody about your family, you knew you needed to figure out what happened to him. You knew the year he died, it was just after your seventh birthday, but you had no idea how it happened. You asked your mom many times, but she just told you that he got sick. That was it. He got sick and he died. She never told you what disease he had even though you asked many times. Which made your job slightly more difficult.

 

You were able to track down his death certificate but the cause of death was listed as ‘unknown’, which was strange considering your mother was sure it was a disease. You dug up records from when you were young and found a person your parents used to be close to; a woman named April. You vaguely remembered her from the pictures you found. You remembered that she would babysit you and your siblings and that her hair smelled nice, but that was about it. 

 

After your dad died, your mom moved you away from her. At the time you were more concerned about leaving your friends than asking why the sudden change. There was a chance that April knew what really happened, so you looked up her info. 

 

As you were writing down her address, Dean came shuffling into the library. You took a second to admire him. His hair was sticking straight up and he was wearing the “dead guy robe” that he liked so much. His hand was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and he took a look around. 

 

“Hey, Sweetheart. What are you doing up so late?” He asked when he spotted you sitting in one of the chairs at the table with your laptop and a small cup of whiskey.

 

“I couldn’t sleep.” You said smiling softly at him. 

 

“What are you doing? It’s like 3 in the morning.” He asked, coming to sit next to you. 

 

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about my family and how they died. I know the things my dad … Ian, said were to get under my skin but I think there was truth to it.” You looked down at your hands as you spoke. “What better way to hurt someone than by telling them the truth about how they used you and made you kill your family?”

 

Dean placed his fingers under your chin and softly raise it until you looked at him. “Even if it is the truth, he wasn’t your dad when he did that. He’s a twisted version of himself. Nothing he says is going to make anyone think less of you.”

 

“I know that.” You insisted. 

 

Dean gave you a look showing that he didn’t believe you, but he let it go. “Can I do anything?”

 

You bit your bottom lip, wondering how he was going to take this. “I need to go see someone. A woman named April. She was my mom’s friend when I was a kid and when my dad died we just left. I wanted to talk to her to see if she remembered anything about how he died.”

 

He considered this for a few moments. “Sounds like a good idea. I’ll come with you.” He offered. 

 

“You don’t have to. It’s something I should do alone. Anyway, your needed here with Sam. Especially with everything going on.” You told him. 

 

“I am needed here. But you need me too. I’m not gonna let you go through this alone. I already failed you once by letting you leave here by yourself and it’s not gonna happen again. I didn’t protect you before, but I swear I will make sure you get the answers you need. But it needs to be in a safe way.” He reached up to trail his fingers through your hair. “You’re not in this alone Sweetheart. And anyway, I don’t always like sharing you with Sam. I need some time with just you. So, I wanna come with.”

 

You mulled his words over in your head. Deciding that he was right you smiled at him. “Okay. But if we’re doing this we have to do it right. Just me and you riding in Baby, the wind in our hair, bad food, good sex.”

 

At that he grinned. “You know we could do that last part anytime you want.” He said, his voice low and his eyes heated.

 

You leaned in and pressed your lips to his. “We can’t leave for a while and I’m not tired.” You purred as you stood up and moved to straddle his lap. His arms came around you, resting on your hips. 

 

His lips claimed yours in a heated kiss that left you breathless as your hands wound around the back of his neck and into his hair. You ground your hips down on him as you felt his tongue part your lips making a low growl escape from his chest. 

 

“Dammit Sweetheart.” he said as he pulled slightly away. “Do you even know what you do to me?” 

 

You trailed a hand down his chest and palmed him through his boxers. There was a significant bulge under your fingertips. “I think I can guess.” You whispered. 

 

With one last kiss, you got off his lap, your fingers wrapped around his hand, and you led him to his feet. You turned to walk towards the bedroom, but he stopped you by pulling you into him lightly. His lips met yours briefly before you saw a mischievous glint in his eye. You let out a shriek of surprise that turned into a giggle when his arms lifted you from the ground, his left arm cradling your back and his right arm under your knees. He crushed you to his chest, lips moving slowly with yours, as he strode toward your room. You knew he chose that room because it was farther away from Sam’s than his, which meant you didn’t have to stay quiet. 

 

Making it into your room, he kicked the door shut as quietly as he could and set you on the bed. He made short work of freeing you from your clothes. You relished the way his calloused fingers grazed your skin as he slid down your shorts. The heat in his eyes blazed hotter when he realized you were not wearing anything beneath them. 

 

Sitting up, you slipped off your night shirt as he quickly freed himself of what little clothes he had. His tongue drug over his bottom lip in anticipation as he looked down on you. “I hope you didn’t plan on getting any sleep tonight.” He said, caressing the skin of your knee.

 

You raised your eyebrow at him in a challenge. “That’s a tall order. Think you can handle it?” 

 

“Oh baby, trust me. When it comes to you I can handle anything.” he said bringing his lips to meet your inner thigh, making you giggle. His lips trailed up your thigh and when he got between your legs, you felt his tongue do amazing things to you. 

 

Your breathing hitched as he found your most sensitive spot and exploited the fact that if he applied just enough pressure, it would make you let out a soft moan. When you couldn’t take it anymore, you bucked your hips to meet his lips, hoping for some kind of release. When it came, you shuttered and felt his lips smiling against you in triumph. 

 

“I told you I could handle it.” he remarked proudly.

 

“Just one orgasm isn’t going to satisfy me, Winchester. You gotta do better than that.” Just like you hoped, he rose to the challenge.

 

With Dean, you felt more alive than with anyone you had ever been with. His attention was completely on you and when you asked for more, he gave and expected nothing in return. When both of you lay shuttering and breathless, completely spent from the teasing and thrusting, you lay on his chest, still enveloping him. His arms came around you and he hummed a familiar tune. 

 

“Is this becoming our ‘we just had sex’ tune?” you asked. 

 

“Nah. It’s our ‘I love you and you make me happier than anyone else.’ tune.” He whispered before humming “Hey Jude” softly to you until you fell asleep. 

 

~

 

You were shoving your clothes into your bag for the trip. You knew it had to be done, but you were still nervous. Dean had gone to tell Sam that you guys were leaving for a few days and the gist of what you were doing. You weren’t sure what you were expecting out of this trip, but you knew it had to happen.

 

“Hey” Dean’s voice came from behind you, making you turn.

 

“You about ready?” you asked him. You wrapped your arms around his middle and put your head on his chest, listening to the thump of his heart. He hesitated for a moment, surprised, before wrapping his arms securely around you.

 

“Yeah, I’m ready. You okay?” he asked. 

 

“I’m good.” You said, looking up at him. “Kiss me.” You smiled at him. 

 

He leaned down and brought his lips to yours. You never got over how perfectly he tasted and how his lips fit with yours. Humming in contentment, you pulled away. 

 

“Now let’s get out of here so we can get some answers.” You moved to pick up your bag but Dean got to it first. “Hey!” You scolded. “I can carry my own bag, you know.”

 

“What? Can’t I be a gentleman?” He asked, feigning hurt. 

 

“You can. It’s just not normally your style. What are you up to?” you asked, suspicious. 

 

“Nothin’” he said quickly, looking at the ground. 

 

“Dean?” 

 

“It’s nothing. I swear…” he stopped talking when you gave him a bitchface. “I just want to be nice.” Was all he got out before he started walking away. 

 

Maybe you were overreacting. He was being kind of sketchy. But he did do nice things for you in the past, so why was this different? You thought about this for half a second before you followed him to the garage. 

 

He loaded your bag up and shut the trunk. “I can’t wait for you to see the surprises I have in store for you, Sweetheart. After we get done with April, it’ll be just you and me and my fine planning skills.”

 

Before you could answer, Sam walked into the garage with an apologetic look on his face. “Hey guys, uh I think I caught a case. It could be big.” 

 

“Where?” You asked. 

 

“Chicago. There’s been a lot of activity lately and a few bodies have dropped. I can take care of this one if you guys want to go ahead with your trip. I know it’s important.” He said. 

 

“Yeah, but you need backup. Why doesn’t Dean go with you and I can go see April by myself?” You suggested. 

 

“No.” “No.” They said at the same time. 

 

“I’ll be fine on my own. I got this guys.” Sam insisted. 

 

“Why can’t you just wait to see April until we get back? You could come with us.” Dean offered. 

 

“Dean, I have to know. My head won’t be in it if I go with you. I’d just be a distraction and that’s not good for anyone. Anyways, I need to talk to her.”

 

“All I’m asking is that you wait until we get back and I can go with you. I don’t want you going alone.” Dean told you. 

 

“Guys, I can take care of this myself.” Sam tried to interject. 

 

“No way in Hell I’m leaving you to fend for yourself while I steal your brother from you.” You said firmly. “He’s going with you.”

 

“Now wait a minute.” Dean said, trying to defend himself. “If you don’t want him fending for himself, why do you have to? Please just wait here if you don’t want to come with us. You can find more information without her while we are gone. We should be a few days tops and she will be there when we get to her.” He looked at you pointedly. 

 

You remembered what he said to you the night before and sighed. “Okay fine. Just be careful and come back in one piece.” You told him as you grabbed your bag out of the trunk and placed a kiss on his lips. As you passed Sam, you gave him a hug. “You too Sasquatch.” 

 

~

 

It had been about six hours before you decided it wasn’t worth it to wait for Dean. There was no way you were going to be able to get anything done while he was gone and you knew where April was. It was a milk run at best and you knew Dean would be pissed, but he would also get over it. If you played your cards right, you could be back before they were and you could say “I told you I would be fine by myself”. It was going to be fine. After all, what was the worst that could happen?


	18. April

You drove past the big sign that announced you were there. You had a moment a panic mixed with the feeling of determination. You had to know what happened, even if it meant Dean was going to be pissed at you, which you knew was going to happen. You could already hear the panic in his voice and picture the way he would purse his lips and tighten his jaw when he found out you lied to him. The thought made you slow the car an infinitesimal amount before shaking your head and checking your GPS to make sure you were going in the right direction. 

 

You passed the town square and it reminded you of the movie Scream. The buildings were mostly brick and there were families scattered around enjoying the day in the sun. Some were in a field laying on multi colored blankets and there was a group of teenagers playing football near a fountain. You could picture yourself playing with your younger brother and sister as kids, running around the fountain. Lilly giggling as you tried to balance on the wall and Adam shrieking in fear when you lost your footing. Your parents calling out to the three of you to come join them for lunch under the big oaks. 

 

You smiled sadly as you drove on. You knew there was no going back to what you were robbed of and that hurt. You were never going to have a Christmas dinner with your family again. There would be no birthdays or hugs or embarrassing moments passed between your parents. That was all over and you needed to know why. 

 

You pulled up to the house that held your answers. It was beautiful and you caught yourself envying the owner as you climbed out of your car. It was a white two story house that had a huge porch wrapping around the entire first floor. The windows were open, letting the slight breeze in and you caught the scent of something cooking flowing from the side of the house. Walking up the small steps onto the porch, you steeled yourself for the conversation that was about to happen. It was going to awkward, you knew, but hopefully she would talk to you.

 

As you neared the front door, you almost jumped in shock when the door opened. Behind it stood a woman in her late forties with short blonde hair that screamed “may I speak to your manager”. She had a kind face and, to your surprise, a scar that traced it’s way from the left corner of her mouth to her outer eye. It looked like it had been there for forever and you couldn’t imagine what the cause was, but you knew it wasn’t good. 

 

She regarded you curiously before whipping her hands on her deep blue apron. “Can I help you?” She asked, and you were surprised to hear a thick scottish accent. 

 

“My name is Y/N. I, uh, I’m looking for April. She knew my parents when I was a kid and we lived down the street from her.” You introduced yourself, hoping she was the person you needed. 

 

Her eyes grew wide and you caught her hand shake slightly. “I never thought I’d see you again.” she whispered.

 

“I’m sorry to bother you. I just… can I ask you come questions?” You had never heard your voice sound so desperate and frail. 

 

April sighed slightly and looked around outside before opening the door a little wider for you to slip inside. When you turned around she was staring at you.

 

“You look just like your father.” She said, sounding almost disbelieving. She collected herself for a moment and offered you a seat in the living room with your back to the wall and the high open window. You could feel the breeze tickling your neck as it swayed the curtains. 

 

“There’s really no easy way to ask this, so I’m going to get right to it. What do you remember about the night my dad died?” You asked, skipping the pleasantries. 

 

Her face drained of color slightly and you knew she had information. “I remember everythin’. Even the things that I can’t explain.” 

 

“Will you tell me? Please. Even if you think it’s crazy, I need to know what really happened.” You asked, a bit louder than you meant. 

 

April looked down at her hands that were clasped tightly together. “What happened to your mother?” She asked softly. 

 

You flinched slightly. “She passed away a few years ago. How did you…”

 

“Because you wouldn’t be here if she was able to tell you.” She said matter of factly. 

 

You hadn’t considered this but you nodded in agreement. You doubted your mom would have told you anything important, but there was no way you would need to be there if you could just ask her. “Lilly and Adam, too. Just a few months ago.”

 

She bowed her head slightly and said, “I’m sorry.” 

 

You nodded in appreciation before going back to the reason you were there. “She never talked about it. She just said that he got sick.”

 

April laughed wryly, but nodded. “Yeah, you could say that.” 

 

“Please. I need to know. What happened?” You asked, leaning forward slightly. You could feel the desperation flowing out of you and you hoped she was going to help you. 

 

She sighed slightly and stood up. Going over to her cabinet, she pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. She poured you a hefty amount and you raised your eyebrows in shock when she poured herself double. “You’re gonna need this, lassie.” She said passing you the glass. 

 

You sipped the drink as she sat down again. “Where do I start?” she sighed. She shifted in her seat a bit before looking at you. “I knew your family long before you came around. I was friends with your ma in high school and we did everythin’ together. I was even there when she met your dad.” She smiled slightly before continuing. “I was set up with him before your ma was and we just didn’t click. I think he liked me but it just didn’t work out. Lookin’ back, I’m not too upset about that.” She hesitated. “About a week before Ian died, he became erratic. He wasn’t himself. You need to understand, he wasn’t himself. That’s important.” She stressed, eyes holding desperation and pity. 

 

You nodded and clenched the glass in your hand tighter.

 

“He came ‘round a bit after 8:00 the night he died. He was bangin’ on my door and I thought somethin’ happened to you or Adam or Lilly. When I opened it, he pushed his way in and started screamin’ at me. Somethin’ about not takin’ him seriously when we were younger and makin’ a fool out of him. I didn’t understand until he mentioned when we used to date. It was such a long time ago that I didn’t even think of it.” She stopped to take a sip of whiskey. “When I tried to tell him that it wouldn’t have worked anyway and that he should go home to his wife and children, he attacked me.” She motioned to the scar on her face. “That’s how I got this.” 

 

You were shaking your head slightly. “He wouldn’t do that.” 

 

“No. Normally he wouldn’t. But like I said before, he wasn’t himself. Anyway, a man came in when he heard me screamin’. Fellow named Rufus, of all things.” You straightened at the familiar name before she continued. “He tried to get Ian off me, but when he got too close, somethin’ snapped inside him. He lost control of himself and started rammin’ his head into the wall. I can still hear the sound of it in my sleep sometimes. It was like, somethin’ was controlling him. Then a lady came in, all black eyes and a sneer on her face. She walked up to Ian and drug him off me. She barely glanced at me, but she was furious at him. She started sayin’ somethin’ about how he was stupid for leading hunters there and she was gonna make him pay. They disappeared and Rufus stopped hurtin himself like nothin’ ever happened. He told me ‘bout some of the things that were out there when I was cleanin’ him up. He gave me his number and told me to call if anything else happened. They found your dad’s body the next mornin’.” 

 

“And did it?” You asked, almost immediately. “Happen? Did something happen?” You were enthralled by her story, but you were confused. Demons wouldn’t care if hunters were after them. 

 

“A week later I saw that lady again. I was walkin’ down the street and she was talkin’ to someone. I knew what she was, so I hid before she saw me. I overheard what they were talkin’ about and that’s why I needed to warn your ma.”

 

“Why? What was she saying?” You asked, impatiently. 

 

April sighed. “She said ‘The boss will be pleased when she returns. We have collected fifteen new souls and have plans for more. One of the souls, Ian, has been transformed quicker than any I have ever seen. He’ll be useful to her. Word has it, he has children. They might turn just as quick.’ I didn’t listen to anymore and got out of there before they saw me.”

 

“What did she mean ‘turned’?” You asked. It sounded familiar to you, but you had no idea where you heard it before. 

 

“I honestly don’t know. I called Rufus and told him what I heard. He never got back to me, he just said he would keep an eye on you kids. I went to your house right after and your ma was cryin’. It had been a hard week for her and I knew I was gonna have to tell her more bad news. I told her everythin’. I didn’t leave anything out because you were in danger. Of course she didn’t believe me.” She chuckled softly. “I bet you don’t believe me either.” She told you.

 

“I do. I believe you. April, I’ve seen so many things that you wouldn’t believe.” You told her. 

 

She considered this before speaking again. “Well, anyway, she left. She said that I was insane and that I wanted attention for things that happened because I wasn’t gettin’ enough of it. She was hurt and confused. I never blamed her for leaving. She thought I was nuts. For a while there, I thought I was too. Then I just stopped. Stopped caring what people thought, stopped fightin’ the truth. I started researching those things and I found out they were twistin’ souls. They were demons, makin’ other demons.” She whispered the last sentence. “After I found that out, I hid. I wanted no part of it. It was just too big.” 

 

You could understand that. There were times where you thought about just packing it in because the odds of you making it out got slimmer as you hunted. You tried, and that ended in blood and terror, so you knew it wouldn’t happen again. You could sympathize with April on that. You got the information you needed, but you wanted to know more about your family. You and April sat for a while and caught up with each other, leaving the dark topics alone.

 

You said your goodbyes to April and promised to keep in touch. Throughout the conversation, there was something nagging you about the souls being turned into demons. As you climbed back in your car, it hit you. Sam was on a case involving demons taking souls. Abaddon taking souls. You sped out of the driveway and pulled out your cell. You knew Dean was going to be pissed when you told him what you did, but you couldn’t think about that. 

 

You dialed his number and waited, taking deep breaths. 

 

“Y/N?” He answered on the third ring. “What’s wrong?” 

 

“Nothing. I just, uh, how’s your trip?” You asked, trying to sound casual. 

 

“Oh, it’s just peachy. Everyone is crazy down here and guess what. You thought the human mafia was bad? Picture that with creatures running the joint. I swear, Y/N everything is nuts here.” He ranted. “What have you been up to? Miss me already?” he asked in a playful tone. 

 

You tried to memorize the playfulness because you knew it was about to go away. “Well, I havn’t been up to much. I took a drive. To April’s house.” 

 

You could hear the hesitation as he processed your words. “You went where?” He asked, trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

You sighed. “Dean, you can get mad all you want, but there is something bigger going on here. I went to see April and I got answers.” 

 

“You went without me? Even after you promised me you would wait? Seriously?” He was pissed but you didn’t have time for that.

 

“Dean, shut up and listen to me. Sam said Abaddon was taking souls, right? Converting them for the war?” You asked. 

 

“Yeah. Something about the power of souls and making their own demons.”

 

“Dean, her goons were the reason my dad is a demon. They took his soul and they twisted it. They said it was the fastest they ever saw a soul turn and they killed him because he was going batshit and Rufus came and was involved and …”

 

“Hey. Baby, take a breath.” Dean called to you. “Where are you?” 

 

“I’m going back to my hotel.” 

 

“When you get there don’t go anywhere. We are coming to you.” 

 

“Dean. That’s not all. There’s something else.” You tried to explain as you pulled into the parking lot of your hotel. “They … they wanted me and my siblings. They wanted our souls. They wanted to see if we would turn as fast as my dad. I think that’s why Rufus helped me on the campus that day. I think that’s why he was following me. They wanted me.”

 

You could hear him growl lightly through the phone. You could almost imagine his hands tightening around the steering wheel of Baby as he drove a bit faster. “We’ll figure this out. They won’t touch you. I promise.”

 

“Dean. Remember when I got back from being tortured and there was a message carved into my stomach? The message said ‘we won’t be so nice next time’. We thought it was talking about Metatron working with my dad, but it wasn’t. It’s Abaddon.” There was silence on the other end. “Don’t you get it? Metatron is working with Abaddon.” Your voice rose higher as you became more hysterical. 

 

“Don’t go anywhere. I will be there in a few hours. Go into the hotel room and lock the door. Put down salt and a devil’s trap and don’t open the door for anyone who isn’t me or Sam.”

 

You started to panic slightly at the ferocity in his voice. This was bad. This was possibly the worst situation you could be in. you were normally calm, cool, and collected in these types of situations, but you had to admit you were scared. Genuinely afraid for what was going to happen. You hung up the phone and climbed out of your car. As you approached the door you heard a voice from behind you.

 

“Hello, Kitten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I felt that we needed another chapter that didn’t follow a specific episode. Also, I didn’t want to do “Bloodlines” because I can’t with that episode. As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated!


	19. A Boy and His Blade

“What the fuck are you doing here Crowley?” you growled at him, noticing that he looked slightly uncomfortable. You had your back to the door of your motel room. The key to the door was in one hand and your phone was in your other hand, Dean’s number ready to be dialed. 

 

“You know, same old, same old. I’ve been around. You know here and there. Mainly, I’ve been collecting things for an enigmatic woman.” He said looking at you pointedly. 

 

It took you a second to take in his words. You thought about what he was saying but in the end you were still confused. “Crowley, I don’t have times for games. I’m tired. So just tell me what you want and then you can piss off.” 

 

His eyes narrowed slightly. He huffed an irritated breath and looked like he wanted to slap you, but instead he reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out the hilt of an Angel blade, then pointed at you, before putting it back in his coat. You looked at his face and his eyebrows were raised slightly and his head cocked an infinitesimal amount. 

 

“You know what? Why don’t you come in?” You said carefully. You turned around and slid the key into the door and heard the lock click. While you were unlocking the door, you hit Dean’s name on your phone, making the call. You hoped he picked up and could hear everything that was going on, but if not the answering machine would pick up most of it. You pocketed the keys and your phone, making sure the microphone was hanging out of your jeans. As you opened the door, you slid a hand along your waistband and grabbed the hilt of your demon blade. You stepped into the room and turned to see Crowley right behind you, the door swinging closed behind him. 

 

“Okay. What are you doing here?” you asked him. You figured saying his name again would tip him off that you were up to something. 

 

“You know, I wanted to help Moose and Squirrel. I even started to become fond of you, Kitten.” He said, his lips forming a slight pucker. “I want you to know, it isn’t personal. That’s very important to know. It isn’t personal.” 

 

You started to ask what he meant, but before you could, you found yourself feeling weightless for a millisecond before your feet hit the ground hard. You looked around and saw that you were in what looked like an upscale hotel room. There was lavish furniture, a huge fireplace that was burning, and hardwood floors that made you think of a high end hotel that you could never afford. 

“Ah. Here she is. Looks like I can hold up my end.” a cool voice called from a chair behind you. 

 

Turning, you saw a woman in a leather jacket and jeans. Her hair was pinned up in a 1950s style that left her red hair cascading down her back. Her red lips shown in stark contrast to her milky skin. She was holding a martini in one hand and had a smirk on her lips. 

 

“My son?” Crowley asked, taking you by surprise. 

 

“You have a son?” You couldn’t help but remark to him. 

 

“It’s complicated.” he shrugged. “Now, you promised you would let him go if I got the girl.” 

“Yes. And you agreed to join me. All is settled in that matter. Go talk to him if you want. I need to speak to her in private.” she said glancing at you. When Crowley disappeared she turned to you. “Hello, Y/N.”

 

“How do you know my name? Who the hell are you?”  you asked. You had a pretty good idea, but you wanted it to seem like you were in the dark for as long as you could. Maybe you could stall things. 

 

The woman tilted her head towards you and cocked an eyebrow. “You know who I am. Let’s not play games, shall we?” 

 

Trying to be smooth, you ran your hand against your body, looking for the demon blade you kept on you at all times. Satisfied that it was still there, you brushed off the movement by straightening your shirt. “Abaddon.” you said. It was less of a question and more of a statement. 

 

She smiled slightly. “Hmm. I guess my reputation precedes me. As does yours. I hear you butchered your family and then my employees.” She set down her drink and stood, walking toward you slowly. “I must admit, I didn’t think anyone could take Mary out, but here you are.” she paused. “Then, as if you weren’t enough of a pain in my side, you joined up with the Winchesters, of all people. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You should be careful with who you hang out with.”

 

You scoffed. “What’s it to you that I am with them? Scared that we’ll take you out?” You challenged. You knew you should be playing it cool, but you couldn’t help it. You had no idea if you were going to make it out of here but you’d be damned if you were going to let her scold you. 

 

Instead of hurting you like you were expecting, she merely chuckled. “Sweetie, if I thought that, you would be dead already. Besides, what if I just wanted to meet the person who my most loyal couldn’t crack?”

 

“You mean Ian.” You said. You remembered the torture you went through at the hands of your father. You remembered the fear and certainty that you would never see Dean again. “What I don’t understand is what’s in it for you to be working with an angel? Doesn’t seem like a big bitch move. More like a coward that can’t get things done herself.”

 

Abaddon glared coldly at you. She brought her hand up and flung you against the wall. The pressure of your head hitting the wall made you lose your breath for a second. It almost felt like you were being crushed by an invisible weight and you knew you messed up. 

 

“Let’s just say I will be getting more souls than we agreed on when I stab that mouse of an angel in the face. That’s what you should be concerned about. Actually, you won’t be there to see it.” She said, letting you go. She grabbed your arm and pushed you down into a chair. “Now. You are going to stay there and serve your purpose.” 

 

When she turned her back, you reached down to check your phone. You wanted to see if Dean was on the phone. As you angled it, you saw that the call was in progress. You sighed slightly, knowing they would find you and they would know you were in trouble. As you tried to tuck it back into your pocket, a hand clasped around your wrist. You looked up to see black eyes boring into yours. 

 

“What’s this?” she asked, taking your phone from you. She looked at the screen and a smirk formed on her lips. “That wasn’t smart.” She lifted the phone to her ear and said, “hello, Dean.”

 

You could only hear what she was saying but you knew he was angry because you could slightly hear his voice coming from the speaker. 

 

“You want proof she’s okay? What? You don’t trust me, Dean?” She chuckled. “Fine.” She put him on speaker as she walked up to you. She raised her hand and you felt your insides twist. It felt like someone grabbed your intestines tightly in their hand squeezed until it felt like it was going to pop. You tried to keep in your scream, but couldn’t when she twisted her fingers and your heart started to be compressed. 

 

“Stop!” you heard Dean yell. “Stop! I believe you!” 

 

You caught your breath as she let you go. 

 

Dean’s voice called out to you from the speaker. “Y/N, you okay? We’re coming for you.”

 

You groaned a bit before speaking. “That was just about as fun as that bar we went to in Poughkeepsie last night.” You hoped he understood what you were telling him. There was no way you wanted him to be in the same room as you and Abaddon. You knew all Hell would break loose. 

 

“That’s enough.” Abaddon said, taking the phone off of speaker. “Now, Dean. I know you want to save this girl of yours but I do want to remind you that she is in this mess because of you and your brother. Don’t come looking for me, or she dies. It’s simple, pet.” She didn’t wait for confirmation that he heard her before hanging up.

 

~

 

A demon walked in with Crowley about an hour later. “You called?” Crowley asked.

 

“It’s time. I want you to call the Winchesters and tell them what we discussed.” She turned to you. “I need you quiet.” She waved her hand and you tried to open your mouth to ask what she meant, but there was no sound coming out. 

 

Your eyes widened in horror when you realized she silenced you. You thought about kicking a chair but thought better of it. You were outnumbered and even the demon blade was no use because as soon as you killed one demon, another one would take its place. All you could do was listen to the conversation between Crowley and Dean. 

 

“You do? Well, you need to get it here at once. Cleveland, Humboldt Hotel. Penthouse, of course. When you get here, I'll take you to Abaddon. I'll draw her out, and then you can skewer the ignorant hag.” he said before turning to Abaddon. “Just selling it.” he told her.

 

“Oh, and, Dean, you need to get a move on. It's a good day's drive from Poughkeepsie.” he said in response to something Dean said. 

 

Your ears perked up at this. It was what you said to Dean earlier that night and it confused you to no end. You looked at Crowley, but he seemed to be avoiding your gaze. Maybe he wasn’t in this as deep as you thought. Maybe he was trying to help you. It didn’t make sense that he would join up with Abaddon with the hatred he held for her, but anything could happen. 

 

“Nice. But here's the thing -- you've been plotting with those boys for some time now.” Abaddon said, walking over to a small wooden dresser on the side of the room. “When they get here, it'll be you, Y/N, the Winchesters, the First Blade, and little, old me in one place. Now, I don't mind stiff odds, but ...let's be reasonable.” She took her hand out of the dresser and fired a gun at Crowley. 

 

At first you thought she was insane because bullets couldn’t hurt demons and she should know that. But then you realized she put a devil’s trap in it to make him powerless. Smart move on her part, but dammit that was going to complicate things. 

 

Abaddon turned to you. “Now. Dean knows you are with me and now he is on his way. So, I am going to have you in a very special place, until I need you. Ian?” she called. 

 

You jumped out of your chair, looking around the room. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a man come out. He was different than he was last time, now clothed in jeans and a heavy looking jacket. The man he was wearing looked to be in his early twenties and he was built. You knew that meant nothing, because the demon inside was strong enough to crush your bones without breaking a sweat. Ian walked up to you and grabbed your arm. 

 

“Take her to the other room. Keep her there until I say, and be a darling and keep her quiet. Just don’t kill her.” Abaddon instructed him. 

 

“Come on.” he said, tugging you toward the other room. 

 

You cast a glance at Crowley. He nodded to you, trying to not bring attention to himself. You still didn’t know if he was on your side or not, but you had to hope he was. If not, you were screwed. 

 

Ian drug you through the door to the bedroom where there was another man sitting on the bed. He had dark brown curly hair that was long enough to touch his eyes. He was wearing a white shirt that looked like it belonged in the 1700s, a vest and high boots that went up to his knees. When he looked up, he gave you a startling smile. 

 

“Hello, there.” He said in a thick scottish accent. “Who are you?” 

 

“A friend.” You said as Ian pushed you down to sit on the bed. You turned to him. “Glad to see your still alive and kicking. Torture anyone lately?” you asked.

 

Ian looked at you for a moment before sitting down in a chair that was near the door. There was no way you were going to be able to get by him without killing him. To be honest you weren’t crazy about the thought of killing him, even if he was the thing that tortured you. He simply stared at you, refusing to reply to your question.

 

“You know, it’s only polite to talk to the person you are kidnapping.” you said in an icy tone. 

 

“Kidnapped?” the man next to you asked. “They kidnapped you? Hey, they kidnapped me too. But, it turns out my father is the king of Hell. So I guess I’m in a better position than you. I’m Gavin, by the way. Nice to make your acquaintance.” 

 

You turned to him. “Good for you.” you told him. He seemed to be hurt by your lack of interest, so he excused himself into another part of the suit. You took a deep breath before turning back to Ian. “I found out what happened to you. I know about your soul being taken.”

 

“You were my favorite, you know?” He said. “Out of all of my children, I was the most proud of you. You were ruthless when you were hunting and you took care of everyone. Too bad you turned out to be weak in the end to where my plans couldn’t happen.”

 

“What do you mean ‘plans’?” You asked.

 

He ignored this question, giving you a cold smile.

 

“What do you mean ‘plans’?!” You yelled at him.

 

Again, he refused to comment on your question. Instead he said, “When the Winchesters get here, you are going to die. Abaddon has granted me the honor of killing you. It’s going to feel so good when your body goes limp under me. The ending of the reminder of how useless you are and an end to my shame.” 

 

The lack of emotion in his voice took you aback but you tried not to let it show. Instead you turned away from him and felt yourself go into an eerie calm. You focused on a spot on the wall. You knew you had to think of a way to get out of there before it was too late. 

  
  


~

 

You didn’t know how long it had been. You just knew you failed to think of a way out of that room without dying in the process. You knew as long as Dean and Sam were not there, you wouldn’t make it to the front door without being caught. You heard Dean’s voice outside the door and you stood up, ready to go out of the room to help him. Ian stood in front of you, blocking your way.

 

“Sit down.” he told you. 

 

“Screw you.” you said, trying to push past him. 

 

He grabbed your shoulders and flung you across the room. “It’s not time for us yet. We need the fun to start before I take you out. Now, stay put.” 

 

You started to get off the floor when you heard a shout from the next room. It sounded like Dean and you knew he was in trouble. It was now or never. You gripped the demon blade that they were too stupid to take off of you and hid it at your side as you stalked toward Ian. He turned toward you as you brought the knife up.

 

He saw you coming at caught your arm as you tried to stab him. The back of his hand slammed into your cheek, sending a burning sensation through your skin. His hand was still wrapped around your wrist, so you did the next best thing you could think of. You know it was going to hurt like a bitch, but you had no other option. You brought your head back as far as you could and snapped it forward. Your forehead collided with his and the force knocked him back as he let go of your wrist.

 

“I’m sorry.” You cried as the blade pierced his heart. He flickered an angry orange and then his body went limp as it fell to the ground. You stared at the body for a moment, trying to avoid the feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach.

 

You snapped out of your thoughts and flung the door open. Sam was in the room, transfixed by something. You followed his gaze and saw Dean leaning over the body of Abaddon, his fists colliding with her flesh, the First Blade held tightly in his hand. The blows continued and Sam yelled for Dean to stop, but it was useless. You jogged over to Dean, staying far enough away that he wouldn’t hit you. 

 

“Dean?” You called.

 

His fist collided again, making a squelching sound that made your stomach heave.

 

“Dean!?” You yelled. “Stop! It’s over! Please!”

 

Slowly his arms stopped, his chest was heaving up and down, dragging in uneven gulps of air.

 

“Dean?” Sam called. “Drop the blade. We got her.”

 

Dean looked up, as if he was surprised that other people were there. He looked down at himself and his fingers released the smooth handle of the blade. The thump of it on the ground made you jump slightly but you ignored it, running over to Dean. You crouched down and held his face between your hands.

 

“Look at me. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

 

“Y/N? What? Are you…?” He asked, reaching up to touch your face. You felt the blood left behind and you had to fight to not cringe. 

 

“I’m okay. It’s okay. Let’s get you up.” You said grabbing his arm, helping him to his feet.

 

~

 

The Impala was humming under you as you lay down in the back. The boys thought you were asleep because you knew they needed a chance to talk. You also needed a minute to collect your thoughts as you drove back to the bunker. Your ears perked up as Sam started talking.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.

  
           “I didn't tell you about the warning because I knew exactly what you would do. You would make sure that you were right alongside me going in that room.”   
  
           “You mean like we always do? Because we're actually partners in this and we watch each other's backs?” Sam answered, sounding irritated.   
  


“I don't expect you to understand.” Dean answered softly.

 

“Try me.”

 

“First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy.”

 

“Oh. Of course. So it was just another time where you had to protect me.”

 

“You could've gotten nabbed by Abaddon, and she could've bargained her way out. She already had Y/N, I couldn’t let you be there too. We couldn't afford to screw this up.”

 

“Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too.”

 

“Yeah? Like what?” Dean said calmly.

 

“I don't know. Like, something to you. I know Y/N is worried about you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay?” Sam asked. He sounded like he was begging.

 

There was a long stretch of silence before Dean responded. “No.”

 

His answer sent a chill through you and you were reminded of a night not too long ago where you saw the effects of the Mark first hand in a shower stall. You shuddered slightly but brushed it off by repositioning a bit, not letting the brothers know you heard their entire conversation. There had to be a way to help Dean. There was dread in the pit of your stomach that told you the worst was yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I hope you enjoyed this. Just to keep you guys up to date, I am planning on going into season 10 with this but I’m pretty sure I won’t be going into 11 unless for some reason my brain gives me an idea of where to bring the characters.


	20. Those Normal Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies!
> 
> I am SO sorry it has been so long. It's that time of year when everything goes crazy. It's testing season for my kiddos and my schedule has been insane. I wanted to give you guys SOMETHING to hold you over until my next real good update. Sorry about the short chapter! Once Summer vacation hits, expect a ton of updates. 
> 
> Thank you for hanging in there with me!

The trees flew by the window as you sat in the front seat of the Impala. Sam was lounging in the back, trying to catch up on some sleep. Dean was antsy when you got back from killing Abaddon. You tried to get him to calm down, but he would sit with you for only a few moments before getting up again, finally he called Castiel to see if there was a job. 

 

You didn’t tell either of the Winchesters that it was Ian who held you in the room while Dean killed Abaddon. You couldn’t tell them that you killed your own father, even if he was a twisted version of himself. They would be so disappointed in you for not trying harder. They, who thrived on sacrificing themselves for their family, would blame you for not trying harder. You thought about what Ian had said about his plans for you. You vaguely wondered what he meant by it, but honestly you didn’t think you would ever know. Maybe it had something to do with your family’s death. Maybe it was about twisting you and making you like him. A thousand things flashed through your mind before you shut yourself down. It was all too much. Your problems were too big and too many. 

 

You thought back to the night you last saw your sister. She was lying bloody and broken in your arms, trying to hold on. You fought through your possession long enough to comfort her. She had always stood by you, even when you were hunting and it felt like you were alone. You could always call her and she would speak reason into your life. She was the one who shared your secrets and when the crushing weight of your job threatened to consume you, she was able to lift the burden ever so slightly. Even when she was bleeding to death from the wound you created, she had the strength to comfort you. “Fight.” was the last word she ever said to you. It felt like such a long time ago, but you could see the scene as if it just happened. Feel her pulse slowing and her hand losing pressure in yours. 

 

“Hey.” Dean’s voice startled you, making you jump a little. 

 

You looked over to see him staring at you, concern written over his face. 

 

“You okay, Sweetheart?” He asked. “You’re bouncing your leg so hard, it’s shaking the car.” 

 

You nodded, trying to smile, and instantly stopped moving your leg but you knew you failed at convincing him that you were alright when he tugged on your arm to pull you into him. You slid over you molded yourself into his side as his arm went around you. He leaned over to kiss the top of your head and you closed your eyes at the slight pressure of his lips against your forehead.  

 

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” he asked. 

 

“Just thinking.” you hedged. 

 

“Whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m a good listener.”

 

You scoffed lightly at this. “Like you do when you tell me everything that’s wrong with you?” You immediately regretted your words because you felt him tense under you. “Sorry” You whispered. 

 

“You know, normally when I ask it’s because I want to help you. I know I’m not always chatty with the crap that goes on, but I tell you more than you think I do. More than I tell Sam sometimes.” He whispered, his arm tightening around you slightly.

 

Sighing, you look at your hands that are in your lap. “I was just thinking about my family.” You said. “Just about the last time I saw my sister.”

 

“What brought this on?” he asked. 

 

You couldn’t tell him yet. Everything in you told you that he would be so disappointed. So instead you said, “Just a dream I had last night. Nothing to worry about.” You smiled up at him, taking in the sight of his stubble. 

 

You reached up a hand and brushed it across the rough skin. “You need a shave.” you whispered. 

 

“I thought you liked me like this. All rough and, how did you put it? Ah! Rugged.” he smirked and raised his eyebrows suggestively. 

 

Rolling your eyes, you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your lips. “Do you wanna drop me off at the hotel before you guys head out? I’m still kinda tired.” you asked. Before Dean could argue, you said, “Also, I think four FBI agents would be pushing it. I would be more help in the hotel.” 

 

Dean considered this for a minute before nodding. “I guess. If that’s what you want. Just make sure you answer your cell if I call. And don’t go anywhere.” 

 

“Yes sir.” you mocked a salute at him earning an eye roll from him. 

 

~

 

Dean dropped you off at a hotel on the outskirts of a small town. He made sure you were inside with your phone on before him and Sam peeled out of the parking lot to go meet Cas. You know it wasn’t the best idea to lie to Dean, you would be no help on the case sitting in a hotel room. But you were tired still, so you figured half a lie is better than a full lie. 

Scoffing at yourself, you wondered when you went back to fifth grade. You decided to do some research into the Mark of Cain, just to see if there was anything on how to remove it. You went to Google and typed in the same search parameters that you had that morning. This time, you immediately scrolled to page 15. You knew what was on the first 14 pages because you looked through all of them already. Even the ones that you knew would lead nowhere, because what if the answer was in an article about how the mark of the Beast will change the human genome? 

 

You were no closer to finding answers an hour later when your phone rang. You looked at the screen to find Dean’s name. Sighing, you answered it. 

 

“You don’t have to check up on me constantly.” You scolded lightly.

 

“Not what I’m doin’ Sweetheart. I need your help.” He said, getting to the point. “Remember when I told you about that reaper that I met when I almost died?”

 

“Which time?” You asked smiling.

 

“You know? Even though I love your ass, I don’t like when it’s smart.” He said. There was a beat of silence before you heard, “that sounded better in my head. Shut up. You know what I mean. Do you remember?”

 

“Yes, I remember about the sexy reaper named Tessa.” You teased.

 

“I never said she was sexy.” He defended himself. 

 

“When you said her name, you licked your top lip. Classic Dean sign for a sexy chick. You do it all the time when you look at me.” 

 

“What? No I don’t.”

 

“So you don’t think I’m sexy?” 

 

“What? I...stop confusing me! We need to find Tessa. Something big is going down.”

 

That sobered you out of your playful attitude. “What happened?”

 

“Angels are going kamakaze to kill other Angels. They’re making it look like Cas is behind it, but he isn’t. Tessa was in with the one that blew up in an ice cream shop. We need to find her to figure out what the hell is going on. I’m coming by to pick you up. Be there in 5.” he said before hanging up.

 

You jumped out of your chair and scampered around the room, gathering clothes. You sighed as you looked at the bra you just took off not half an hour ago. You were hoping to be comfortable the rest of the evening, but it looked like it was the over the shoulder boulder holder for you again. Grumbling, you got dressed and put away your laptop. You made sure you had the customary weapons strapped to your belt and went outside to meet Dean. 

 

You wondered about this Tessa and if she was part of the group that were killing themselves. You had no idea if you would ever believe in something so much to kill yourself. You couldn’t even contemplate it when you tried. You didn’t think there was anything rational about their decisions. Then you remembered you were dating a man with the Mark of Cain plastered to his arm because he needed to kill a Knight of Hell. Stranger things could happen you guessed.


	21. It's All Gone Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> I'm back! And it's with a longer chapter! And And I am almost done with the next chapter, so you won't have to wait a long time for the next one! I know, I'm shocked too. We are getting to the point where I need to make some decisions about the ending of Season 9 and what will happen in the beginning of 10. I have a couple of things running through my mind, but I have not made the final decision yet. It is going to be intense either way I go. 
> 
> So. I hope y'all are doing amazing and I will be writing quite a bit this Summer, so look for more stories!

You found Tessa outside of what looked like an event that was happening. Dean pointed her out to you and told you to sneak past her just in case she made her way into the throng of people. If was your job to stop her in the event that Dean failed. Slipping past her was a bit of a challenge, because you were not really dressed for a night on the town but salvation came in the form of a group of girls giggling obnoxiously. You slipped in the back of the crew making possible to slip by undetected. 

 

“Hey, I love the aethstetic you’re going for.” a girl from the group told you with a small smirk. “I would call it, rustic peasant, right girls?” she called over her shoulder. Her friend’s high pitched laughter made you cringe.

 

You didn’t have time for this high school bullshit. You smiled sweetly at them and let your hand rest on your hip where the hilt of your knife was just visible. “I’m so glad you noticed! Just remember peasants are the best at butchering pigs.” You whispered, stepping a little too close to the girl who spoke. 

 

You chuckled when they backed away terrified and disappeared into the crowd. You leaned against the wall and kept an eye on the scene outside. Dean was speaking with Tessa and it looked like he was trying to disarm her. It was when he slammed her against the wall to handcuff her and yelled “Where’s Constantine!” that you made your way out to give him backup. 

 

“You know there’s no way i’m telling you where he is.” Tessa grunted as you approached. She glanced at you and sighed. “Y/N. I wondered when you would show up. Nice to see you again.” 

 

“Again?” You asked.

 

Her eyebrows came together slightly. There was sympathy in her tone when she spoke again. “That demon took more out of you than you realize. I was there when they died. I was the one that came to get them.” 

 

It took you a second to realize who she meant, but when it hit, it felt like the air had been sucked out of your lungs. She was the one who took Adam and Lilly to wherever they were now. You searched her eyes and pleaded. “Where are they? Where did they go?” Gadreel told you they were in Heaven, but he wasn’t the most reliable source. 

 

“You know I can’t tell you.” She said apologetically. “If it helps, I can say they are in a better place but that might be a lie. Take it how you want.” 

 

“Let’s go.” Dean growled as he pulled her away from the wall and toward the car. He glanced back to make sure you were following and when he saw you weren’t moving, he called your name. 

 

Wiping away tears, you followed them to Baby and slid into the back seat while he made sure Tessa was strapped into the front. Your body was slightly numb at the revelation that your brother and sister were no longer on this plane. You knew as much, but it didn’t sink in before Tessa revealed that she was the one to bring them to ... wherever they are. You wondered if they were together, in their perfect place or if they were surrounded by the stink of permanent death. The thought of them seeing the things you did while you were in Hell made your skin crawl and you shivered.

 

You looked up to see Dean’s eyes on you. He was worried, you knew. But there was nothing you could do to comfort him yet. You were still processing the fact that Tessa knew and wouldn’t tell you where they were. She knew. 

 

The car ride was silent for the most part. The only words spoken were to say that it was getting cold and that we were wasting our time taking Tessa in. Her only reason was that Castiel needed her to complete her mission. Everytime she said this, Dean threatened to gag her but never did. You thought it was a shame because you had at least three BDSM jokes ready. Thankfully, it wasn’t a long drive back to the headquarters and you all arrived relatively intact.

 

There were several angels that greeted you when you stepped up. They were generally cold and calculating, but that’s just how they are. Dean carted Tessa through the hallways and then pushed her through a door that led to a massive room with computers. You could tell that it was their control room by the amount of people doing odd jobs here and there. Most of it looked like a type of data entry and tracking technology. You knew they were tracking Metatron because his face was plastered everywhere. 

 

There was a woman in a tan jacket who turned to look at you as you entered. Her face twisted in confusion “Tessa? What are you doing? Who is this?”

 

You introduced yourself to the lead angel, who said her name was Hannah. When you said your name, a spark of recognition fluttered over her face. Apparently Castiel had talked about you. 

 

Dean turned to Tessa, “You want to tell her?”

 

When she didn’t say anything save or a cold glare, Dean shrugged and pulled her shirt to the side to reveal the sigil that she carved into her skin. He cut it to disarm it, which made it look gruesome and bloody. 

 

“Oh, God.” Hannah said, her face turning to horror. 

 

Tessa looked at Hannah as if she were stupid. “There's no God. There's only Castiel.”

 

“Oh, and you're done.” Dean said, leading Tessa out of the control room. 

 

You followed, knowing the angels wouldn’t be okay with what Dean was planning. You knew he needed answers and he would do anything to get it, you just didn’t need him starting a war with entities that could wipe him out with a wave of a hand. Dean was closing a door as you came around a corner having locked Tessa in. 

 

“You wounded her.” Hannah accused before Dean could speak.

 

“More like "defused," okay? I cut up that old testament graffiti she carved into herself. I figured that would break the spell.” He explained.

 

Another angel, a man in a red shirt and a severe looking face asked, “and now... What will you do to her?”

 

Dean pulled out an angel blade and looked at the other angel. “Guess.”

 

A woman with black hair rolled her eyes. “Torture. Predictable.”

 

You stepped beside Dean. “We need to know if there are other bombers out there. They can still hurt a lot of people.” 

 

“No. I won't allow it. I know what Tessa was planning. It's horrible, but there's only one person who can punish her.” Hannah was shaking her head as she spoke. You knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

 

Dean scoffed. “Let me guess. Yea big, trench coat, sensible shoes?”

 

You glanced at Dean and put that comment to memory. There was going to be a time when you would use the fact that he talked fashion against him and you couldn’t wait. 

 

Hannah seemed to consider this for a second. You knew she was figuring out how to put her thoughts into words that he would understand. “You have to understand that Castiel is the only thing holding us together. A month ago, half the angels in this place were trying to kill the other half. Castiel has given us a purpose. But more than that, he has given us a way to live in peace. We have rules. Order. If I let you take matters into your own hands, what's to stop one of them from doing the same? You can talk to her. You should talk to her. But leave the Blade outside.”

 

Dean considered her words. “Are you asking or telling?”

 

Red shirt angel, who was rude enough not to introduce himself confirmed your fears. “We're not asking.”

 

You glanced at Dean, knowing he would take it as a challenge. Meeting your eyes, he shrugged and handed over the blade. They opened the door and Dean stepped through. You went to follow him, but Red Boy stepped in front of you blocking your way.

 

“You’re not going in there.” He said.

 

“The hell I’m not.” You scoffed and tried to push past him. He blocked you again and put his hand on your shoulder to stop you. You glanced down and snapped. “Get your hand off of me.”

 

His grip was a bit too tight when you tried to move past him again. Before you could say anything else, Dean knocked his hand away stepped in between you and the angel. “Get your fucking hand off of her. You got a problem? You take it up with me. She comes in. I’m not asking.”

 

The angel looked at Hannah for support but she shook her head slightly, making him back off in a huff. Hannah motioned for the two of you to step into the room and closed the door behind her. You took your place in the corner, letting Dean take the lead. He had a rapport with her that you didn’t, so it made sense. When it was clear Tessa was not going to change her story, Hannah lost it a little. You could tell she was protective of Castiel because when Tessa’s story was painting Cas in a bad light, she tried to attack. You couldn’t blame Hannah for losing her cool, you had to fight against the urge to slap Tessa yourself. 

 

Dean ushered Hannah out of the room to let her cool down when you locked eyes with Tessa. “Why are you doing this?” you asked, not expecting an answer. She had held out for so long that you thought nothing was going to crack her. 

 

“You seem like the type of person who would understand the most. What I’m trying to accomplish.”

 

“And what is that?” 

 

It took her a second to answer. Her face hardened slightly and she took a deep breath. “To be part of something. Set the world right. A chance to be a hero. Dealer’s choice.” She said in a clipped tone. 

 

You knew there was more to it than that. There had to be something behind the steel facade she was projecting. Though, there was some truth in her words, you knew there had to be. She wouldn’t have said that just to confuse you, or make you think she was lying. She would have just stayed silent. 

 

Before you could question her further Dean came in alone. He waved you over and whispered into your ear. “Can you sit out here with Hannah and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid? I think Tessa and I need a minute.” 

 

Nodding, you looked back at Tessa. “You could, you know. All of those things. You could, but not by doing this.” You stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind you. You turned to face Hannah. “So…” you hesitated. 

 

“You know he is unstable, correct?” Hannah asked clearly not understanding that the question was rude. 

 

“Dean’s going through a lot right now. He’s doing the best he can.” You defended. 

 

“One day, he is going to hurt someone. Someone who doesn’t deserve it and you will know that you had a chance to stop it. I cannot question his motives but I can comment on his actions.” 

 

Your eyes narrowed. “Do you know what he’s given up? Do you know what he’s done to save this world? How many people he’s saved?”

 

“Do you know how many people he’s hurt? How many deaths he is responsible for?” She shot back. “How many times has he lost his temper? Did things he shouldn’t? He is the reason you were captured all those months ago because he couldn’t control his temper.” 

 

You chewed the inside of your cheek trying to control your words. You knew you couldn’t say anything to contradict her words. You wondered how she knew about the fight that ended with you being held and tortured for days. You had to assume Castiel confided in her and you made a mental note to kick his ass. 

 

Hannah seemed to understand what she said and her face softened. “I apologize. I didn’t mean …” 

 

There was a scream from inside the room. You burst through the door to find Tessa on the ground, a hole in her stomach. You didn’t have to look closely to see that she was dead. You felt other angels come up behind you and knew what they saw. Dean was standing over her body with the First Blade in his hand and a euphoric look on his face. When you came in, he startled, almost as if you knocked him out of deep thought. He put up his hand to show he didn’t mean anyone harm, but that meant nothing to the other angels. 

 

They rushed him, one angel taking the arm with the First Blade and the other trying to grasp his other arm. He didn’t make it far before Dean swung at him, sending him sprawling. You took a second to realize it was the angel in the red shirt that didn’t introduce himself. The angel that was still hanging onto Dean’s arm, was working on getting the blade out of his hand. The Blade slipped out of Dean’s hand when the angel twisted his wrist at what looked like an unnatural angle. 

 

Dean’s head collided with the angel’s just as two more angels came in the door. One ran up to him fists colliding with Dean’s nose. By the squelching noise, you guessed it was bleeding. Dean straightened up almost as if he wasn’t hurt at all and it only took one punch to knock the angel out. You didn’t think that was possible, but you saw it happen. The angel wasn’t moving and there was a clear cut where Dean’s knuckles cut through the skin. 

 

The second angel, who maneuvered behind Dean, hesitated, which was his downfall. Turning around, Dean rushed him and tackled him to the ground. The angel tried to get out of his grip, but didn’t get far. All you saw was Dean straddle the angel and start punching him. You were almost glad that Dean’s back was to you so you couldn’t see the carnage that was happening less than five feet away from you. All you could hear was the THUD. THUD. THUD. 

 

“Dean!” You yelled trying to get his attention. 

 

THUD.

 

“Dean!” 

 

THUD.

 

“Stop!”

 

THUD.

 

You had enough. You ran over to him, wanting to snap him out of it. You said his name again and reached out to touch his shoulder. You knew better, but you couldn’t let him lose control like this. It was your job to hold him together. Hannah left the room to gather more help, so that left you to stop the madness. 

 

His elbow snapped back and collided with your ribs, sending you tumbling to the ground. Before you could sit up, a body was over yours pressing you into the floor. Hands wrapped around your throat and you realized you couldn’t breathe. You wrapped your hands around his, trying to pry his fingers off you, but they were like iron, unyielding and cold. You felt your fingernails dig into his wrist but he didn’t seem to notice. You kicked out and tried to roll him off you when you realized he was growling. You mouthed his name, trying to get him to release you but nothing came out. You were starting to lose consciousness when something flickered in his eyes and his fingers loosed. 

 

He fell back and scrambled away from you as if you burned him. He was breathing fast and he looked like he was in a daze. You were catching your breath when four angels came in and secured him to a chair. He didn’t fight them. He just stared at you like you were the most horrifying thing he had ever seen. 

 

Hannah came over to you as you sat up. Your ribs hurt like hell and it was still hard to breathe but it was getting better with every breath. She helped you stand and went to put her fingers on your forehead. You stopped her. “I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.”

 

Her eyebrows furrowed and she stared at you. “Y/N, he nearly killed you.”

 

“He didn’t know what he was doing. I’m fine. I’ve had worse.” You insisted even though your throat felt like sandpaper and your words came out raspy. “I’ll stay with him until Cas and Sam get back.” 

 

“That’s not a good idea.” Hannah said. “You need to rest.” 

 

“I said I’m fine.” you snapped. 

 

A rough voice caught your attention. “Get out.” 

 

You turned to look at Dean. He was staring at the ground, not letting himself look at you. “What?”

 

“Get away from me. For your own good. Get away from me until I calm down. I … I can’t … just go.” His voice sounded weak and he still wouldn’t look you in the eye. 

 

“Dean …”

 

“Go. Please.”

 

You felt an arm curl around your waist and lead you out of the room. You walked in a daze replaying what happened in your mind. You shouldn’t have touched him. He wasn’t in his right mind and he was lashing out.  _ But he saw it was you and didn’t let you go.  _ Your inner voice reminded you. You were still processing this when Hannah led you to a room with a couch and sat you down. 

 

“I will leave you alone. I will send Sam when he gets here. Try to rest.” she said. 

 

You nodded as she left the room. You had no idea what you were going to tell Sam when he showed up, but you knew you had to think of something. He was going to be pissed. You also had to figure out what you were going to say to Dean. He was going to punish himself. Maybe he deserved to. Maybe not. 

 

You took your phone out and turned on the camera to see your neck. When you strained your neck, you could see the hand prints and knew it was going to turn into a huge bruise. Maybe you should have let Hannah heal you but it wasn’t too bad. Your ribs still hurt and you would probably have a bruise there too but it wouldn’t slow you down, so it didn’t matter that much. You wondered how Sam and Cas were doing. Hopefully they were having better luck than you were. 


End file.
